I stopped writing for awhile
For I had started to forget
Forget what it was like to
Be left alone again.

After you had left I was abandoned
With my own thoughts I had to write
A love as pure as you is something I cannot find over night.

And for some time I was there
Stuck in desperation for a little more
Left to try and repair my body
My life stuck in a repetitious bore.

But slowly I pulled myself out
Finding serenity through friends
Peace of mind came quickly, easier
I found that my thoughts of you came to an end.

I participated, I went out
I let others hold me as you once did
And slowly I found life less lonesome
To open up and be happy again.

But once more you came back knocking
With hopes to drag me in
And in my foolish glee, I accepted
And I went spiraling down again.

I got caught up in speaking with you
Then forgot that it would soon end
For when you got what you had wanted
I was left alone to fend.

I'm quick to jump to conclusions:
Maybe I could get you back again
Or I could always turn and find it easiest
To stay laughing with my friends.

But we both know that I won't choose the latter
I'm weak and foolish to try to crawl back
But that never matters
*For I'm addicted to your attention
And I slip down at your suspension.

I am standing in the
middle
of this
buzzing road
surrounded by heavily crowded pools
filled with plenty of other souls.

                               there's so many of them
                               too many of them
                   how can I ever feel alone?
                               but I am
                                                 alone.

they came in pairs,
in triplets,
quadruplets,
and a million more number variations that I am too lazy to mention!
they are going about the day,
basking in the sunlight of their current successes,
bragging.
I wish they would shut up

                               there's so many of them.
                               too many of them.
             how can I ever feel alone?
                               but I am
                                                alone.

I can feel the temperature shift beneath my feet
as I slightly stumble on a
rough patch
they were helping each other ever so kindly
...but not me.
                              there's so many of them around me
                              too many of them
            how can I ever feel alone?
                              but I am still
                                                      alone.

bu­t I don't much care about that lot
there is another lot
and there are worse feelings:

                 like feeling shrivelled up in your own
                           world and left to rot,
                                      lonely
             with the people who are supposed to be
                                  your home.





                              **I am alone.

Explorer of ink smudges and paper cuts,
She pilots her pen along the roads of a page.
With crisscrossed legs, she travels with windswept hair,
Scrawling to him on a route of blue and the red:
"Each moment we are together,
we write a new line of this poem."

He rummages through leaves of paper,
Words scribbled upon the pieces
like freshly fallen snow upon tree branches.
He searches in vain, seeing only her emerald-brown eyes.
Finally, with words at a breakneck speed, he writes:
*"And yet, there will never be verses enough
to encompass the scope of our voyage."

I lay in my bed and clench my fist
Wondering why I exist
So weak but I still lift the world
My head twirls
I wanna hurl
But not in front of my girl
I wonder if she knows how weak I am
How insecure I am
How much I'm scared of losing her

Always said I hate my father
But I think that's because we're our own worst enemy

I don't know if I'll ever have heaven seen
I claim these bottles are helping me
But it's just a distraction

I sit alone as I clench my fist
Wondering why I exist
So weak but I still lift the world
I'm a clam with a pearl inside
But I refuse to show what's inside
I don't want you to know what really goes on my mind
I don't want you to know that I cry
I don't want you to know I don't lie
Making you believe my compliments I gave to you we're lies
Just so I could get inside
But I secretly hope you realize
They weren't

I fall down as I clench my fist
Wanting to fight
But I finally broke down and this image is at an end
I knew I could never win
These gloves are torn
And my poor soul can't afford more
I'm alone as I clench my fist
So weak and can no longer lift the weight

I get in my knees and pray
I don't know how to or who to but I pray

I find a high branch in the darkest part of the forest
And have the noose take my breath away
Still alone but can no longer clench my fist
Let's see if an afterlife exist
Maybe this life was worthless
And dealing with the pain was worthless
Let's see where my soul exist
My face turns purple like our favorite color
Little things like that, I pray I remember
As I go
Where do I go
I don't know
I wish I could write when I see the light
This is *goodbye

Can’t you see your beauty?
That shines inside and out?
Why do you stay blind?
Why don’t you open your eyes?

Loved by everyone,
yet you cannot love yourself.
                            Why?
You're wonderful the way you are.
A masterpiece created with the finest paints.
Your skin is the perfect canvas.

Adorned with beauty,
yet you insist on marring it.
You paint it with pain and desperation,
angry slashes fill the canvas stained rain.
You say, “It’s been a bad year.”
your eyes on the floor.
Don’t be ashamed, you're not alone anymore.

I used to paint to, I've been there before.
I would paint onto my canvas
anger and despair
with a paint soaked brush—dripping red.
My heart begins to tear,
to think you’ve landed in the same darkness,
where the light is difficult to see.
Oblivious to those who love you—you are blind.
Unaware of those who say they love you—you are deaf.

Relinquish your brush,
and let yourself heal.
Open your eyes and see the light in front of you—extending its hand.
I will help you walk this road,
paving the way with dreams of brighter days.
Traveling to the land of hope and dreams,
the land of safety and acceptance,
the land where you can be free of your demons.

Everything will heal someday,
the marks you made will continue to fade
—until they are but silhouettes on a blank canvas.
Your heart will heal,
until the day you no longer paint with the colors of pain and sadness,
but with shades of hope and joy.
When you finally see that you are not alone.
When you hear the cries of those who wept for you.
When you feel the sorrow of those who prayed for you.
When know the truth of those who said they loved you.
I walked by your side,
guided you when you could no longer see,
and listened to you when you screamed and cried as you fought your inner demons.
But now you must listen to me, my friend.
There will be better days,
hold your head up high and smile.
The best has yet to come.