She wants to whisper secrets into his ear late at night
and tell him that if beauty was measured in inches
he’d go on for miles and miles

She would tell him that it’s okay to be bad sometimes
a certain darkness is needed to see the stars
she would whisper
and you can’t shine bright unless there’s
darkness too

She would tell him not to waste his words
and exhaust his mind thinking of someone that
doesn’t see the whole ocean in his eyes

If she could sleep a night by his side
she would tell him that he’s most lovely at night
when he’s scared and lonely
when nothing seems real but the darkness
outside his window

She would lift his sleeves and count his scars
to see how many times he needed her
how many times she wasn’t there

She would kiss him softly and whisper
that she will never let him hurt  
again

I regret when I write romantically
It catches me off balance,
And, upon looking back,
I catch myself feeling disdain
For a me that was far too feeling than stoic
For a me who couldn’t see the future for what it could be
For a me who was caught up living in the moment
And not watching for the downward spiral

That being said,
I’m imagining a life with you
But I hardly know you yet
If at all.

dear Annabelle,

I told you one day:

"look in the mirror
and tell me what you see."

your face was a mask of sadness
and you cringed as you faced your worst enemy-
yourself.

"I'm a monster."

that's what you whispered.
you were glaring at yourself,
with hate,
pure hate.

I looked at you,
the same girl you called a monster.
and I saw the most beautiful,
breathtaking person in the world.
Annabelle, I just didn't get it.

"you're wrong."

I told you.
I was sure,
that you were just insecure.
after all, how does such a perfect,
gorgeous girl have that horrible
of a view of herself?

turns out you had an eating disorder,
called anorexia nervosa.
but it was so much more than
a desire to lose weight.
you wanted to lose yourself.

after that day,
you just got worse and worse.
your world was sinking,
e v e r  s o  s l o w l y.

I wanted to make you feel batter,
but your demons were in control by then.
and Annabelle, I made you worse.

you starved and cut yourself to death,
and no one could help you.
I should've been there more,
for the girl I loved.

but I let you slip
right from my fingers.
how did I do that?

but I just want you to know,
that your view of yourself was tainted,
and you, radiant Annabelle Simons
weren't saying that,
your demons were.

you were never ugly,
or fat,
or utterly repulsive.

you were naturally beautiful,
in every way.
your smile shined,
as you flipped your midnight hair.
your personality was even brighter.
until the day you decided you weren't good enough
for yourself.

love yourself,
because you're all you have.
hug your flaws,
adore the imperfections.
never try to change who you are
because no matter what you say,
you're good enough.
you always were.

so don't look for acceptance.
it's such an abstract term.
the best thing you can do,
is just look in that mirror,
and give yourself:

A Smile.


love, D.