I’ll rewrite my words
Hundreds,
Thousands of times.
Erasing periods
Commas and uncommon verbs
So my style will mimic yours.
I’ll speak my words
Hundreds,
Thousands of times
In a voice in my head that mimics yours
Hoping they will sound like yours
Hoping they, like yours, will
Will sit at the foot of my bed at night
And seep into my clothes the next morning
Like yours, eddy inside my ears
Hundreds,
Thousands of times.

She dragged her nails across pale skin, digging
into her flesh and relished in the the pain, curling
her fingers across punctured plains.
She bled crimson but it didn't satiate her guilt.

Where have you been with your words
that you vowed to whisper softly
until they tumbled over the moon?
Tranquil images are all I can see
in your rhymes
that sank deep into the night
too soon.

Where are the eyes that lit up my world
and filled my pockets
with dreams of a life that shines?
I am realizing now
that what I once was
you have steadily changed
as you exhaled your lines.

Is my hope a golden thought
I love because it dwells
in my emotions
becoming a journey
where I drop to my knees,
spelling out words
then wonder where they lead
into my own circumstances?

Sometimes, when I sleep,
I glide over shells,
holding the hand of life,
forming collages, I could never forget
even when I am weary and I speak
of past things I should have forgotten
over the years.

Where have you been with your words
that make me smile in knowing
I have found my safe harbor
where I can be quiet
and revel in the tranquil images
you create
in my heart and soul?

I lay down under the scorching Manila sun
It feels something like searching
for solace in discomfort.
Eyes clenched.
My body sinks into the earth.

I want to breathe.
But the air is dense here
And my every other breath
is diluted with smoke.
These lungs push into the
walls of their cage;
Eyes clenched and anxious
waiting for the day to end.

But tonight…
I will run alongside the wolf,
Follow her as she chases the moon,
Mimic her proud howls to the sky.
Tonight I will run alongside the wolf,
Follow her until I’m lost in the night
And search for her shadow in the sunrise.

Tonight
I will breathe.

i said i didn’t miss you so i wouldn’t
but you made me
listen
to things you wrote, gave, made
did it say something about love? she wonders these things aloud
it’s hard to keep them in when you’ve been thinking them so long
without even noticing.
sometimes just noise is enough to change a person

I haven’t looked in the mirror, she lied
because she was self-conscious about being more beautiful
and about changing so often.

if there is enough to go around, let’s all cry.
all of us.
if you listen hard enough beneath music, there are words
and they are talking to you.
why is it so hard to do something you don’t want to it says
questions that don’t have answers

why is it so hard to do something you do want to do?

what if I just go back?
what if I never go big – just go home
sleep in a cabin
eat fish
become something greater than myself
before I become less than I was before?

I keep trying to think of new ways to touch you
sometimes you touch me back
but often you don’t seem to notice me here
I just need you to need me back.
but I’m alone in more ways than one.

listening to you again feels good.
why did I never get through to you?
why did I never get to BE with you?
I don’t care who you were, why wouldn’t you let me see? why wouldn’t you let anyone see?

you try to forget the things that plagued you
but they have a way of coming back – me, it’s because I want them to.
I like the despair of old fears, of rekindling something dead,
of sitting by a campfire in the woods alone thinking about what you should have said to your parents before you left
or what you should do when you’re in love with more than one person
because no one plans that stuff
no one plans dying.

where are the metaphors you ask
and I tell you they are in the universe, full of color
full of something that we try to understand but have too many names for

I am going to ask you one question, and you have to promise to answer.
promise.

get lost in something
and you can start to tell the difference between you and someone else
if you feel sad, that’s okay. just stop trying to hide it
just stop trying to hide
just stop hiding

who are you?
you promised.