How treacherous are the days where all my insides fall out of my ears.
I forgot I had all those clogged arteries against my heart
Wrapping around the beating vessel like an umbilical cord around an infants head
Heavenly when it stops beating

Humans: the mess that is my bedroom floor and ***** clothes
Humans: the awe of a full moon and ability to create wonderful things

i can not get across to you
how happy i am without you
im happy to not see you
when i wake up
im elated
im ecstatic
to finally be free
im saving myself
and this is rare
im loving myself
and this is a new concept
the only negatives in my life
are when my plants start to die
and when my grass gets too high
theres no place for you

I'm in love with your high eyes
Droopy and red
Watery and filled with daze
I'm in love with the smoke you blow
In my mouth
I'm in love with the way you caress me
I love the smell
The taste
The burn
I'm in love with the way
You say you love me
When you're high

I belly flopped into a pool of things
I didn't want to happen
but the water rushed up and my stomach caved in I feel
Stinging
the sting of pictures and words I remember
I didn't want to feel
Them
I'm overwhelmed now with the thing I did not want to take place
but I knew it would
Anyways

You always said 8 months
I miss you at night
Seeing you again will probably make me
Cry

How naive of me
How childish how illogical
Of me to think
You could love
And I could grow
My memories froze and I am stuck
In the past in the deep past
The sadness entrapped
It does not go away

I hear blood in the form of words
You cut me and scrape scratch slice
Me
'I regret you'
I'm the person you dread
'I wish I never met you'
But you know if you never did
You wouldn't be addicted
You would have substance to your life
But you need hurt
You need violence
And you need need need
Attention
Just like me
Poison for each other
But it's prescribed

Pictures may be
Worth a thousand words
But
These words can be
Misinterpreted
Misunderstood
Why use a picture
When so many things
Go flying through my head
Even if you aren't
Looking my way

Just come
Out

And

Say

It

Your breathing chest is my pillow
I felt the muscles tense as you smiled
Stroked my head and my cheek

You're gone because I kicked you out I feel empowered knowing this and knowing that you will not touch me again and knowing that I don't have to fear *** because you won't be pushing something down my throat
I feel so good

late at night i feel like **** and i dont have that person to express to i dont have that person who wont judge but just listen i feel like im sinking into an early grave

I wonder why I blow up in your car and you pat my leg and tell me things will be okay but I don't believe you

Will I ever be good enough?
Will anyone ever be good enough for me?
If I find you in the wrong time
Please come back to me

I **** him but I still see you

I miss you again tonight and I want to ask how you are but it'll hurt you and it'll hurt me and I remember that I told you I don't love you anymore and something left your voice in the long pause but something left and I wanted to take back what I said but then I'd be faking it

I thought this was over why is it happening
Again?
I was happy and I thought I was healed
Why is this sneaking up on me in the shower
Why does it feel like my mind doesn't turn on until late at night?

I am tired of finding joy in other people

I don't know why I gave up writing
I'm okay now

This season makes me sad and I'm only on 25 milligrams. If I don't get away soon history will repeat itself

You step into the suns rays
Skin blooms roses and pretty lillys
Make up your hair
Your body is the most beautiful hill
Eyes turn into moon and stars
Lips are the birds who sing sweetly
Your soul is paradise

I'm wallowing
In my robe and in my sadness
I'm naked in a towel
Dripping hair dripping
Sadness
The dirt circling the drain
Doesn't go away
I'm wallowing in
My dirt
In a clean space
I wallow in
Sadness

I don't know how to feel about what you did. You ****** my ex but you're supposed to be my best friend.

Everything is a spiral
Straining my eyes

This is the first day in a while
That I have not had the haze
Clouds fill my mouth
Scents stain my fingertips
I don't want to be sober

i thought a lot of things about you
i thought we would never get to this point
but we did
i dont know how i feel
i have been pretty vacant

someone dies when someone falls in love
someone dies when someones being born
someone lives when someone else is just existing

I scream every night and no sound comes out
I didn’t know my body could produce so many tears

all i do is get drunk and high because im lonely but i dont want you or you or you or any of you.

We broke as quickly as
Someone cutting a thin rope
I can't call you mine anymore
But I'm okay
(For now, at least)

Being ****** all day has its positives
Time goes by so slow
I melt in the couch and forget all
My problems
Not my problems
Just forget
But then lonely
Lonely
I am bored I am
Lonely

Mouth gets watery
Cheeks tense up
Eyes get warm
I'm crying

I'll remember your cheeks
And how you throw your head back
Consumed in a bubble of laughter

It felt good to finally give in

I miss how things used to be and it hurts knowing they will never be like that again

you said you didn't want
to kiss me
because my lips were
too red
little did you know
that they were stained
with blood
i bit them too hard
when i saw you
with her

10:28 I’m in bed the feeling hits every night around this time
I haven’t written
I forgot what words are
Seasonal depression is ******* dumb

We walk along a muddy trail
Of memories
you're footsteps
Make flowers grow where there
Is only dirt.

Today I hope you smiled like how you did that one time where I kissed you unexpectedly in the movie theater and you didn't frown for days

Sleep with a journal besides my bed
In case you sneak into my dreams
Sparking up memories
I have to jot them down
Or I'll soon forget
What you sounded like