I used to ache
So passionately
For anything that had to do
With your sweet touch:
I used to picture
Your hand
Moving across my lips,
And I used to visualize
Your kiss
Swimming though
My bloodstream.
Your caress
Would sooth me
And simultaneously
Ignite me into flames.

But now
I don't
And it doesn't
And it can't

My lips
Do not ache for you;
Me head
Does not visualize you;
My bloodstream
Is clean of your kisses
(even thought you give me many);
And sadly,
I am not set to flame
By your touch anymore

The passion I felt
Is replaced by emptiness.

So when your hand finds mine,
And kisses my palm
With yours,
I feel nothing
But the warmth of your fingers
And the steady pulse
Of my own
Unfazed
Heartbeat

There are secrets I want to whisper into your neck in the middle of the night
When I've counted the seconds between each breath you take
To make sure you're really asleep.

But you'll still be awake.

And that'll be fine with me.

Don't get me wrong the *** is good
But you know what's great?
The after ***
When he's asleep and I'm awake
And I can read his every lie
And I can hear his every breath
Laced with simple unknowing
Of the world
And I can feel the
Emptiness
Creep in and take me far away
And I can run away from there
On tired breaths
And salty tears
And cold embraces
Filled with anything but love

Restless.
Pressure pushing from all sides.
Pushing down and suffocating.
My legs move
Right
Left
Right
Left
Pacing and pacing and going on and on

I don't seem to make them move
The pressure guides them

Restless

Always restless
Always moving
Always pushing and pulling
Away and back
Away and back
Like the tides
Constant motion

It's a necessity right now
Because when I'm still
And all is silent
My mind takes over and moves
Like my feet do now,
The pressure guiding it,
So I keep moving
And pacing
And going  

Because when I'm not moving
I'm slipping away
To memories
Of you

The scars on her legs,
Like little white valleys
Carved out not by years of water,
But by years of pain,
Paint a beautiful picture
Of despair
And sadness
And solitude
But mostly
Of hope
And recovery.
For there are no red rivers flooding the valleys
Anymore