Whenever I ask myself, I wonder if anyone has ever touched their toe to their *******, I know someone has. I know it’s possible and it’s true. I am a human. I don’t have anything to prove and I don’t have to prove anything. I am here to be here. There is nothing besides happy.
There are holes in everybody’s story. You never know everything about anybody. The person you want to spend the rest of your life with may pick their nose and eat the boogers. They may talk bad about you on the phone. Hell, maybe they abuse their pets when you’re gone. You can’t know until you catch it on camera. My coworker once told me, “You be careful.” He said, “You know, people be watchin’ when you don’t think they watchin’.” I have a saw in my closet. I asked myself, “What would you be scared to see?”
My hands are always cold. I once picked my grandmother’s dog up by its hind legs with my cold hands. I didn’t even know they were mine until years later when my cousin told me and I confessed to my grandma. I think my cousin is gay but no one will admit they’re thinking the same thing. All he eats is bologna with mustard, how many times can you eat mustard in one day? How many spoons do you have? I only use knives with butter when I scrape the butter from a spoon. I’m not an idiot. Butter goes on toast.
My sister doesn’t use a toilet, she dug a hole. She could fit into the hole if she wanted to, but she doesn’t want to, she dug it for me. I still haven’t thanked her but I don’t think she’s noticed, she still talks to me.

Your innocent way of snaking open my heart
And tip toeing your pride inside
Shaking up everything in my kingdom
You slam the door to my heart
Over and over
Rattling my bones
Shattering my hopes
Destroying my foundation
Oh how you warned me
But I let you
I watched you take every single piece of my being
That I've spent so much time repairing
And played with it
Until you realized that you didn't know how
So you drained my moat of insecurities
And dismantled my walls of trust
You reconstructed a structure to support your own walls
You called it love
I call it devious selfishness
But within the pain
There was something different about you
And my gut was snagged on it
You've come through with explanations that were in my favor
Pain was never your plan
A submission of a simple antidote was issued
But you never took a second to listen to me
Your selfish needs defeated your focus
Its either everything or nothing with you
We could've waited this out together
Just to sit tight as friends
Wasting no time devouring each others company
Until the dust settled
But according to your behavior
You're just so entirely and terribly confused
At the beginning
When you charged the castle
My mind saw you holding control
Confident with your foot through the door
But time reveals how you're not even a brave warrior
You're just a floppy little jellyfish
You started this trouble and backed out
Before you could finish it
Leaving the ties untied
Letting words be unsaid
Losing the desire to act
And although whispers of secret lust
And crazy attraction
Linger on our lips
Where's the ambition that started this mess
Dig deep and find it
I'm begging you to finish this struggle
Don't make me finish it for you
Be spontaneous
Be forward
Be the strong confident girl that you showed me you could be
You can't lose
After all this destruction
The doors will open with just a glance of your light
You made it far enough into my heart
Please don't turn back now
I honestly just want you to know
That I'm still here
While you cower in a corner of fear
Wallowing in all your questions
Instead of acting on the emotions that are tearing you apart
Give me a chance to show you a whole new world
I'm still standing tall
For you...
You can't stay there
In a place that's unhealthy and miserable
Too scared to come out
So it's safe and predictable...
I can see it in your eyes that you're craving so much more
These feeling are killing you
Let them free and finish what you started
Step all the way through the door
And I'll catch you on the other side

Growing up never comes when you expect it:
It's when you realize that the suicide note under your mattress
Probably has a few too many commas where semicolons should be,
And a little too much emphasis on the last four years of your life-
Missed due dates, flunked exams, and friendships that were supposed to be forever.
It's when you figure out that the boy you spent your freshman year of college worrying about
Never even knew the name of your favorite book,
Or anything else that really mattered.
It isn't something you can predict, or prepare for-
It isn't a sudden shift of priorities that all of a sudden appear
Somewhere in your subconscious, making it a lot easier to get up at 9am for a statistics class
That you're inevitably going to fail.
It isn't anything you do that will change, but rather
A shift inside of you that slowly shakes your entire being.
Youth is only beautiful until it's corrupted,
By the sultry hands of time, beckoning you forward when all you ever wanted to do was hide.
It slowly seeps down into the darkest corners of your mind,
Swallowing up all that innocent ambition
Flung upon you in the fifth grade by a board of indifferent teachers
Who decided to deem you gifted, introducing you to a world of knowledge
Too fascinating to mingle with the uncertainty of responsibility.
There's something frightening about growing old,
Maybe it's because you spent one too many hours of your childhood
Pretending to be someone else- caught up in a storybook world
Full of daydreams and simplicity, too one dimensional for reality.
It's not that it goes away all of a sudden: all the premature doubt
And impulsive wishes of death, or something like it.
But rather, it takes a different form-
That which was once a big red ball full of passionate emotions,
Has deflated, leaving you with only a faint residue of what you used to feel.
Maybe, you got your wish after all- something had to die, you know,
In order for you to carry on without losing your mind.
It's a sad paradox, this sequence of living,
As intuition slowly deteriorates, and common sense
Slinks in, in its premeditated, yet lackluster manner,
And before you know it, you're not a kid anymore.
Peter Pan flew the coop years ago, but Neverland still remains,
A testimony to all the lost childhoods of the ones
Too eager to lay their stake in the land of milk and honey.