as the last drop of you thins in my veins,
I find I’ve forgotten how to hold a pencil
don’t remember the syntax of a sentence
this page would be better used for kindling
can’t write a poem with a pen that’s been emptied of its passion

no more nights of tangled limbs and cool-air conversation
no more days of light laughter, shy smiles, and a flower
growing in my gut -  you made a garden out of me

dipped your paintbrush in my pigments
the portrait you painted I hung in front of my mirror
for you made me the man I’d always wanted to be

that portrait still hangs in its place
I’m too afraid to see what now lies behind

no longer star-light bright
my eyes reflect ghost ship lanterns
fading in a sea of memory

I sink, wishing time would turn back
or at least hurry forward -
just stop standing so still.

I sit, waiting until I’m struck again
but knowing hope is no course of action.

As I lay in the bedroom,
My own personal confinement'
in which I oh so willingly created for myself,
I feel myself on fire,
My hands shaking out of utter frustration,
fighting every tear welling up in my eyes with all that I have left of my sense of mind,
But for what reason?
to be strong,
to reassure myself,
I ask myself what use is it to be strong if your utterly alone,
With no one to care weather your strong or not,
So I let go,
but just for a moment,
I allow myself to remember the pain,
the memories I locked away,
hoping someday they would cease to exist,
The troubling feelings that twist my heart and bring me to my knee's
letting out slow puffs of breath I calm my emotions,
wipe the water from my eye's ,
clear the tortured expression that once lay on my face,
I leave the moment and enter back into the world I made myself believe in,
I pretend to be strong.

train lines scar them,
the trees decorate them,
slip a red watch around your wrist to hide them
in the commuter rush,
the office dash,
to wet-sidewalk-up-leg rain splash;
she's lost in the swell of New York City
with red wrists, a scissor's nettle rash,
and she'll sleep alone tonight.

The sun is setting earlier than it did yesterday,
and you look nicer than you did yesterday,
and I think I love you more than I did yesterday,
and I'm having more doubts than I did yesterday.

there was a boy, with a name like a superhero
and hair like the ocean
i think he knew he was special,
from the way he dressed to how he didn't give half a ****,
he knew he wasn't like the rest of us
he's out of this world,
alienated, quick, loud
he was floating on clouds
and he never came down.
don't ask me if i loved him,
because i didn't.
don't ask me if i thought he was perfect,
because you know i did.
and his eyes are deep as the sea,
begging me to come out to shore, come out to play
in the depths of the waters
and i stared into his eyes in the middle of the crowds
and watched the tears appear in his eyes
and disappear just as quickly, because he can cry on demand.
his brother is gay and his father is on the board
and his hugs make me feel warm.
i know this boy
and he colors outside of the lines
and he breaks the crayon in half,
and finds another way to express himself.