Come into our sea of hope

A little comfort to help you cope

If you think you cannot swim

We'll hold your hands and guide you in

No hate no pain no judgement here

Just helpful skill to calm your fear

And if you happen to shed a tear

To us your pain is crystal clear

You cannot drown in our sea of hope

We all reach out untill you float

Occasionally you may yourself capsize

And feel all troubled and lost inside

That is when yourll find our anchor

We will keep you grounded safe inside

Until you live and dont need to hide

After the silence always here at your side

So awaken let go learn to glide

Fallen Angel

Named Elisabeth my angel child
My flower that didn't bloom
The stars took you before
I had the chance to hold you
Please forgive me i didn't know
I had no choice but let you go
My morning star
My misty blue
Cant say goodbye
I miss you

So afraid to be alone to scared to leap the new unknown
Scared to stand to stand alone
Its always here when I'm alone
I'm so afraid I cannot tell
I'm living in this secret hell
I try to turn to fight the fear
But I'm afraid they're always near
I need a hand but Im alone
so cold in here so far from home
I wish for you to pull me out
make it go just get them out
Then I can walk in sun and rain
Never hide from shadows again
I cannot do it on my own
I tried so hard but I'm losing time
I'm so afraid I cannot swim
Its just no use he won't give in
He just wont leave he will not go
I'm not  allowed  to be free let go
I tried so hard this time I know
But it just gets stronger its twists
It claws at every inch of me
Until i stop reaching for me
I wish you could just set me free
Just take away the pain
Just take away the pain
Just cover me with sin or rain
So they no longer see me
So i can run away get away hide away
So they cant hurt me again

Its easy to say let go
To just be free to just let go
For years i tried to stop the pain
The cold the ice the frozen rain
I'm trying now but there's no use
It just grabs hold so hard to lose
I wish I knew what I could do
I just need someone to pull me through
I try to part but it just claws me back
My heart is screaming out the rain
I'm lying here in storm all grey
The doors are closing stairs they fade
Cant push the mist the storm breaks through
Crashing waves and heavy seas
Just hold my hand
Just let me breathe
I don't know where to turn this night
All the fear be still the fright
If I let go i know ill fall
Straight back to the hell
Straight back to the storm
A part of me so brave so true
Not afraid of dark or ill
Just hold on for another day
See what hope sends your way
Just dont give in
Just stay strong tall
Don't leave to fight
Where u before

I cry alone the cuts so deep
I cannot rest i cannot sleep
I try so hard to break away
To stand so strong
But its like a wall is all around
My voice is screaming out with pain
Yet not a single sound is heard
It like im not even here at all
The colours in streams are reflecting the storm
I tried so hard to break away from dawn
Yet the stronger my light
The darker the sea
Don't understand
Why I cant be free
I get so far then bang the
Lightning strikes
The rocks i built up fall into the sea
The force of the waves
They crush inside me
Until I'm drowning in my own fear
Please take my hand
Get the hell out of here
This time its harder i cant walk away because
Its here where ill stay
I need to stay where i chose to be
Its the fear that should leave not me
As it doesnt matter where i swim its the fear inside that pulls me in
Fear that ill be left behind
Alone in the dark
Where no one will find
The door is locked there's no escape
I cannot breathe i cannot wake
God knows iv tried  for he was there
Yet no one came only evil once more
There's no one here no one came
No one pulled me out again
Just keep on swimming
One day ill find
A way out of this hell not left behind

So now you see new sky above  
Sunshine yellow full of love
A smile between small clouds you've seen  
Soar above don't spiral down
Know you are loved you cannot drown
In between the words you speak
Tears like rivers flow some deep
Believe the love inside your strong
Just hold on tight you do belong
Beneath is now warm air its light
And dreams are much less of fear at night
Only push the shadows aside
Inside a child smiling waits
Dances for the open gates
Opens up the world outside
No more tied your sadness strings
Inside you found where love begins
Learn to fly your angels wings

I made a mistake of reaching out

Why did i dare to write it out

She doesn't look me in the eye

He thinks i'm just a stirring lie

Why did i think you'd understand

They walked away did not stand

So now ill go back into the dark

No message read no one to send

Its different now to far the dive

Cant run away can not hide

Just frozen waters once again

Broken suppressed by childish fear

How can you see into my eyes

Like doorways to my soul

I lead you to the deepest fear

Hoping you'd pull me from the numb

Spirit sleeping deep within my soul

And lead me home wake me from myself

Save me from the darkness that drags me in

Each time in tears i wake from the night terrors before dawn

Hoping some one would hold me through the storm
I tried to speak to let you in
To help u see i sorry

I feel so shaky i feel so hot
Its so so dark inside
A gripping knot that twists and turns
Inside my body the pain it burns
I cannot breath there is no air
A crushing pain i cant compare
I try to breath but theres no air like im drowning but no water there
Im so afraid i try to stand to reach for you to hold my hand
But if i do the shadows will come
I can not speak only be numb
Then ill be fine and ill be safe
No one can touch me if im not awake

I try so hard to understand the pictures in my mind
I try so very hard to see what I once left behind
I walk the line in narrow streets
Heavy walls close in on me
I try so hard to do things right
To live a day to sleep a night
My bodies tired my mind is fast
Full of scared an angry past
Full of pain and dread and fear
Wanting to get out of here
I don't know how to make it stop
The feelings of fear the churning knots
the deepest cut inside my soul the angry words
the masks at windows starring in
The sound of footprints closing in
The fear of being dragged within
The fear this time of giving in
Of standing there letting it in
No longer able to fight the din
Clawing at the bridge of rope another door another room
Another evil to consume
Another evil to endure
Same sounds of shadows pass
Same feel of cold and draft
Then the smell like tar pitch black like cariasote you paint a fence
Then darkness and silence your only friend
You wake your body bones an skin crawling flesh that burns within
You shake like snow has fallen hard
So cold so tired and leg bones pull and twist so sharp
My jaw it aches my ears too ringing silence rips you through
Storms over but no escape
Nightmares gone but you never wake
Instead beneath the ice you swim
Always silent closed within
afraid to speak to let it in
Just swim and swim don't scream  don't ever ever let it in

I try so hard to reach within
But darker waters close me in
I try so hard to stop the fall
I try so hard to see it all
It doesn't matter I can not reach
I want to trust you I want to speak
So afraid to say it all
So afraid to let you in
I cannot see what lies within

I just don't know how to free my self
The loss the fear  the empty speech
I want to scream I want to shout
My tears are glass reflect the light
Hiding shadows of the night
I feel I failed myself again
Just don't know how to grasp the pain

The shadows running wild inside my mind
The truth inside me hard to find
Its late the night is closing in
Where do I go where to begin
I dance the tune of evils crime
Yet cannot find the words or time
Is it too late to reach again try to tell of one's true pain

The fear of letting go
I know it's fear of the unknown
Seeing if I walk alone
Although you gone
In steps I move
I'm afraid I have to choose
Be be alone again I dread
No one there to hold the thread
So afraid I'll fall again
I'm falling now and it not yet dead
Added to the the endless sleep
Scared of what may lie beneath
I know it's fear that holds me back
There's no way out
And no way back
What happens when the curtain falls
No one to find no one to call
I'm so afraid to be alone
I'm so afraid to be alone
X

My child within.
Although you cannot see me you know I'm always here
I'll listen to yours words your stories and your fear
I'll wipe away your tears
I'll wrap my arms around you tight
I'll understand your fears
If the shadows come and swamp you
You know I'm always here
If the fears they still harm you
I'll keep the darkness clear
Although I cannot stop our pain inside our hearts I'm near
I can always hold you let you know
That when the memories creap in
And I cannot clear your mind ill take away the darkness and tommorrow your'll be fine
I'll make dam sure the past won't be the last of you
From now we will go on
Held together with our hearts and new memories we will build together
No matter where we are
I'll love and comfort you
I'll hold your hand so tight
So even in your darkest dreams I'll get you through the night
Just hold on till tomorrow
I promise a new day
Forget the pain and sorrow
We'll let it fade away.

Please let me sleep.

Sometimes I lie awake at night
The shadows they creep in
I sometime close my eyes so tight
Don't want the darkness in
I'm so afraid to cry a tear
Scared to let you know
That deep inside my darkest fear
There's no where I can go
Some times I run just get away
The storm it closes in
So heavy on my chest it beats
The sound that hides within
I go into the darkest place so no one sees within
I cry so much of shame and scream so loud I can not hear
I need someone to hold me tight
To stop me running through the night
I'm afraid that if I'm left alone
I'll run into a burning light
I'm so afraid so deep the shame
I feel ill never breathe again
I feel so sick my stomach tight
Dear god please get me through the night
Just another 20 feet the feelings pass please let me sleep
Please let me sleep

I try so hard to understand the pictures in my mind
I try so very hard to see what I once left behind
I walk the line in narrow streets
Heavy walls close in on me
I try so hard to do things right
To live a day to sleep a night
My bodies tired my mind is fast
Full of scared an angry past
Full of pain and dread and fear
Wanting to get out of here
I don't know how to make it stop
The feelings of fear the churning knots
the deepest cut inside my soul the angry words
the masks at windows starring in
The sound of footprints closing in
The fear of being dragged within
The fear this time of giving in
Of standing there letting it in
No longer able to fight the din
Clawing at the bridge of rope another door another room
Another evil to consume
Another evil to endure
Same sounds of shadows pass
Same feel of cold and draft
Then the smell like tar pitch black like cariasote you paint a fence
Then darkness and silence your only friend
You wake your body bones an skin crawling flesh that burns within
You shake like snow has fallen hard
So cold so tired and leg bones pull and twist so sharp
My jaw it aches my ears too ringing silence rips you through
Storms over but no escape
Nightmares gone but you never wake
Instead beneath the ice you swim
Always silent closed within
afraid to speak to let it in
Just swim and swim don't scream  don't ever ever let it in

Our Bridge.


Into darkness once again but now it's different 

Because I've learnt to fall a little way

See a little of what went before but never be dragged with in its claw

As now a bridge I see is there it's wobbly yes but still secure

It's made of rope, it swings and rocks 

Even if  I let go it holds me firm

So I can see what lies beneath 

But never again will I fall so deep

For now I choose if I let go 

You see I built a bridge I know

I'm still aware of the void beneath, the loss , the pain, the endless sleep, the fear

But now i can choose to look I can choose to see or even feel

But never again can I fall in

You see

 as I built a bridge for my child within

She cannot live in fear now 

She has my love tied in its secure enough to hold us both 

Entwined together our bridge

Is love

Yes the void is deep and dark 

But the fear has gone now the bridge is there it's so strong it can not break 

You see its made from strength I found one day 

It was buried inside too scared to try to scared to climb

But as an adult I entwined it with love it grew

Now my child has the strength to climb 

She is with me now safe and dry 

She does not need to hide or cry or remember the fear

She only has to walk along side me holding my hand ever so tightly 

The love I have for her is the bridge that can never break it's strong and yet it can swing so we still get to have childish fun 

it has beautiful flowers it has strong arms it can lift us up so high 

It's our bridge so high above 

Above the fall 

The past is left the pain has gone

The fear is dropped into the void as its to heavy for our bridge 

but the happy memories fly with us above 

All we have to do is walk along our bridge.

Yes this time it's different I can only look over and down but I cannot fall now as fear has gone and our love is one me and my little girl 

Our bridge

By Fallen Angel 

19th February 2016