Every minute of every day
occupied with many thoughts-
Every break from every moment
I think of you a lot.
Trying to convince myself it's nothing
that these feelings will fade-
That these feelings were just feelings
and never meant to stay.
Is it nothing when my heart melts,
with each smile that I see?
With every thought is about you
and of you next to me?
The constant reminders surround me
and I don't know what to do?
If these feelings are more than feelings
am I in love with you?

I feel like I've fallen hard for you
a love consumed my heart-
A forbidden feeling that grew through time
is now tearing me a part.

Reliving our every moment
each word that we've shared-
Convinced that things aren't different
that your feelings are still there.

Every song, every sunrise
brings tears to my eyes-
Longing for those smiles and laughter
that brought happiness every time.

But reality finally hit me
to know it's no longer true
That our love is just a memory
a secret between me and you.

....but I'll always love you.

Each day is such a misery
to hide, so no one sees-
the surrow behind this mask
behind this fake happy.
Forcing the laughter, this smile
pretending it's all okay-
Living a lie I can't reveal
just pains me every day.
Can't show any weakness
any vulnerability-
But impersonate an image
that hurts constantly.
My heart is overwhelmed
with pain that no one knows-
A smile to hide behind the hurt
that I'm forced not to show.

Out of breath, my heart is pounding
the tears falling slow
No energy no motivation
its really time to go.
Uncontrollably the tears fall more
my feeling's hard to say
Self-loathing thoughts weigh heavy
******' hate feeling this way.
Day by day and step by step
the hope is hard to see
So tired of wearing this heavy mask
of someone who isn't me.
The tears constantly flowing
this pain deep in my heart
A life so overwhelming
and tearing me apart.
Defeated and lonely
why is life so cruel
So lonely, so exhausted
I don't know what to do?

Bottled up inside my heart
Are the clouds above me
are the sad movies replaying
That I can only see.
Back to these feelings
that never seem to fade
Feelings so permanent
unexpectedly invade.
A broken image in the mirror
a reflection so unreal
So far a part from reality
Feels hopeless to heal.
Time to remove this mask
Where reality is hard to face
and this pain is neverending
so difficult to erase.
My eyes wide open
I no longer want to see
To wake up to another day
of this painful reality.

I'm lost, its dark inside
can hardly take a breath-
Can't escape from this pain
that's leading to my death.
No sunshine, just grey clouds
hovering over me-
The storm of tears that fall
every day and constantly.
Suffocating inside myself
I don't know where to go?
I don't know what to do?
I wish I was dying slow.
Why am I so pathetic
So sad and so weak-
Why am I so insecure
To never want to speak.
Still dark, I'm lost forever
Still tearing me a part-
No one here to rescue me
and left with a broken heart.

Slowly losing hope
Don't want to live today
Don't want to feel the pain
and ever feel this way.
Trying hard to fight
To maybe live again
And never be the burden
Of someone who seeks the end.
Broken and defeated
So difficult to breathe
Holding on to what I have
As my heart constantly bleeds.
Tired, so very tired
no hope for me to see
I'm tired of being who I am
this life is cruel to me.
Each day is very challenging
to just get out of bed
Struggling with self-loathing thoughts
constantly wishing I was dead.