from a young age i was told
of the power of words.
to watch my mouth,
for fear of seeing the horns of
the stag i called.

i called.

i called you my loadstar,
for i wish to never lose
sight of you.
i called you my loadstar,
for you guide
my every thought.

i fear the horns,
for a ship can never reach
its loadstar.

if you train a dog to stay in one spot
with cages and leashes and sparks,
it will stay on its own, robbed of its freedom.

perhaps I was trained similarly,
robbed of my freedom to profess love, for fear of bothering.

as the city was built, one of the first orders
was to build a dam.
the construction took years, resulting in a marvel of architecture.
a dam capable of holding back any amount of water it's tasked to.

as the years wore on, the water became poisoned, beginning to harm the city.
no flood nor tool can crumble this dam.
our once great town is doomed

there lives an adventurer.
awaking one day in a dense forest, unknown to him.
he did not intend for this journey, yet he intends to see it to the end.
after taking years to compose himself, he decided to stick to one direction,
deciding to travel alone, and finish alone.

though along his way he has met several who he has cherished.
in his dreams, he sees visions of what life with others could be.
he drifts towards them, not realizing how he abandons his plan.


there lives a child
who fancies herself grown,
while believing that she recognizes her immaturity.
believing she knows what she wants of life,
believing herself wiser than the adventurer, to follow her compass.

but as red points north, white has other plans.

welcome back, spirit.
it's been a while, and i
urge you to keep your visit brief.

i'm beginning to notice when you return.
when i plan ahead, you show your
hideous face.

hello, hollow ghost.
do you realize the inadequacy you represent ?
do you realize that you're only harm and never good ?
is that your goal ?

i hate you, spirit.
some day i'll be rid of you forever.
at least i hope to.

but you cling to this body, and it feels as if
it would have to change entirely for you to leave.

i can mimic the feelings
let out in the air.
i'll laugh at your jokes,
and grow somber through sorrow.

i'll act irrationally
when i should grow angry.

but deep within, i know
that i feel recreationally.

I love to visit
and spend time with those
that I love to love.
but as more enter the picture,
one can't help but begin to notice
what belongs,
and what doesn't.