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 Nov 2013 Molly Hughes
Saloni
You tell me I am pretty, that I am beautiful,
And if you are trying to be playful you even call me hot,
But I know, mother, I know who I am,
Those things that you tell me I definitely know I am not.

I don’t know myself, I don’t know what I can do,
For I have strength to do anything, to touch the sky,
You tell me all these things, mother, you tell me “I ‘m proud of you.”
But I know what I have done. I know what I have not. What is it that makes you proud?

                        Why can’t you understand, love? Why wouldn’t you believe?
                        For how long would you hate yourself for what you are not?
                        Skinnier, smarter, more beautiful, & other things that have you deceived,
                        Why can’t you see what you have?  Why would you wish for everything you are not?

                        I know you think I just say things to soothe you, to make you feel better.
                       What others say to you is truer than whatever I have, to say..
                       But they don’t know you the way I do, love! How can you blindly believe?
                           Don’t let your world fall apart, for the reasons which aren’t real,
                                   Don’t curse your fate for the things you need not have,
                                      Don’t let their words hurt more than it already has,
                                           And whenever you will lend me your ear,
                                              You will find me whispering in them,
                                                  That You are beautiful already,
                                                      That You make me proud.
                                                          That I mean it, love.
                                                              I’ve meant it,
                                                                 Always.
I live in a world
            full of people with your name
but not the way you articulate the consonants
            or the way your eyes dare
listeners to
            contradict your intricate intonation.

                      correction

I live in a world
           full of people who think they can have your name
without having your soul.
little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.
I want you to eat me
until you are sick.
I'm not poison,
But too much of anything
Will **** you, in the end.
Have you ever had a poet
**** softly at your lips
Then say bye?
I have. It hurt so sweetly.
And it was the first time,
that kiss, that Christmas.

You and she were walking
just behind the other members
of the church choir, carol singing,
the parson, conducting the members,
he in overcoat, hat on, scarf
against the cold, the evening air.

And she said, softly, so only
you could hear, softer than
the snow that threatened to fall,
I think I love you.

You, looking at her there,
standing inches away,
her breath high-lighted
in the light of moon
and the houses near by,
said, I love you, too.  

Words, spread, as if
on free rein, like little children
off on some adventure,
some new game,
came quick and fast.

Then, she leaned in,
and kissed your lips,
pressed them so gently
on yours. So gently
that it seemed they met
yet seemed not to
in same breath.

You embraced her,
arms about her,
drawing her nearer,
her body, into yours,
warmth and warmth,
like two planets colliding,
not in crash, but as if
merged, entwined, as if one.

The sound of some carol
being sang breathed
on the air, floated there,
held in balance
by the gentle wind.

You and she parted lips
and bodies, but held hands,
a new love had been born,
a new fire started, feeling
erupted along the strings
of nerves, set mind on fire
with a new, unknown, never
before experienced,
out of this world desire.
You are not worth
The spit in my mouth or the **** on my shoe.
You are not worth
What I gave you of me,
And you're certainly not worth
What you never got to have.
You are not worthy of her, or me, or him,
Or any of these angry, bewildered poems,
So why am I writing them?
Why am I feeling this?
Why am I investing you
With more power and importance than you have?
It took me 18 months
Of unanswered phone calls
And careful avoidance
To get over you

It took me 18 seconds
Of staring at your smile
To realize
That I never got over you
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