Beauty was bestowed upon me / A golden
Crown of self loathing / Replaced
By a thorny wraith / Unforgiving
Self worth / Slipping
Cutting clean / Through my ears
The ruby / Sensitive
Gum / The welling of red
On cracked lips / The raw
Pink inside of my cheek / The slight
Glisten of fever / Eyes / Forehead
The nape of my neck / Swirls
Of sheets / Alternating / Crisp and damp
Sunsets and shadows / Cast
Ant parades / Majestic
In their toil / Finding myself
Beauty in the very hight / Of senses
The senseless sun / Mine
For the taking / To use
For my own needs / Of the
Contrasting and blending/ Of
The human consciousness / Of
Beauty and pain.

It was the kind of night
That if you just stay long enough
Something miraculous will happen.

I was the kind of girl
Who always left too soon.

But that night, you,
Miraculously human,
Begged me stay.

You were my three year old
My own little clingy kid
Hanging onto the edge of my skirt while I was on the phone.

But that night was one
Were the phone call was not
More important than you.

And so I stayed

Humanly miraculous

Sane

Close by.

I paint my fingernails
A fresh coat of polish
I cannot afford a construction
Cannot, in this state
Fix my life
So I repaint myself
The tips of my fingers
Now a lavish turquoise
In hopes that by alienating my fingers
I will be able to alienate myself
From myself.

Pulling
                                                               Has become second nature
                                                   Pulling at strings
                                       To make the beings around me
                                Do as I will

                            Gentle
                          Barely felt tugs
                       At the cords of existance

              Pulling you closer
           A hand
          A hug
      Your shoulder against mine
   Sitting on the bus
Talking on a bench

Feeling you close

Knowing you're there

     The doors here
        I tell you
           Refuse to be pulled

                I must place my hands firmly
                   And tilt
                       My weight against them
                           Against my promise
                              To never again

                                                                  Push away.

Once upon a time
in a land
far far away and

only now do I understand
the recursion, you feel
more then just far.

In familiar locations
Lacking only you
I sit and slowly forget.

My room is scattered
With PaperCutPotentials
My skin is splitting
Just as the thought
The never ending battle
Of the sword and the pen
The ongoing struggle
For shelf space
The books suffocate
My own space and I
Am never alone
Words trailing me
Like ****** fingerprints
Everywhere I go
Leaving clues
For my feeble existence
Until the pen loses
And I all on my sword.