wasn't a big deal when i was joking about it
thought they'd never notice
ha
we'd ALL joke about it
"it'll never happen to us"
in the back of my mind,
"it'll never happen to me"
"i'd NEVER do that"
heavens forbid no i'm a good girl
yeah
"who would do that to themselves"
until the day the pain was to strong
and the medicine wasn't enough
and the blade wasn't sharp enough
and not eating wasn't getting you skinny enough
and everyone around you
the one that said they loved you the most
said they'd do ANYTHING for you
now in your mind, the hypocritical ones
telling you they could do nothing to help you
while others walked away without understanding of what was really going on
and you'd sit alone
with the mindset that you'd go nowhere
miserable
wondering how you could help yourself
without the support of no one else but reality of searching everywhere for someone other than yourself
but not finding anyone else but yourself
when you looked in the mirror
and the only word you could imagine to describe yourself
your self esteem
your body
your personality
was hate
went through your mind that you HATED every little thing about yourself
brutal realization isn't enough
you don't KNOW ENOUGH until you've HAD ENOUGH
and come to the realization that the addiction tot he pain will always be enough because your prone to the feeling of what you know
is the pain
you LOVE