When you hear the word devil
The first thought that comes to mind
Is of a little red man with horns
He embodies evil, stands for darkness
And in theory, you know to always avoid him
Theory is far different from practice however
And the devil is a crafty man
Assuming many guises, hoping to ensnare you
He can be the most beautiful person in the world
Because he once was an angel, God's favorite
And though he has fallen from grace, his past remains

I never thought the devil would trick me
I was faithful, vigilant
I chose to seek out good people and live a life full of love
Little did I know, those good people
Were servants of the devil
Casting a facade, drawing me in
Ultimately, an attempt to destroy me was made
And though I did not perish
I am left a broken man
Unable to love, or trust
Because of two people, who seemed so wonderful
Who were actually the devil in disguise
Determined to crush my soul

Morning
Tastes like coffee,
The aftertaste of a childhood
Back when we paced ourselves
When a day was a day, not a complaint,
We picked up any old shell and said
‘Listen, the ocean!’
Now that we’ve grown up we know that
Its only our own hearts echoing in our ears,
Reminding us that we still have a pulse
And if you think about it,
Does it mean that we are just waves?

So I wake up thinking about how
We call it daylight savings time but the only thing we are saving is ourselves,
Preserving our subconscious in all the words we never wanted--
We erased them, but the words we do our best to make disappear
Are the ones sheltered in eraser shavings,
Brushed to the floor and tracked everywhere
On the shoes we wear from place to place,
Haunting us with the very things we are running to escape.
But pushing the clock forward an hour
Will do nothing to make you run faster
Will not hold the tide in place for you to catch
Only invalidate the time you have taken to progress

And the thirty foot jump off the pier in pitch black is worth it
For the bioluminescence that swells up around us--
Is that the daylight we misplaced
When we tried to save it?
Is it the waves or your heartbeat you hear
Trapped in the bubbles of cool night air
that we take with us as we plunge home into the ocean

Mistakes
I remember one day
We were standing in the snow
Winter was strange that year
Bi-polar in a way
Icy nights mixed with 50 degree days
Not much made sense
Until I found you
And you were my rock
Steady, constant
Keeping me levelheaded throughout all the trials and tribulations
That a young man faces growing up

I never knew I needed that
Someone I could rely on
So I foolishly struck out on my own
Thinking I was stronger
Than I actually could be
So when I burned out, like always
I had nobody to save me
So I crashed hard

These days I miss you
And regret walking away
Because I know now that I needed you
And I think I still need you
To make things feel okay
When life is going to hell
And I feel all alone
So if I ask you to come back?
Could I have you, for just one day?

up so high in a nest
the birdy sings of heading west
doesn't want this life that's been made
laid out so plain
saddled with the guilt and pain
of disappointing the ones who got him there
but looking down the view isn't so scary
and the risk outweighs the wary
of staying
betraying
his dreams
one last night he lets his mother tuck him in to sleep
yet when the moon creeps
across the world
birdy spreads his eager feathers
without a word
and was never heard
from again

it wasn't snowing yet, but they'd told us it would.
probably I said something infantile, about how
I could smell it, the frostiness of snowflakes in the
air, because you smiled that knowing smile of yours,
like you were an adult and i was a child and you
didn't have the heart to take my innocence away.

that look always made my heart smile, sadly, and
it also drove me up a wall, partly because it made
me want to hug you close and pity you the
burden of assumed moral superiority, and whisper
that you, too were a child. but mostly because you
were right— I clung to my naiveté while you, you
had already had the good sense to push it away.
it followed you around with sad puppy eyes, but
you knew it and you kept it at arm's length.
you brave, brave soul.

when it did start to snow I wasn't surprised. you
were. you didn't say anything. we were in
a deserted school hallway, listening, removed
from the other kids' cries. we were
delighted too, but the others wanted to run home
early, and we knew the definition
of home better than they. and I can speak only for
myself but it seemed we both wanted only to stay
forever side by side, tucked away in our corner,
me reveling in the softness of love and friendship
and winter, you trying to be there with me but having
trouble leaving your mind, where that sad-eyed
puppy snapped at your heels. it whimpered
but you held your own.

and slowly, we built up moments like this one.
we wallowed in each other and in the coziness
of cloudy days. we read good poetry and
heard good music and took photographs as we
discussed life from our  softer world.
there were moments of such pure white happiness
that they came full circle to being sad,
simply because I knew I would never be that
happy again, and I was not wrong, and I didn't
want to be. and we had
sad moments, too, never ever think I am not
happy to be sad with you.

and slowly, too, your innocence knew its
defeat, and sat obediently at your feet,
and we shared things.
but I was a child, and a weak one at that, and
God knew I was not as strong as you so she
gave me no great suffering to speak of, to
share with you. no way to reciprocate the
vulnerability you gave, and that in
itself was suffering for me.

I regret that I was not good at saying things.
that while
you had to be your own adult and push childhood
away, I clung hopelessly to mine as
I discovered me and watched it slip
from my small hands.

among the plethora of reasons I can give for
bitterly hating sunny days is the
way the sun slanted through the window and lit
up your eyes and swilled particles around
your face like fairy dust on the day you reached
out and pulled my lanyard over your own neck.
look, you said, content. almost proud.
I'm wearing a bit of you around my
neck, and you wove it through your
sunlit fingers, eyes bright. you tugged on it,
lightly. that's what love does, it strangles
you. and we all want it.

and I gasped at the way that word sounded,
so harsh in such beautiful sunlight on such
a soft face. but I don't want to strangle
you. I said that. thoughtlessly,
instinctively. I regret it every day. in that regard,
you gave me a strength, but it's no german shepherd—
you are so **** strong.

when your ache tugged and tugged at you,
tore you from reality, or brought you closer to it,
it slipped its finger into that lanyard knot. loosened it.
I could have reached out right then, as you had when you
pulled the sun-soaked string over your head, and
tightened it. tightened us. been a friend.

I didn't tug the knot. if you run.
when you run,
I know that two grown dogs
will follow after you, blocked
from the sun by your receding shadow.

9:04pm
My circulation is poor
You consumed far too much of my veins,
leaving little space for my own blood to flow.
I saw your favorite bagels on my counter this morning,
it seemed quite strange to me because
I know you wont be around here
anytime soon.
And you don’t have to tell me twice
I’m already convinced
that you don’t know the difference,
but I saved you like the last drop of coffee at the bottom of the mug
anyway
all that remains is your smell on my pillow
and a conscience as clouded
as your steamed filled car
one friday night
and I've swallowed the sad truth that my hands may be meant
for applying the shampoo to wash your troubles away
but theres no point in trying if you're too stubborn to turn on the faucet.
once
just one time
let me flow over you
and show you the love i could give;
you’d reject it anyway,
you've never been good at loving anyone
but yourself.
but the fingers on the piano keys invited me to sing along,
not to the sad melody I stream in my mind
that reminds me of you.
and i'll never show you any of the poems I write
because then you'd know I think of you
as constantly as the clock changes time.
9:33pm