It's 3AM.
I sit in my room with nothing but the glow of a single
halogen
lamp.
All around me is darkness.
I stare,
coldly,
into the abyss of the space around me,
heated only by
the lamp.

For a second, I wonder.
I wonder about
the lamp.
How it fends off the darkness.
How it radiates a glow into an empty room.
How it doesn't do, or think;
how it just 'is'.

I wonder what it all means,
and I wonder why it matters.

Then, I just sit.

I like toast I like
Toast I like toast I like toast
I like toast I like

Men seldom made passes,
At girls who wore glasses,
But now the slipper's on the other foot:

Fashion has changed,
In this day and age,
And now, looking geeky, is good.

All my life my heart has saught
A nameless feeling but received distraught
And now, at last
Alone with you,
Here comes that feeling back from outta' the blue,

Do I love you? Do you love me back?
Is this passion true, or just torment?

They say home is where the heart is:
Mine is currently in a car doing one-sixty in a fifty
Beats per minute zone traveling smoothly
As I dance from lane to lane.

This place will never leave me
As I scuttle, plain and simply.
Trying best to crash before I make it to my meeting
In a zone that's not the same.

This town changed long ago
And yet, I remained indifferent:
Idiocy could see right through me
And stupidity would hit a brick wall after I would.

I'm undeserving running through a desert made of wet sand
Whilst everyone else jogs onwards as if it's asphalt.
I am a lost soul:
Save yourself and treat me as a warning.

It is 4AM.
I am alone on the city
Illuminated pretty
By the glow of desolate streetlights.

Each building stood tall,
Proud
Crowded by its neighbours;
and I am scaring the landscape.

I prowl from street to street
Wondering who I'll meet
Trawling slowly from
one corner to the next.

And I'm alone, lost in this place
Left to search an empty basement
Full of junk I'd rather forget
That clings to me incessant.

This area a purgatory
And I am my own Jesus.
I burn at the stake,
faking proudness.

Not even Judas could appreciate this effort.

Vultures fly above the sky
Guarding memory leaks,
And occasionally through the cracks
My thoughts begin to seep:

Some about me and most about you,
I'd wish we'd never met.
A contradiction through and all,
Because without you I'd burn to death.

Money, Success, Fame and Glamour
are the only things left to achieve,
anything else is pointless
and will only result in glee.

Mandate me more,
for machines work better
not broken.

I am better used than left to rot:
My soul is not your plaything.

Every year I buy a plant
And dig it in the soil,
Then I cherish it, love it, all
Until it has withered and gone.

A plant that stands and grows real tall
Is the type I like,
But when winter comes again
It couldn't care for life.

I am left alone like a sabbat in the sun.

Nausea.
It hits hard and I unravel
like a spindle,
My nerves breaking and stretching down to the last, thread-bare, drop.

Empty bottles detail the night;
Even these don't comfort anymore.
I am alone with myself.

Turning to face my accomplishments, I stare
Petrified by their lack of worth or meaning.
My mind is a dark room, the light has long since dimmed.
And you are yet to join me in this solitude.

Don't fret, it will come soon enough.
Quiet at first, then heaving
Smashing and crashing through your worlds own idea of itself.

Together we will be alone
And desolate but yet closer than two lovers may ever be.

Lost are we
Upon familiar ground,
Moving but stuck,
Reaching yet planted,
Close, alas apart,
Achieved and empty:
Loved. Unloved.

We are the last humans, my friend.
Never forget what it is to be alive;
Hold your Nausea close.

Look at the failure, stood over there,
The world his oyster, yet his hands are bare.
Indecisive till the end but confident on the out,
Should've dropped the pride, ended the doubt.

Look at the waster, dwinding away,
Long grown hair, ***** face on display.
Could've been somebody important,
Helped the world out, what a shame he decided to fall stout.

Look at the, deadbeat, crouching, still,
Isn't he brill,
Lifewaster.
Hello, Mirror.

A baby she wants,
She said to me,
A baby she wants with me.
With all the trouble and turmoil attached,
A baby she wants, with me.

A baby she wants,
She said to me,
A baby she wants with me.
I am the perfect man, she said,
'the guy the father should be'.

A baby she wants,
She said to me,
A baby she wants wi-
I walk.
We've been seeing each other for 5 weeks I say,
5 weeks I say as I walk.

Love isn't instant, and parenthood is an expedition. I have no yearning for either.

'She means nothing to me' I utter
after saying the words 'I love you'.
I repeat this to myself, slowly,
Mantra.
Calming and smooth.

This was my one goal, this time,
Not falling in love so fast and quick,
Maybe I need a Doctor,
Maybe, oh maybe I'm sick.

What is love, but word or phrase
feeling or thought to the mind?
To me it is neither of these,
For it changes with passing time.

Your heels quiver and arms shake,
akimbo moving slowly between motion and motion.
He sits in your arms shivering, sighing and
for this one moment swears you are his.

It's decided, you're both in love, soul
mates:  meant for each other. But listen,
When passion fades and thoughts remain, bear this in mind, dear:
At least one of you are lying.

Happiness
Something I'm struggling for, eternally,
I still won't be conceived.
With words, golden;
You paint pictures.
Who needs it?
Life
Goals
Culture
Dreams
Searching,
Where art thou
Happiness.

Poison. I don't want it.

Passion breeds deeply in both of us,
Lies expelling in every single momentary ******.
Making the mist thinner and thinner
Leading us closer to the ******* truth.

Bodies on bodies, skin touching skin
Caressing slowly what is left of old certainties.
Seconds become minutes and minutes become hours
Time stretches, akin to a rubber band.

Our pours unleashing sweat upon our slightly bruised figures,
Although the grease of former fabrications has gone;
We reached out and found each other,
But we held together not in our hearts,

But hands.

Swiftly I feel you,
That breeze from your lips
As your hand slowly caresses
My side and my hips.

The thought that you’re here
Doesn’t quite warm the soul:
You mean nothing to me
This belief’s bad to behold

Societies ideal
Where love can flourish
Is not quite one
That I agree with, nor cherish

You mean to me
No more than friend or foe
Good times shall be had,
But nothing much more, this I know

Really, I’m sad
That this is all we can be
But trust me, it’s the best
When you’re dealing with a person like me:

And now my rhymes broke,
This poem, gone asunder
For my thoughts and feelings have encroached from yonder:
******* society, these modern ideals ****.

Day
It repeats short bursts
over and
over and
over.

Repetition after repetition,
time after time
It circles.

I am laid naked upon the cross of life
and you bare my front for me,
no more.

Are these my tears or just useless shower-water?
I'm stained.

I saw a star fall from the sky tonight.
It made me think about the beginning and end of life,
And everything inbetween.
This is known as 'living'; a tedious form of biology
Beautiful, evidently, in its own way
And a conundrum drowning every mind on the planet.
So ceaselessly devoted to understanding, are we
That most of our time 'living' is spent on this process,
As if our purpose and place is to find our purpose and place.
We exist as the ultimate dramatic irony,
Our spectators laughing as we sit perplexed
Only to be snatched before a conclusion is reached.

As the star fell, its tail faded
Catching up to its head in the process before disappearing into nothingness.
Is this what will happen to us?
Are our thoughts, feelings, desires, temptations, urges, wonderments, emotions, character and self
Really so easily snuffed?
Do we just disappear?
In the scale of things, do we really matter?
No; I am comforted by the thought that the star lives on
Free to travel the universe and impact on beings,
Be it beyond our level of reasoning.
And even if it no longer can be viewed, no longer implore others to its self,
I know it hit upon me in a manner I will never forget:
It has changed my own course just as gravity changed his,
Through myself and anyone that saw it, it will live on.
It will continue to be.
It will continue to exist.

More rain than snow
More wind than woe
Begone! O-excrusiating paradise.

This wonderland's not for me
I'm too small to be seen
Instead I'll reminisce in my cavern of ice.