My eyes are glazed over from all the times I have said, “I love you”.
Like a blank slate, my soul is empty.
My tongue hurts from all the times I asked, "What are we?"
Instead of just waiting and letting time tell its tale.
My body aches from grabbing my stomach and questioning, "Why can't I lose this weight!"
I'd feel so much more beautiful if it would just leave!
My shoulders crash into the couch cushions
I stare at my phone, my laptop, then my floor.
"When will he reply to me?" I wonder.
I have been waiting on a response all night long.
All day. All year. All of my life. I have been waiting.
But will I ever find peace in anything I am given?
"Why isn't anything ever enough?" I ponder.
Do I simply overlook the beauty in the things closest to me?
The way my hair curls up over my ears,
The way one of my teeth is a little crooked.
Are these the little things I have never appreciated because I have always expected someone else to appreciate them for me?
"When will I be satisfied?" I question myself in the mirror.
Then softly whisper a response,
"Never."

My voice is weak from screaming all day
She runs from me
To you she prays
A nest of blankets and pillows surround me entirely
Trying to give me the love you ripped out of me
Never again will I be the same
A lover I am no longer
Because of your name
Emotionally distraught
Filled with anger and fear
I haven't cried as many tears
As when you were here
Two years later and I'm still a mess
I broke the one person that loved me
I'm sorry for this

Dipping your feet into pools of dark chocolate may sound atrocious
But as I sink to the water's floor my lips discover your kisses
Blackened lines skewed across your skin
Make me wonder where your heart begins
As I traced the contour of your body
You quiz me with philosophical questions others find too heavy
The light bulb in my brain was dull til I met you
But I learned all it needed was a *****
Never before have I felt so alive
I haven't ever felt that drive
Sweet nothings you whisper in my soul
What truly is your goal?
Akin to your touch, in fear of denial
You can't help but stare straight into my eyeballs
The color of toads with the texture of glass
Its impossible to imagine life in the past

I tighten my jaw as if it's a *****
The bolt won't fasten to me as hard as you

A defense mechanism I have carefully crafted
Barricading the doors to prevent all passage

Into my mind there's a portal of doubt
I doubt that you could ever get out

Winding steps and stairs
Broken bones and ma mère

My brain is ruined with a surplus of trash
A car that was always destined to crash

Look me in the eyes and I'll push you away
It has become increasingly hard for people to stay

My doors are shut the curtains are closed
"Go away!" I yell, "no one is home!"

After unlocking the door,
I turn around and lock it behind me
That's just what you do
But I never found myself locking doors behind you

I'd forage new keys and open new spots
I'd find places that were filled with grand thoughts

Words I'd never share with anyone because no one knows
How my brain doesn't shut off at night
and in my heart there's only coal

There are razor blades threaded in my tongue
Each time I go to speak
I end up cutting off someone
And the ceiling cracks from the heavy weight footsteps of the creatures living above me
I am terribly conscious
And horribly aware of the things surrounding me
The crumbling pain into which the children of younger generations were born
Birthed into a dead space where we will all become deceased
But when do I find the meaning of living?
I've tried to be patient and I've tried to be calm
But my mind has a timer that ticks like a bomb
Explosive thoughts and cancerous feelings are all that patrol my mind and soul
I hope I don't live to be old

Your name tastes sweeter on my lips than his ever has
And her's is a sour taste to you

It's sort of like when red mixes with blue
It creates a sort-of lilac hue

I like to think that's you and me
We always had superior chemistry

Compared to anyone else I've ever claimed to love
You fit me like a glove

Everyone else is like a shirt that's too big or a tie that's too tight
But you always fit me just right

Although the most repulsive taste to me
Is when you speak of glee

I can brush the flavor off my tongue
By distracting myself with someone