and i wish i knew
how to love you
back

you said-
thinking about the stars
makes me feel so small

but we sat there 'til we
were shaking in the cold,
and i had never felt
bigger.

i worry about him all
the time*
i told you and
you shook your head like
you knew all too well

eleven nights later,
you tell me to get some
sleep, you say i worry about
you all the time

and i'm starting to think
it's code for people who
are trying to say 'i love you'
to someone who doesn't
love them back

when all your scars
fade, will you pretend
you never had them
in the first place?

i turned away so i wouldn't
have to watch you leave, but
i heard your car start and
i panicked

how do i breathe without you,
how do i breathe without,
how do i breathe?

he tells me he is reaching
his breaking point
(and) he sighs,
(and) he looks away,
(and) i want to reach out to him
to touch his hand, shoulder,
knee

but i am afraid he will
shatter

your sadness is not
beautiful, but your
scars are gorgeous

they are epics across
your skin that tell the
story of how you, just like
all great heroes,
survived

you're sister said i seemed
different* and he sighs when
i tell him *not different,
just sad

there is a small silence as he
loads up his truck, and when he is
not looking, i say

*but i guess, for you, that means
different

when i was a kid, i pretended i could
breathe underwater so that if i was
ever caught in a wave for too long
i wouldn't panic- but now my hands are
shaking and i can feel my lungs getting tight
and my ear drums are starting to pound, and
these ceilings are
crushing
me.

i don't need photos to
remember you;
you are burned
onto my
heart