I remember the day
You'd look at me and say,
With a giddy smile, how exited you were
To spend a few minutes doing nothing, together.
I remember the tether
That held my mind stable
For as long that it was able to,
But snapping was overdue.
Overworked, it held strong, never a falter.
I bowed and worshipped like at an altar
At the immeasurable peace you brought to my heart.
And, joy! It was only a start.
But it all fell apart,
When one day you turned away,
And with your pity run dry, you swallow and say
That you're tired of talking to me.
My mother once said that I was miserable,
And it spread to those others, causing nothing but trouble.
Then you would come and say that it wasn't true
and her nose had grew.
If only I had known that my chance was blew.
Friendship with you.
Today,
You ignore most words that I say.
Those that slip past
Your defense, so steadfast,
Are met with apathy.
Such a tragedy,
How can it be?
That I made you hate me.
They say there's no need for misery, hypocrisy, or strife.
If that's the case then I should take a knife,
And cut out every sector of my brain that drives me insane
to the point where I feel.
Because, if you think of me someday
I'd rather you remember my smile.
one that never existed, just a grimace so vile.
And with you quickly leaving,
There's pain that has me heaving.
Trying to remember what I did before you arrived
and I fall into a loneliness, convinced I belong in a dustbin.
A familiarity that I somehow take comfort in.
And as I run from my feelings, I stumble and fall.
I reach out for your hand, but there's no one at all.
Then you send me a message, my heart floods with joy.
Forget all the pain, it was only a ploy!
Everything is okay now,
If I just watch my tongue, and keep the sorrow from spilling over top.
Then I stop,
And remember how you told me that this façade was breaking me.
But it doesn't matter
I've lived like this before, my brain is wired,
to respond with "I'm just tired."