my heart on my sleeve...............

i'd take back every word i said to him if i could.
take back every kiss that was shared between him and i.
every necklace and ring.
the songs i used to sing.
they are gone.
i regret everything.
if i could replace every memory with you.
i would. i love the way you write me poems and kiss me
i love the way you hug me from behind and kiss my neck.
i love you not him.
you are absolutely amazing
not even just to me,
to everybody..
every time i talk to them,
they bring you up.
they say you're cute..
until i mention that you are mine..
then they walk away.
i don't want to lose you,
and i know i never will,
you tell me all the time.
and you say not to worry.
but its so hard to have you be all mine <3
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.
*i love you.

i love you,
its simply said,
i love you,
its in my head..

i know you're here,
and i am there..
but in my mind,
you're every where..

back and fourth,
we share a smile,
and into your arms,
i'll stay a while..

i never want to say goodbye,
i never want to see you cry,
i never want to break your heart,
cause i loved you from the start..

i love you more than you'll ever know,
i love you more than i ever thought i would,
i love you more than you love me,
i love you most <3

i lose everything,
you take my breath away,
my heart skips,
i dont know where to go,
but you arent here to see me now,
so remember what i looked like,
tomorrow i might not be here..
so take me for granted,
just kiss me like you mean it..

i feel like i've been here before..
taken in by your eyes,
over powered by old lies..

i feel like i've walked across these grounds,
but i was broken before,
you read my mind,
so i left you there....

i feel like i've heard you speak my name,
but this was not the same,
you're different....
before you spoke my name out of anger,
and i sat quietly,
hushed in the corner.

i feel like i've cried my last tear,
not out of sorrow..
but out of loss....

i realized that i was never jealous....
i was affraid to lose you,
to something you began to miss....

i blew my nose today(:
isn't that great?!

four years;
you have put me through hell.
i reached my breaking point;
but only i can tell.
she has taken everything away from me;
let me down,
please let me be.
for those who stood by my side;
there are others who washed me away like tides.
i have nothing else to live for, im so sorry.
i just wanted to say goodbye because by the time you read this,
i will be on the floor in the first floor school bathrooms,
laying lifeless, but still breathing..
then; only then will you all believe what i say..
this is the end,
i rue this day....

its okay, i fear you not,
you are but a shadow,
left to haunt, I've opened up,
to show you me, you snuck inside,
so you could see, every fear,
that i possess, and every tear,
that left me a mess....

its okay, i fear you not,
you are but a shadow,
left to haunt, I've opened up,
to show you me, you snuck inside,
so you could see, every fear,
that i possess, and every tear,
that left me a mess....

I know,
your dreams,
they're calling out your name,
luring you in,
away from this small town.

I know,
your choice,
it's ringing in my ears,
taking control,
just like I feared.

so when you go,
and leave this town,
as you watch this skyline,
burn to the ground,
when you return..

I wont be here,
not in this house,
I will be searching,
searching for you,
when will I find you?

J'aime la façon que vous me regardez,
Vos yeux si brillants et bleus.
J'aime la façon que vous m'embrassez,
Vos lèvres si molles et lisses.

J'aime la façon que vous me rendez si heureux,
Et les façons que vous vous montrez se soucient.
J'aime la façon que vous dites, "je Vous aime,"
Et la voie vous êtes toujours là.

J'aime la façon que vous me touchez,
Toujours en envoyant des fraîcheurs en bas mon épine dorsale.
Je l'aime vous êtes avec moi,
Et content que vous soyez les miens.

not to brag,
not to lag,
not to sound rude,
and not to have an additude,
but days like these,
tell me truths,
youre fake,
you get and take,
i hate you,
you love me,
your a *****,
and ugly <3

runaway with me,
we can go anywhere,
to be alone,
in a world of so many..

kiss my hand,
dont let me fall,
keep me close,
just so i know,
youre here for me,
no matter what..

now let me go,
and ill come back,
i love you,
and thats a fact <3

the sound of the suttle rainfall and the fear of the dispiteful thunder haunt me in my mind....
the taunting shadows cast by the moonlight fill the back of my mind with the thought of you....
the puddle on my doorstep is begging me to let it inside....
but i think to myself before i make a remark of any sort.... the thunder booms after the long pause of wonder..
as i walk in the rain i pick out each lightening bolt about twenty feet away with the recognition of the danger that i am now faced with.... i lay on the ground as if i was waiting for that moment where the lightening travels through my very body putting me in this strange stat where i fall up and breathe through my hands; everytime i hold your hand it cuts off my breath.... i become fragile and courageous enough to squeeze tighter and tighter. i awaken from my daze by the sound of thunder.. it sounded so sweet in my mind as it reeved like your harleys engine.... so smooth and like you; quick to react.... the rain is starting to burn my skin as i start to run.... the once fimiliar scenery turns distorted and cold.... im back on my doorstep.... you're gone again.... the storm goes on but i pay no mind to it any longer.... i make my way inside.. i unfold my bedspread and turn the fan on high.. i go lay down in the bed you used to tuck me into.. close my eyes and get ready to see you in my dreams.... 6/13/49 - 6/12/08

its just another poem,

its simply just one line,

its just one more thing,

that will waste my time,

i thought that i was done,

with all of your lies,

but no im looking back,

now i start to cry,

i feel the same way,

i felt when you left,

there can not be words,

if there is no breath,

a heart cannot bleed,

every drop of blood,

but when you broke it off,

you dropped me in the mud,

im broken and alone,

please pick up the phone,

i have one last thing,

i feel the need to say,

listen close and listen well,

all i was was a kiss and tell..

breathe,
in
don't forget me now,
as time flies.
out
try thinking of me and you,
the day we met.
in
I was with your best friend,
but we both knew what would happen.
out
the second our eyes met,
I wanted you.
in
you wanted me.
out
....
in
don't let go <3

"Babe i just want you to smile,

If i dont make you smile,

I will hold grudge for a while,

But i want to go many miles,

To stop for awhile,

to take the time to make u smile <3"

~sorry babe i had too <33!

In all aspects of being loved, there are various imperfections or mistakes able to make.
Along with these aspects comes trust. Trust isn't an object, nor an emotion.. trust is a natural instinct. From the day we are delivered in our pink or blue blankets; we cannot be taught the right way to trust a person, we can only learn from one on one living confrontations. For example, if you or I chose right now to trust that lonely forgotten homeless man on the side of the street, that is our decision.... nothing but the mistreatment of my trust can show me different.

we could trick this town,
burn this city to the ground,
fall in love,
as the silent raindrops fell..
we can fall into the pit of trust,
and speak of nothing;
were simply....
just us <3

stronger and closer i grow to him,
he knows so much about me,
he knows that im afraid to show people who i am,
he knows im afraid to lose him,
he knows i love his sweet sweet kisses,
even on the worst of days....
he knows that these very poems are what i feel,
and how i've never had anybody try to get to know me,
so he took that time,
and wrote this line,
about our love,
and how he's mine. <3

the times when i can't make it through.
when my mind rambles.
i think of you..
the moment that i fall alseep.
your face is all i see....
when im crying and broken down.
i look for you.
please turn around.
keep me safe.
keep me sound.
walk with me to the end of time.
write me a song.
sing me every line.
i fell so fast and hard and yet.
it is your heart,
i cant seem to get.
lock me up and open my key..
kiss me quick,
kiss me sweet <3

if you can catch me; then please be my guest....
open your arms and cushion my fall.
dont give me that false hope;
like you gave every other girl....
when you say i love you;
i want you to mean it....
when you hold me close to you;
and kiss me..
as you hold my waist;
and i wrap my arms around your shoulders;
dont just think about how you like me because i like you;
think about why i mean so much to you;
then as we lay in bed;
your body covering mine like a blanket;
dont just count my breaths as you go;
realize i dont want this to end;

liquid night,
drowning me in all my foolish regrets,
taking the very words out of my mouth,
you see, but turn your head.
im taken under by the lack of interest invested in this case,
and over come by the pain across your face.
and louder,
and louder,
this liquid night begins to call;
aware of the silent climb,
unaware of the fall.

little white flowers,
fallen to the ground,
her small silent cries,
are no where to be found.
he sees her there all alone,
but no where near her does he go..

deprived of the right to breathe..
told not to listen..
left in a room, with nothing but paper and a pen..
instructions on the wall..
left to instruct all..
write down what your mind has brought to you
she looks at her hands..
picks the pencil up and records on the paper..
"i wish not to breathe and told not to listen,
this room is nothing but lonesome despare, let me out.."
the first tear falls, and the words disapear..

Welcome to a new day,
nothings happened yet,
make it how you want it,
so you wont regret.
you dont look back,
you cant tell me,
how i feel.. cause i feel alone,
if you are still here,
take my hand and help out,
this is a lost and found..
its funny you should say that
but nothing ever changes.
things may sometimes look the same,
but life just rearranges.

do you feel it too?
is that feeling new to you?
a tingle in your fingertips?
is it moving up to your lips?
can you feel the butterflies?
did you look him in the eyes?
have you told him how you feel?
did he tell you this was real?
are you staring at the stars?
are you are you forgetting all the scars?
do you know how this will end?
would you rather be his friend?
have you ever felt his kiss?
is he something that you'll miss?
do you know the name of this?
*its called love

i saw with my eyes,
so many lies,
i walked on this ground,
not truth to be found,
i fell for your trick,
your lies were so sick,
i kissed you in the rain,
but could not wash away my pain,
i thought that we were perfect,
but you lied,
you're not worth it..

Save me from these awful threats,
all around I see him, dead..
I wonder how I sleep at night,
from all those tears that I still fight.
I know he's there to watch me fall,
He was my hottest summer, coldest winter,
and my greatest down fall....
So if you see me shed a tear,
come tell me what I wish to hear..
tell me that he remembers me,
and thinks about me every day.
tell me even if it's not,
that everything will be okay.

hello darling,
have you come to be,
all by yourself,
by this willow tree.

do you posses a book in hand,
a poem in mind,
simple lines.

i can even start to imagine for you,
what to say, and where to write.

make it before dark sets in..
before the mist,
covers the ground.

and hope you notice,
i hope you hear,
day just fell to night; my dear.

I sat today and thought over a thousand times about this.
It has been roaming in my mind for the past day or two.
I just wish that there was a much easier way that I could tell you.
I wish that you would automatically know when you look at me.
But that is not an option in this.
I wish that there was one hundred hours in the day so I could sit
in the oak tree and pluck off all it's leafs.
But that is not a option I want to take.
I guess that I am  just trying to say that ten years from now,
I want you to be the one holding me and keeping me safe
from all possible harm that comes my way....
Bit i know that is not an option for me.

hello old friend,
can you hear me?
hear me calling?
screaming out your name..
wondering if you're there..
am i even sane?
call out for a doctor,
help me help myself.
im lost with out your guide..
i feel as if im wasting time....

we could leave tonight, and go anywhere in the world..

we can dance across the faded purple sky..

we can scream at the top of our lungs, just to get one point across..

maybe on the way, we can stop and spend a day;

lying on the beach, saying our goodbyes under the beautiful night sky.... <3

fading in to this scene,
we feel the paper hold between,
a broken world and a lonely soul,
who knew love would take this toll.

a lighter burns two feet away,
i guard the flame so it's okay.
i know that this will hurt,
but i only care for what it's worth.

the last time i checked..
i wasn't at all perfect..
but do you think that i care?
that's not me..
never was;
never will be..
i don't want to be perfect..
because in my book....
perfect is fake.
and fake isn't me..
so can we all get over it?
this is reality..
and if you think you're perfect..
you might want to change your name to barbie;
live in your pretty little house,
with the family you had to buy.
sorry but..
perfectisn'tme<3

i pity you, you stupid *****,
cause all you are is ****** ****,
you think you are the best of all,
but i'll be there when you fall,
i hate your guts,
more than you know,
so please go die,
you ******* *** <3

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry..... i love you):

I figured my life was going good.
Just like how it should.
Cheer me up.
And break me down.
Did you see me turn around?

It's simple.
To an extent.
Like rain and sun.
The light gets bent.

With hugs and kisses.
Comes broken wishes.
And steady misses.

today dragged on as if i would never see you again....
so every where i went i took another picture..
and another..
taking so many that you could cover miles....
but every single picture i took;
meant more and more to me....
i got attached to the smells and sounds of this city..
the people that walked by..
the tiny street stores and market places..
it was all so over whelming....
but in the end....
looking back at the pictures....
all the familiar faces..
it was just another city;
with victims;
accusations;
and tourist attractions.

fall in to me,
i am your savior.

kiss my cheek,
i am your savior.

hold me closer,
i am your savior.

don't let me down,
i am your savior.

has a single word i said passed through your mind?
entering the realm of reality?
have you evern began to listen to me speak?
ive been going on and on for so long.
dont you know i care?
do you even realize that im no there?
cause snap out of it..
youre reading a letter..
pretending that i am reading in to you.
should i just give up?
should i carry on writting if i know you wont read it..
our future is depending on this.
does that matter anymore?
did it ever matter to begin with?

i gave you every sign,
you are on my mind.
im sorry i upset you,
You care i know you do.
im scared to show me to you....
you know you are my world,
and im your baby girl,
but im affraid of heart break,
i hope you understand.. ): <3

along the path you set for me,
i came across a skeleton key,
off the side there was a tag,
the words i read seemed to lag,
i caught my breath and read aloud,

*take this key, i have endowed,
find my weakness.... break me down.

Maybe someday i will be able to erase you from my mind.
maybe someday i'll have th courage to be able to drive by your house and not look at it and remember piggy back rides and my legs around your waste as you kissed me.
maybe i'll be able to hold somebody's hand without wishing he was you.
maybe i will finally be able to write something happy in my poetry book.
maybe im actually done with you not beliving anything that i tell you.
maybe im fed up with all the stupid crap you've caused in my life.
maybe i want my life to be like it was before i had met you.
maybe i want my mom's trust and the old relationship we had back.
maybe i wish my family didn't know how i felt about you.
maybe i wish my mom didn't cry over the fact that i blame you for everything that happened.
maybe i wish i never texted you back after you said you loved me.
maybe someday.. just maybe....

this place is hell,
they lock you up and make you quiet,
they take you aside and tell you what you did wrong,
they stare at you until you understand,
they teach you nothing,
they think that they are so **** smart,
but fail you if they don't like you,
i hate stupid people and their high educations..

just a summer breeze in the quiet morning, the sudden fall of a maple leave, a golden kiss of a dragonfly, and the silent flutter of a sparrows wings.

its summer in the afternoon, falling into night, talking amongst their selves, and kissing under the bridge..

the warm hushed night has come to be, a simple wish just you and me, a faster trip to the tree were you once said you love me <3

you have deprived me of everything that i have ever had with you or any other person that i have had time to get close with. so one more thing cannot hurt me anymore than you have already;
all i ask is you leave me be,
so i do not have to be reminded of our yesterdays..
i wish to forget you and....
i wish to flee this place;
because every time i glance around,
i am drowned by the memory of you.
these thoughts haunt me..
and they keep me from moving forward....
so all i ask is you stay out of everything i do right and everything that does me wrong.

ashes, they fall conspicuously around my enabled body as if they were not there at all.
burns, spread across my stomach as if they were wild fire ripping through the silent night.
regrets, flowing through my mind as if I were mesmerized by the fact I shall not succeed.
love, flows in my veins, my veins roam my body until they reach their end. love, it overcomes us all, but we chose to be taken in....

im cold, and lonely..
broken beyond repair.
i can only imagine
your fingers in my hair.
as you kiss my neck,
i look back and check....
but youre not there,
this house is bare.
silent screams,
echoing..
shattering the window panes,
the chilling sounds,
driving me insane....
this house,
this house will be the death of me....