Putting those thoughts aside is equivalent to holding them inside this chrysalis. Trapping them within along with my soul. This hurricane is trapped and it turns out it had only been dormant for the time I thought I was healing. My biggest triumph in this life will be this battle within; an invisible fight that burns like fire.

Crying is such a blessing
We underestimate the beauty of the salty rivers streaming down our cheeks
Reminding us that there's still a piece of us that wants to get better
To weep is to release the pain
To stay quiet is to hold inside what should not stay within us
I was once on the cold floor
Looking up from below
A loud silence hovered over me
And I could not weep
There was nothing to come out
it was so deep within my soul;
The blade released what has been stuck
But now I feel everything
Release everything
And now I am sure that I am healing.
These salty rivers my favorite taste
The only release, pain's escape

darling I see you in my dreams
I feel you the moment I wake
love I feel you around me
I fall apart
because you're not there anymore
if I were to be back in your arms
it wouldn't be the shelter that used to hold me together
I believe that results in my loss of hope
the beautiful flowers you once grew have been stomped on by other temptations
and I still try to pick the long gone flowers of our disintegrating love

we are destroyed by what we love the most
as I lost this love
I was pushed into a pit
I see light as I look up
all around is darkness
in the depths of this lonely shelter
my only hope is for someone to pull me out
someone like him
who wants to fix me
who isn't trying to get something out of me
the rare one who isn't trying to receive my pity
I know there is hope
that someone will truly mend my wounds
for I can see the light above
maybe it will be I
or perhaps someone who I have yet to experience

yes, i fear being touched by another person
I will look into their eyes and only see the one I truly love
When I am touched I will feel his gentleness
And when in silence I will hear his soft breaths
When I close my eyes and lean in I will only imagine the way he feels
It is inevitable that I feel this way
I feel his haunting presence in my bloodstream
When i see him I hear a beating drum in my chest
One that is uncontrollable

if this love was true,
it will find its way back to us
because it wasn't us who left each other
It was the love that left us

you came to me broken
without purpose or a hand to hold

you left me after losing that emptiness ;
fufilled from taking everything out of me and using it to fill your own brokenness.
now I'm left with nothing but a ghost of you and pain that overwhelms me

if you could see scents
The most beautiful smell would be rain on the asphalt after the first rain in a while
nature always has a way of showing us
that even after long and beautiful days of sunshine
The sky still sheds a tear
there is true beauty in the sky and the way it reflects on the way we feel
some are encouraged by the sun
but others prefer the rain
those who prefer the rain understand that darkness comes within the better days and cannot be avoided
but you can still be the light of the dark; the light shining through the clouds

In this body you will live,
In this body you will also die.

Wherever your treasure is
There your heart will be,
And also your life

Worship things that help you find yourself
And the things that won't give you regrets

Finding out who we are destined to be is a difficult mystery to unravel
But true adventure comes with life
And with adventure in life, our true colors shine

I feel a glimpse of a memory
The slightest scratch in your tone
Try and see the crevices
That I once knew like my own

All of the chills rush once more
Through every inch of me
I then wander to find your presence
& realize you're no longer mine to see

I sometimes feel at ease
Pretend to think I'm better without you
Truth is you never even realized
All of the pain I am going through

If I were to go back
There's little to no hope you'd be the same
We lost ourselves in each other
All that's left is our picture in a frame

When our love died, he became a ghost
We are not only haunted by the dead
The ones who we've lost & go on fine without you
Are the ones who make you regret and ache alone in your bed

Reaching for someone's hand who is no longer there
Reflects how painful it is to lose  a person in any form
Only faint memories are left
And heart that is forever torn

My hands are bruising from grasping my headboard
as I slowly go crazy
silent screams and waves of tears
are the result of my inner guilt and fear
I fear I will not get to be held by you
I fear I can't look into those eyes
three months ago I was your whole world
two months ago you were mine
today you are all I think about
As I slowly go crazy
pounding the feathers of my pillow
I am reminded that I know what falling in love feels like
And that I know it is the worst pain in the world to be without the one you love
And have to pretend he's just another lost aquaintance

the roughness of his hands
sawdust in his hair
the sweetness of his heart
hurt me, he wouldn't dare

my father is my safety
my first love and best friend
his sacrifices are never-ending
my wounds he will mend

driving in the empty road
underneath the little green tree
in his strong open arms
he is the only one who accepts me

and on the day when I find the one
that man better know he will always be my number 2
it is my dad who set the bar high
and made sure he led me to the right you.

dad someday,  I hope to find someone who loves me like you do

but I get to see him in my dreams ~ and that is what keeps me going

the road is endless
there are bumps through the windshield
the vastness of the plains ahead are only visible from a short distance
the road is bumpy
up and down you will go
always roll with the hills and turns
someone extraordinary will come out of each experience good or bad
don't pull over and try to force what your life will be
go with the flow, and enjoy the ride you are given

I've realized the worst pain is loving someone more than they love you
you expect them to catch you when you are falling
you fall completely
but they pull the string to their parachute and float above you
while you are still falling
and when you really fall and hit the ground alone,
That is the worst pain

If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears

It's empty in the valley of your heart

we are obsessed with finding love because we cannot love ourselves.
we are the teens who fake smiles
neither dead or alive, just ghosts with beating hearts

both lost, and won't be found
he was my compass and I was his map
my biggest fear was losing this
my direction and love
now I've witnessed this loss
-but the truth is he is gone
the one I am missing is no longer there
I am missing someone who no longer exists
something almost impossible to find again

people think we have it all when we say that we have food and a place to crash
this is not always true
Souls become sick
They are abused, neglected, and lonely
Our hurt souls make us lost inside
Our lonely minds make us crazy

love is the most amazing feeling in the entire world
love is knowing what you have when you have it
love has sacrifice
if there is no sacrifice, there is no love
love is only having eyes for one person
and never wanting to leave their side

the moment we stop questioning the meaning of life is the moment we start living.
it is scary how we hold to power to do whatever we want with our lives
sadly most of us don't know what to do
but all around we are given opportunities.
There are opportunities to be kind and opportunities to meet new people and experience anything we want to
Only a few of us truly take advantage of this
It is impossible to find out what you really want to do with this opportunity, if we don't first learn to love ourselves, accept our pasts, and love what all this pain is shaping us up to become

internal battles within our souls are what bring us to question.
We question why life comes with hardships
We question why we are put through battles that others aren't
We complain about these things, but never realize
Life is fair because it is unfair to everyone

and then I saw him.
It felt like the first time when my heart beated like a drum
just when I thought I was over him
my body proved me wrong
even when my eyes hadn't even met his yet
I know I blew my chance
I just wish my mind would stop racing when I thought of him and I didn't slowly lose my mind every single time I hear his name

your life is an empty canvas
you are the only one who's in control of the paintbrush
if your heart is heavy, you are not weak
It is you who is in control always
not the circumstances
within your painting there will be flaws
there will different shades and textures
the design will travel in all directions
as will your life
pain is inevitable
and also is your death
living with a heavy heart is simply surviving
the paint brush must be picked up
life awaits

& my biggest fear
is that one day i will mean absolutely nothing to you..
despite what we've been through together

that's when i knew i was in love
i am miserable
yet his happiness is the most important thing in the world to me

somehow i already know
my heart will never truly let go
my foolish mind will always remind me of you &
my soul will always ache for your presence ; the missing piece left behind

the willow tree once swayed
the long branches went in whichever direction it pleased
it stayed with it's roots, and what bound it to the ground was strong
until one day a man walked by
he had an ax in his hand
the man wiped the tree right from it's roots