People don't think of it as a problem.
Because I never knew him.
But somehow this is one of the biggest.....the worst..problems.
I may have never met him.
Yet he has one of the greatest impacts in my life.
Since..before day 1, he declined me.
He never even accepted my existence.
And here I am.
Suffering through it.
Suffering from the pain brought into my life since before it was official.
And yet I can't....I won't...will never let anyone know what I feel.
And how is it that these obvious and painful feelings are so, so easy to hide behind a fake smile, fake laugh, and fake feelings.
Such bad acting that people can't notice how fake....stupid....idiotic...and just plain out hurt I feel.
And no.
This isn't a poem.
Nor is it a suicide letter.
This is me expressing my feelings to you...who I don't even know.
Because you don't know me.
And maybe you do.....
But you wouldn't even realize how I feel, and what really goes in in my head.

question your sanity
as often as you question your insanity
for everyone is sane
as well as insane
for all those who are sane are just a wee bit insane
and all those who are insane are also sane.
and this way
maybe
just
maybe
you wont go insane

listen to this loud silence
wipe my hidden tears
notice when my smile is fake
when I want to cry, but I can't because the tears will make it hurt even more
notice my reality and the abundance of tears that no one has ever realized I own
how I'm breaking inside
little by little it's just getting worse
and how I'm scared for the worst

look at me
just do it
you see what you want to see
you hear what you want to hear
there is so much more that I never really hid
it's so obvious
but you don't see
you don't see what I want you to see
what I really want you to see
open your eyes
open your mind
and see me