I EAT A SUBOXONE FOR LUNCH
I THINK THAT IM GONNA THROW UP
THATS A LOVELY BUZZ AND SIDE AFFECT OF BEING FORCED TO GROW UP
I MISS BEING YOUNG IN SUMMER
ONLY TWENTY ONE & BUMMED OUT
ALWAYS SOMETHING WRONG & ITS MY FAULT I JUST KEEP FAULTING OUT
& ALL THE LOVELY LADIES THAT IVE LOVED JUST THINK IM CRAZY CUZ MY LOVE AROUND THE CLOCK THE LOVE THEY GIVE TO ME IS LAZY
& IT BREAKS ME, ALWAYS BREAKS ME, EVERY TIME IT FEELS THE SAME N IM ALIVE BUT DEAD INSIDE I GO OUTSIDE TO FEEL THE RAYS & I DISSOLVE
DONT WANNA BE INVOLVED
DESIRE TO EVOLVE I FEEL THE RAIN  & CRACK A SMILE SYMBOLS INESCAPABLE
ALWAYS FALL, FOREVER FALLEN NEVER FALLEN FOR
I PLACE FLOWERS IN THE HINGES LATCHES OF YOUR LOCKING DOOR
& I KNOW THAT THEYLL PROLLY DIE YEAH YOU WONT EVER WATER THEM
BUT I JUST FIGURED MAYBE YOU MIGHT SMILE AT THE THOUGHT OF THEM
& IF I COULD CONTROL ALL THESE EMOTIONS I COULD CALL YOU FRIEND
IM SWEPT IN THE INTENSITY DEFENSLESS & A FALLEN MAN

The me I am
The me I was
The work I do
The drugs i've done

Bring about the birds
Get them singing with us now
& bring about your worries
Don’t you let them get you down
just float it all away
Another day will come to save you
come to find you saved yourself
Oh but where do I belong
I guess in songs
I guess i’ll really never know
So I decide its best for me to let it go
& float it all away

I been thinking
I been thinking
Way
to ******* much

Why
Do I decide to struggle
When every single nerve I got is locked under a buckle
& every single word I seek to speak misses my mouth
My actions brought about by thoughts
My thoughts just seem to hang around
im screaming
in your eyes I’m lying stiff & dreaming
In my mind I try to find my eyes
Im hoping that you see me
open them to know this life of mine still has some meaning
even if these years keep piling twixt our bodies last meeting
The heart I have is beating just enough to keep this breath in me
If I could ask you’d say you havent seen me since the death of me
& now theres just whats left of me & how it can’t communicate
Enough to let you know, though what you say, I cannot rest in peace
No it is not my time
& time is ticking while my body lays
the time inside my mind
ill never find the time to explain
The world that i’m engulfed in
Hope you’ll never understand
the feels of feeling without feelings
Feels of holding without hands

I wish my drug habit was more like my writing habit
Always thinking about it
never doing it

Everyone does the same thing different
Everyone’s just the same thing different.

You’re not trying to help me
You’ll tug & pull my mind in the brittle state you kicked it in to simply get a leg up in your world
They teach you
leg down, leg up.
I say fly, learn, leg up.
**** you twisted *******
If they told you to **** the children you’d bow & slaughter,
Manipulate your mind to find some sick morality in it & begin to push it upon the prey.
The public, the prey.
Tomato, tomato.
You’re just waiting for a reason.
& here I am hustling for my sanity because my medicine can be a deficit & those afflicted are quick to share the pain.
Plug, unplugged.
Imprisoned for operating at maximum capacity.
You never got a word though,
however broken you beheld me you ******* never got a word.
You are undeserving, with my words you’ll inflict hurt
& sir my words are solely surfaced for the drowning seeking earth.

I hung out with a friend the other day
an old friend
we used to walk around a small town at night like every step was the beginning to some great adventure
we sat
we talked of all thats been going on in our lives
we smoked
we sat
we walked to his house at the desire of my mother
not necessarily to be there
but to be anywhere but here
we arrived
we sat
he stayed on his phone for what turned into an hour
"looking for something to do"
I sat
He said "I don't have anyone to hang out with"
I sat
He said "Shane, I have shane to hang out with"
I am Shane
I sat.
Now I can't decide exactly what the problem is,
am I so dreadfully boring one must rely on a circuit board escape plan to lead them to others less so
or is my friend improper company for myself
would have thought of any of this if I had a phone myself?
or would I have written it right there on the spot?
Who knows
we smoked
I walked home, alone & happy to be
though I couldn't help but notice all the pretty faces eating ice cream along the way
I tried to sing for their attention
they laughed
I smiled & walked away
atleast I made some sort of impression, eh?
my friend & I shall meet again
& no matter how it goes, I know this is the type of friend who will visit me on my deathbed, or I his.
I suppose I am just shaken by the contrast of the time spent then & the time spent now
I arrive home
I lock the door to stop the echoes of fear from flogging my mother
I sleep