I must have fallen in and out of love
a dozen times over the years.
This summer I have seen a few of the girls
who once were the objects of my affection-
albeit idealised versions of themselves
whom I created in my mind
and placed on pedestals-
and spoken with them
as though I never felt a spark of passion.
And perhaps I did not.
So what love have I had that lasted?
None comes to mind.
How is it I fall in love so easily?
I only believe I have not fallen in love at all.
And if I have never loved,
yet felt so strongly for each after the other,
I can only imagine the depths
I might feel one day for you.
Who can say what it is to love?
But I wish to find out;
not to fall in love slowly,
but all at once.
And then all at once again.
Like an ocean's waves,
endlessly washing over me,
I wish to endlessly fall in love with you.
To look into your eyes
with a steady gaze and know,
without hesitation or the faintest doubt,
that I love you in that very moment.
Because I cannot promise to love you always,
and I cannot say I have loved you always,
but I certainly can say I love you right now.
And what is more honest than to love you in the present tense?
And what more could I give than my entire self, as I am, today?
I feel as though,
I was destined for this.
And if you crush me,
I would be so honoured to be crushed.
If you found another better than I-
and scarcely difficult would that be to do-
there would be no surprise on my part.
But were you to knowingly forgo
the possibility of something better,
to be with me,
there is nothing more than that which I desire.
And I am so very often lukewarm,
not feeling strongly one way or the other.
I would have to say I want for very few things,
if I were honest.
But my strongest and most passionate wish
is to be with you.