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  Sep 2014 heidi
I knew the name lay hidden in my mind
I turned the corner into street of hell
I saw its walls of grey and green above me
And then it toned- the solemn lifeless bell
For fear I may forget what I had done!
But I will bring it with me daily
A secret load,
where they don't think there's one
I saw the grotty door and grimy stairs
The stench of death was on them all
Their oblong faces peering through the blinds
To see another victim that might fall
I turned the corner, with my load of lead
wishing that that moaning bell would cease
Every step I took ,I prayed profusely
The prayer I asked- that I might get some peace.
heidi May 2011
A barraster at law no less
I wouldnt trust I must confess
Looking down your pointed nose
seductively holding pose
Your linkedIn profile
who could see
just how you get your
filthy fee

Perverted farming
Filthy creeps
In Hi ace vans
and blacked out jeeps
Gratefully they pay their fee
In return for an STD

Heres the justice overflow
For Nank and **** and ******
I'm returning him to you
When I scrape him from my shoe
For you my dear a final fact
His STD is still intact!
heidi May 2011
Sometimes I wish I wasn't me
When the washing machine leaks buckets
and you stand transfixed and never tell me
or I want a badly earned cup of tea
but you decided it would be fun to pour the milk away

Sometimes I wish I was someone else
When you smash one of my favorite things
because you like the sound
or you use the toilet on display
to relieve  yourself

And boy just sometimes
do I wish I wasn't me?
When all your questions leave me addled
and all your screaming leaves me deaf
with fear of another thundering sameness day

Who would I be?
The posh Mary with the new fence that never rusts?
The perfect house and shiny windows
No  not for me too boring

The women that rent the new complex
I dont even know there names
Than dress up in all the latest gear
Go to the woman with the green door
for beautification
have meals out and wine at home
No, not me at all.

Right now I'm glad I'm me again
As you wrap your arms around me
Towering over me,
and give me a goodnight kiss

None of those other women
are as sure as me that
the kisses they get are as loving
or genuine as the ones you give me

None of those other glamorous women
with their uncomplicated lives
and false nails
are as sure of a lifetime of love
as I am
I just forgot my gratitude

If I wasn't your Mom,
I dont know who Id be.......
Yes I know now
I know who Id be!
Id be bewildered!
heidi May 2011
Twisted dried and withered up I took you out
and laid you down to rest
A little tear slipped from the corner of my eye
when i said goodbye forever
I thought of all the dark winter mornings when
the only light \i saw was yours
You were a big presence in my life, strong
forceful and sheltering
You received all my black moods graciously
and drove them into the earth
You were the one constant that I was sure to see
in the morning unchanged
Until the faithful week that brought with it
the glistening black frost
I wrapped you tightly, securely to protect you
for you were not built to feel such cold
I cried in disbelief the day you died as the
bewildered birds sat on your bare branches
and sang a dirge for you.
heidi Jan 2011
I love you with all my heart
I want nothing more than to be just like you
But you dont accept me
My gentleness, my innocence
My loveliness
My belief in the goodness of life
and my eagerness to find it everywhere
and in everyone
Instead you push your petty prejudiced view on me
and then leave me for days even weeks
torturing myself, trying to understand
was it just a joke?
I cannot embrace your hate
I dont want to, because my heart is pure
my mind cannot comprehend such things
Like a dog, I will always love people and always forgive
Can you accept that in me and nurture it?
Can you even become like me?
I so want to be just like you.
heidi Nov 2010
I'm sitting in my hospital bed
Mid shock and pain and tears
My husband sits beside me
allaying all my fears

They took my glands
and then my breast
I dont even really care
The sadness that I feel is for....
my husbands love affair

The phone bill showed a number
I didn't recognize
A little bit of delving
exposing all the lies
I wrenched my hands and tore my hair
weak from sickness and despair

She was very lovely,
much prettier than me
Although I tried,
I knew that I
could never ever be
as pretty or as clever
as the very lovely she

I sat at home alone at night
and willed the pain to leave
It just grew worse with every time
he left me to deceive
My bleeding heart refused to heal
It seeped to every cell
My life while I was being deceived
became a living hell

I couldn't eat, I couldn't think
I lay awake all night
Then I cursed the both of them
out loud with all my might
The pain was all encompassed
The fever wet my bed
He checked the room
when he came home
to see if I was dead

Ive kept this secret all this time
pretended not to know
trying to let it all sink in
frightened to let go

I haven't got the strength to live
or the will to fight
I know my time is running out
Perhaps Ill go tonight
Im all alone my body shakes
I cant keep in the heat
The only promise I can make
my revenge will taste so sweet

I hover high above the bed
confused at what I see
a broken body all alone
That quite resembles me
Ah! here he comes all dressed in black
relief  upon his brow
"I'm glad shes gone to a better place"
"her suffering over now"

"Lying hypocritical *******"
I scream but no one hears
They huddle round to comfort him
he sheds his crocodile tears
Keeping up appearance
well Ill soon see to that
"Ill haunt your life of misery
you cheating lying rat"

She stands by him at my grave side
As I hover over head
Where everything becomes so clear
Amid the prayers being said

For all the pain you gave me
I say you will be cursed
I push with all my ethereal might
In my grave she lands head first
You took my bed
why not my grave?
for as you took
so too I gave!

I laughed out loud ,an angry laugh
looked towards the watery sun
Not ready to depart just yet
My revenge has just begun
heidi Nov 2010
I have a new computer
Its clever as can be
Fixing all my words
for I cant spell you see
But I can never type it up
Without a draft(or ten)
Eat the corners of my page
and chew upon my pen.
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