Being perfectly honest, I have no one to blame but myself.
Right now I sit, fingers bleeding and raw from too much picking, biting, scratching, pinching my face and holding or wrenching my head and hair all because of me. There is no answer, no burden relief…. just the truth. And maybe that’s too much for one person to bear.
This has been going on for a long, long time. Personally, I think it all started with diversity. We all know energy cannot be created or destroyed; it just changes from one form to the next. Everything goes back to that and this godforsaken planet. Why did our god-consciousness devise a physical realm through which to express itself? Why did our god-spirit, a universal entity ‘spinning in infinity’ choose to become man, and experience a life of restriction and decay? Out there we were…. pre-conception, unlimited by time, space and biology. All sensation was total; arguably far more real and tangible than anything we have experienced since. We were intrinsically one, not a part of the universal whole, for we, together, constituted the whole. There was no you or me – we just were. When the first chemical isomerised, or the first whatever polarised, a self destructive chain reaction set up an evolutionary time bomb that would ultimately(?) produce organic form ‘sophisticated’ enough for our god-consciousness to parasitise and torment. Well brother, sister, hold on tight ‘cause that’s you and me. We are all experimentations of our divine selves in a game to see how we would cope without our god-knowledge and god-experience and god-perception.
And I wonder why I’m going nuts.
Day Zero. . . . Day Zero. . . . Day Zero. . . . Day Zero.
‘In the Beginning’ there was no time. Nowadays there’s still no time, although nowadays it’s more no-time-for-anything; whereas way back then there was no time for anything, but time for everything…. if you see what I mean.
On the one level (or dimension if you like) there was the god-consciousness – the zone of ephemera that just was. A heavenly realm where all spirit dwelt in total communion. As I sat in her presence she took me within herself and my physicality exploded; every building block of my familiar self was phased, so I could become one with the entity. This transportation facilitated communication with the Other that I had now morphed with; a communication so basal and profound but so simple and totally gratifying the remnant of me that I could still perceive wept openly and eternally.
At the moment of initiation I became aware of so many secrets that had for so long troubled my man-self, and wanted to comfort the weeping of my dormant spirit but had now way of communicating these inhuman messages.
A few things that underpin the whole event of understanding was the knowledge that all these thoughts were based in eternity. Like I said, timeless, but that’s just one factor. It is impossible to answer questions of eternity with a finite brain but (thankfully) not impossible to kick a few of these questions around (which we have been avoiding like dog-****) and come up with some interesting ideas. It was in this way I was able to communicate these ideas from my god-consciousness to my man self, and thus take a few philoso-theologic steps. I was willing to learn how to walk again slowly, and to be honest would have been overjoyed if I was ever able to walk without the steadying hand of the god-consciousness. But little did I know it would send me to the edge of destruction - on the shore of the real fiery pit.
Perhaps this was why, theologically, man could never see god and live. For to see god is to know god, and the very being of man is not designed to deal with godly things…. If too much comprehension is taken on board, the mind ‘short-circuits’, and fails to deal with the most basic of functions. We’re not meant to know that much. It’s as simple as that.
So while my man-self mourned the loss of innocence, the god-consciousness that I was now part of continued our holy communion. I became an integral part of a vision: ideas, concepts, images flew around and through ‘me’, no language was spoken, no stimulus triggered these responses, but I understood all and roamed the universe in spirit.
We have been so repressed for years – not by a dictator, or a society, but at a basic level, by language and communication. Our brains are so finite and discrete (or at least that portion that we employ seems to be) that when we try and relate even the simplest notion, we have to select a word, phrase or image that at best approximates what we are thinking. Even art and literature, when descriptive powers are maximised, are still only pointing to the feelings, the motives that made us create. In the god-consciousness, all language filters and communication barriers were gone; thought drifted in purity and totality from originator to recipient, for we were all part of the Whole. This is the (sadly limited) translation.