So afraid to be alone to scared to leap the new unknown
Scared to stand to stand alone
Its always here when I'm alone
I'm so afraid I cannot tell
I'm living in this secret hell
I try to turn to fight the fear
But I'm afraid they're always near
I need a hand but Im alone
so cold in here so far from home
I wish for you to pull me out
make it go just get them out
Then I can walk in sun and rain
Never hide from shadows again
I cannot do it on my own
I tried so hard but I'm losing time
I'm so afraid I cannot swim
Its just no use he won't give in
He just wont leave he will not go
I'm not  allowed  to be free let go
I tried so hard this time I know
But it just gets stronger its twists
It claws at every inch of me
Until i stop reaching for me
I wish you could just set me free
Just take away the pain
Just take away the pain
Just cover me with sin or rain
So they no longer see me
So i can run away get away hide away
So they cant hurt me again

Its easy to say let go
To just be free to just let go
For years i tried to stop the pain
The cold the ice the frozen rain
I'm trying now but there's no use
It just grabs hold so hard to lose
I wish I knew what I could do
I just need someone to pull me through
I try to part but it just claws me back
My heart is screaming out the rain
I'm lying here in storm all grey
The doors are closing stairs they fade
Cant push the mist the storm breaks through
Crashing waves and heavy seas
Just hold my hand
Just let me breathe
I don't know where to turn this night
All the fear be still the fright
If I let go i know ill fall
Straight back to the hell
Straight back to the storm
A part of me so brave so true
Not afraid of dark or ill
Just hold on for another day
See what hope sends your way
Just dont give in
Just stay strong tall
Don't leave to fight
Where u before

I cry alone the cuts so deep
I cannot rest i cannot sleep
I try so hard to break away
To stand so strong
But its like a wall is all around
My voice is screaming out with pain
Yet not a single sound is heard
It like im not even here at all
The colours in streams are reflecting the storm
I tried so hard to break away from dawn
Yet the stronger my light
The darker the sea
Don't understand
Why I cant be free
I get so far then bang the
Lightning strikes
The rocks i built up fall into the sea
The force of the waves
They crush inside me
Until I'm drowning in my own fear
Please take my hand
Get the hell out of here
This time its harder i cant walk away because
Its here where ill stay
I need to stay where i chose to be
Its the fear that should leave not me
As it doesnt matter where i swim its the fear inside that pulls me in
Fear that ill be left behind
Alone in the dark
Where no one will find
The door is locked there's no escape
I cannot breathe i cannot wake
God knows iv tried  for he was there
Yet no one came only evil once more
There's no one here no one came
No one pulled me out again
Just keep on swimming
One day ill find
A way out of this hell not left behind

So now you see new sky above  
Sunshine yellow full of love
A smile between small clouds you've seen  
Soar above don't spiral down
Know you are loved you cannot drown
In between the words you speak
Tears like rivers flow some deep
Believe the love inside your strong
Just hold on tight you do belong
Beneath is now warm air its light
And dreams are much less of fear at night
Only push the shadows aside
Inside a child smiling waits
Dances for the open gates
Opens up the world outside
No more tied your sadness strings
Inside you found where love begins
Learn to fly your angels wings

I made a mistake of reaching out

Why did i dare to write it out

She doesn't look me in the eye

He thinks i'm just a stirring lie

Why did i think you'd understand

They walked away did not stand

So now ill go back into the dark

No message read no one to send

Its different now to far the dive

Cant run away can not hide

Just frozen waters once again

Broken suppressed by childish fear

How can you see into my eyes

Like doorways to my soul

I lead you to the deepest fear

Hoping you'd pull me from the numb

Spirit sleeping deep within my soul

And lead me home wake me from myself

Save me from the darkness that drags me in

Each time in tears i wake from the night terrors before dawn

Hoping some one would hold me through the storm
I tried to speak to let you in
To help u see i sorry

I feel so shaky i feel so hot
Its so so dark inside
A gripping knot that twists and turns
Inside my body the pain it burns
I cannot breath there is no air
A crushing pain i cant compare
I try to breath but theres no air like im drowning but no water there
Im so afraid i try to stand to reach for you to hold my hand
But if i do the shadows will come
I can not speak only be numb
Then ill be fine and ill be safe
No one can touch me if im not awake

I try so hard to understand the pictures in my mind
I try so very hard to see what I once left behind
I walk the line in narrow streets
Heavy walls close in on me
I try so hard to do things right
To live a day to sleep a night
My bodies tired my mind is fast
Full of scared an angry past
Full of pain and dread and fear
Wanting to get out of here
I don't know how to make it stop
The feelings of fear the churning knots
the deepest cut inside my soul the angry words
the masks at windows starring in
The sound of footprints closing in
The fear of being dragged within
The fear this time of giving in
Of standing there letting it in
No longer able to fight the din
Clawing at the bridge of rope another door another room
Another evil to consume
Another evil to endure
Same sounds of shadows pass
Same feel of cold and draft
Then the smell like tar pitch black like cariasote you paint a fence
Then darkness and silence your only friend
You wake your body bones an skin crawling flesh that burns within
You shake like snow has fallen hard
So cold so tired and leg bones pull and twist so sharp
My jaw it aches my ears too ringing silence rips you through
Storms over but no escape
Nightmares gone but you never wake
Instead beneath the ice you swim
Always silent closed within
afraid to speak to let it in
Just swim and swim don't scream  don't ever ever let it in