You're not a friend
who was certain I'd never be there
I didn't have a friend
to cry on my shoulder
I had a monotone, crackling wall for company
I was plastered to the wall
I believed it as eternity

I planned my escape:
How can I pull away?
but you, the wall, stood fast
You rejected my blood and tears
as I tried to saw my hand off to escape

You hated me
And as I shook your plaster off,
pulling away from you,
I found a tar fence
barbed wire
sticky teeth

You hated me
How I knew a few things that you didn't
But how you clung to me!
So tight that it became your revenge

You froze and became a block of ice
You hated me so much that you would release me
with a quick slide and slip I was free
but it was the most cold, painful freedom I had ever felt
I couldn't even return your rope
without slipping and falling

Now I can see through you
I can see the other rooms
I can see the people, the places, the world

With you I was bound and blind

But tonight I'll pass you by
And maybe, if I'm dreadfully unlucky, I will taste that frozen tar
and *****

Each gesture was an insult

The results are in
I couldn't resist
I had to find my future
So I opened the box
and had a little fun
All I ever wanted
was the narwhal and the walrus

I dusted it off
the plastic green box
from my days of innocence
full of tiny noble animals
from every kingdom
So precious to me
I couldn't ever give it away

I dusted them off
and put them in couples
everything in pairs
everyone in pairs
Just like our world
And I wanted the walrus
but what choice did I have?
So I added some consolation prizes...

I'm bound to get one of them
The Walrus who slouches
The Ant who never listens
The Turtle who talks to himself
The Whale with the deformity
The Praying Mantis (too religious!)
The T-Rex with the family situation
Or at least the Shark who seems a little gay
I entered with seven ballots

So I paired the world off
the animal kingdom
inter species was the point
but it couldn't work
I got the seal
Probably beautiful
but not who I want
Dissapointment ruled me
And I had to know what happened
Maybe I just wanted power?
Well they all found other species
Probably forgot about me
even the Walrus
he got an old Elephant

The feeling was dangerous
nostalgic
but all I ever wanted
was the Walrus and the Narwhal

Your voice was so cold
when I told you
Different, inhuman
I never experienced that
I guess I thought telling you
would change you
into a superhero
who would save the damsel in distress
The girl who lost her mother

Pitch black
But my eyes had adapted
I knew from the start
you were a ******
But I've become blind lately
It was just like
Just like you were
Talking to a patient in a hospital
at night
As if you were about to **** her
Maybe you're a vulture

But I don't think you feed on that meat
It was just so fake
And I regretted it
Thinking I could trust you
You don't care
I guess
Why would you?

I want to know
how you work
How you've become this
but it's too late
I leave tomorrow at eleven
No time
No time to even give you a chance

And we both say "you" so much
Me because I loved you
You because you wanted to lead me on

I guess that's all it ever was
just trying to catch a fish
And every time you asked me about school
it was just to know your fckng deadline

I still hope it isn't true
I pray for flowers or nice words
But I know deep down
nothing will happen tomorrow
Time will tell
Just prove it to me

Maybe I have to cry
I was really hoping not
But the way things are going
it probably won't take much

I loved you
It seemed you were the only one
who noticed my glasses or my hair
No boy ever could before
Now I know why your act was so important
Or do I?
What's in it for you?
I'll never know

And I still hope it isn't true
I wish for flowers or nice words from you
But I can tell you're bored stiff
You know all the tricks
and you just want the loot
you'd rather stare at my flat chest
And daydream until I'm through

Mom would never approve of you

Like a holiday in a person
The ultimate diplomat
Gilded with tweed
Won the Euclid and the Fermat
Child prodigy
And a perfect gentleman
A perfect gentleman

You were Atlantis
when I first met you
I was so terrified
that I couldn't impress you
You were so perfect
So beautiful
You smelled like flowers

Had to know what the smell was
What flower?
Where are you from?
What are you?  Who are you?
A breath of fresh air?
An angel, a fairy?
A devil, a liar?

You packed up your Viper's tongue
Your lyre
Your childish analogies
It seems you have a taste for
skinny pale intellectuals
with unusual but not improbable hair colours
And now you're in Florence

Did I scare you away?

Today is my last day
I having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
No one will see this
Who would know where I stole this snippet from?
Very vague
But I don't care
I have to write this poem
I don't know if it's a song yet

I stared blankly at the screen
for a couple minutes
What the hell does he mean?
Is it the last day... forever?
But maybe it's the last day
and then he has a big vacation
recovers from that back injury

Today is my last day
I am having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
Drugged up like the guy
who went to Vegas
How could you understand me?

But that woman said she missed working with him
Does that mean he's gone?
Does that mean he's leaving?
Leaving me?
How could he?
My heart is crumbling
I wish this was a bad dream

I used to long for Today
Today is the last day
I am having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
I'm sure it has nothing
nothing, nothing to do with me

Feeling hollow inside
I have to stop caring
about that nerd
with hidden depths
hidden depths
he's a puzzle
I'll never finish
never finish

Today is my last day
I am having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
When there is none
And I'll miss you (you don't miss me)
I'll miss you (you can't miss me)
I'll miss you (you never kissed me)
I missed you (you never missed me)
I guess I missed you
You never missed me
You never missed me
Have a good one

She always sits in front of me
Face full of zits
Frizzy tight curls
Tacky clothes
Thin as a pencil  
You're so greasy
You're pizza
You're macaroni and cheese
  
Why are all the girls in this choir so hideous?
I get sick to my stomach
when I look at you
you are the smell of sickening sweet
an arts major
insecure
fishing for notes
following the leader
  
And worst of all
you're blocking my view of him
You negate the bliss I feel when I see his face
He's looking at me now
But you can't let him see me
I think he loves me
But you're blocking his view
  
Who else would he want in this section?
And then I glance behind me
  
Big ***** girl
Blond greasy hair
Bangles
Eighties chic
Blue eyes
Brown coat
*******
Red pouting lips
She's not ugly
But by logic she should be
  
And I realize I'm a fool
It's her
He can't stop looking at her
  
I'm getting annoyed
He can't control his head
Always turned to my corner of the room
What does she think of this?
  
But she's gone
I won't see her until tomorrow
Was he looking at someone else?
At me?
I ponder the mystery
Leaving choir and the pizza-faced girl
with a smirk on my face
  
Maybe I'm not an ugly choir girl

Slowly unravelling

I'm a useless mess
Under duress
So spoiled
I aimed so high
When I deserved so little
So spoiled

I aimed too high
I'm not good enough for a stable job
Or even peanuts
Unless it is Wal-Mart

All her passive-aggressive talk
I'm not organized enough
When half of it wasn't even my fault
It was the last straw

I need to see a shrink
Or I won't be able to blink
Ever again

She sawed me in half
And I stood there unable to control my tears

It's so hard to cry in public places
Come to think of it even my room is a public place
One little noise that could only mean one thing
And you're finished
Soaked in false affection that makes one feel so guilty
And like such an awful human being

I don't know how to reach out
I don't know how to do anything
Except be the happy child I used to be
I'm not ready to grow up!

I don't know how to make money
Especially not in a respectable way
Society has so many rules
And if you don't follow them you're an outcast

And as fun as that sounds
It really isn't

People say I take myself too seriously
But is it really that funny to see yourself,
a girl with a four-year university degree,
Standing at the check-out counter?
Wouldn't it just be better to **** yourself
than to go through that?

I don't even know how to be a student anymore
I've run out of reasons to even try

I feel like I will explode
I need that warm room with leather sofas
And pens and pads
Where I can scream, cry as hard as I want
As long as I trust
Trust that I will get a nice, big, comforting label
And a cute little jug of pills
Tell them everything
Absolutely everything
Things I wouldn't even put in a poem
that no one will ever see
The things that I lock away
That eat at me, begging to come out
Until I am the rotted core of what used to be a person

Why can't I trust?
No matter where I go there is no one to help me
I am nothing but an annoying little *****
Let it out
Let it out

Please Reason, Science, Mother Nature, God!
I wish things would get better