She  shuffles and scuttles quickly along
beating her way,
through the Christmas throng

The north wind cutting  her mottled face
But shes not part of the Christmas race
For things not needed, luxurious, unwise
Her mind fixed on the price and size
Of a winter coat in that Oxfam place,
she prays its still there, she quickens her pace.

The bell dings-a-ling as she opens the door
Not feeling her legs so tird and sore
Like a long lost friend it waits on the rail
she thanks her god its still for sale.

Her hurry finished, her purchase complete
She focuses now on something to eat

To the corner shop she makes to go
happier now  , her step is slow
bread and milk ,this and that
two tins of food for her little cat

Home at last her mission complete
She models her coat and warms her feet
She cuddles her cat and locks her door
She makes their tea and she cuddles him more

She dims the light her prayers are said
She thanks her god for her winter coat
that doubles as a duvet for her bed.

A fly walks the circumference of my nose
As I sit in the too hot sun
Just my kinda luck
any other part of my body
and I would be blissfully unaware
I blow down hard,
He leaves for a moment
But returns with renewed curiosity
My hands hang limp
By the wheels of my body
My silent voice screams out
Trying in vain to get the attention of my carer,
deep in conversation.

I take the number 7 bus every week .
To the basement of an obscure building,
I am a member of a secret society
I have been saving hard all week
Today I will deposit my savings
As I slowly descend step by step
I hear the familiar wails
and moans of other members
As they deposit their savings
A stooped, wise , bespectacled old man
greets me at the door and ushers me inside with a smile.
I sit in a soft chair at the end of the row
The same wise old man
places a long slender glass to my eye
And the Tear Collector begins his work.
As I sit and cry
I hope you have saved them all up.
Definitely I answer, I was happy all week- no tears

My beautiful Oak stood nobly on its own
It embraced my troubled mind and all my deeds condone
And when its sickly leaves lay crushed upon the soil
They would cushion me in comfort
as Id dream there for awhile

A chainsaw massacre!!! How can this be?
Some dammed blind fool your beauty couldn't see
No passion or affection, this man knows
His love a plastic piece or chalk repose
Things without a life , like this mans heart
He looks upon and calls a work of art

At his uncultured hands, your acquittance bell did tone
To see your life all drained has chilled me to the bone
All my innocence and youth has been severed
with your mighty root
My embittered heart or so it seems
has cursed the man that killed my Oak
And all my dreams

This will be the last Fall my eyes will ever see
And when I'm gone , I'm asking you
Live Autumn just for me

Watch the sickly leaves as they gently try to fall
Dont ever take for granted
for nature gives her all
Theres beauty everywhere
look and let it be
And when I'm gone
remember now
Live Autumn just for me

When the Fall is over and I draw my final breath
Love me and caress me- till I'm immersed in death.

Another rain spattered evening
dreaming worn out dreams
yet they can be so deceiving
Telling my heart "reality's not real"
Hoping for total oblivion
wishing all old wounds would heal
for so they say the darkest hours must flee
Oh when and where is the darkest hour for me?
my twenty minute (trice) has stretched from all proportion
and so by doing my mind has reached distortion

Still the rain keeps falling
Showering down in glee
As if to cry those needed tears
unable to be shed by me
How could outside galaxies
know the pain I hold inside?
Why would they shed such tears for me
for thoughts that I must hide?
No human heart could understand
whats locked within my mind
For I have searched and weary grown
But the key I cannot find
Even if the door stood open wide
what would I see within my mind?

The pattering is replaced by a watery golden sun
Ageless thoughts will disappear
oblivion has begun.

The wailing walls repel their paint
taking in the painful sighs and moans
from those that trudge the halls
The green paint like faded grass
The only reminder of an outside world

                        And me
Here to care,
To listen,
To medicate ,
To ponder
How the **** a mind can break so easily
                              Or
How the **** a mind can mend in these surrounds

But most of all to love you
And I did love you all
From the old man who forced his ****
So he could show me his manhood as I changed him
To the timid boy who dreamed of being a pilot
But could only fly with different wings

I held the crown upon the head of the Queen of Sheba
as another injected all her fears away
I darned socks for a proud minor
through the night, with an invisible needle,
To make real his reality
I became someones daughter,when the pain of not seeing their own became too much to bear

I cried at the futility and sadness
The fear and uncertainty
The suspicion and the attitude of
               THEM AND US
Who the **** are they?
and who the **** do we think we are?


But that was long ago
for now I trudge these same halls
Remembering
How I thought I could save you all
open the door and give you all wings
To fly to ultimate freedom

Now I know for sure I'm one of you
Or a little bit of all of you
I cant love myself though like I love you
I cant accept myself as I did you
I cant wear my wings they hurt
I cant set myself free
But then again I couldn't do that for you lot either.