When I was young we ran together
faster than me but never
the less good fun
together
we
always together
and I would say this is forever you and me a team as
girl and dog should be
in rain sun moon and stars alike
together were we through hills and hikes
tired and hungry and happy
together
I remember the tears that
arrived at
the mere thought of
alone
I remember the knowing and
the waiting
but we were together you and me as
girl and dog should be
kept alive out of dumb love
flew from us at the first a
hand stroked multicolored fluff
and a long tongue lapped a cheek
eyes glassy and nose wet
at the thought of
together
a happy thought alone
but reality took
you away from me
and death did not come for me as it
should because hell
I was never really meant to be here in the first place
kept alive in the free flying years by
a bark and bated breath
the only thing in this world I
could never dream to live without
heart wrenchingly alone with nothing
as this nightmare passes in the
years and hours
no love anymore and nobody
I miss you
and there’s nobody who’d see as we
what girl and dog should be.

the time in between when
  she leaves and when
  she comes
              usually like a cold
  wind on my nose passes
  before I notice it came
        half my heart and mind
    leave for a while shortly
      after the sun rises and
             before it begins to recede
she will return.
              Barely enough room in our
         room for a bed and a table
           but nevermind
                         in a hot heap on the the soft quilt
           I am running in endless yellow flowered
                prairies with unfettered sunlight
                    on my back chasing rabbits
                and gnawing on grasses shaking off dew
                            sometimes I awake long enough
                 to realize the sunlight is
                             really falling from behind
                 the pane of a small window shining down
                  in a patch upon me.
                                            still just as warm,
                                      later I awake to see the sun
has gone completely and I become
           worried,
     anxious, spreading like
  wildfire or dark clouds in the sky.
  I feel a storm is coming
            in my bones
    and start to shake
  a sound escapes me in a
         whistle of pain.

    It’s late and it’s storming I don’t like storms
  so she’d never leave me alone
         whines turn into howls because
  something is up
            howls pass like this
            worried    worry
   alone with shaking pains and the
        lightning starts oh no oh no
   the world is breaking to pieces
    or some such catastrophe much
                  too much for me and I
                     retreat into a corner,
                                small
    what if she’s gone
              forever?
                  what will become of this
     room and our happy?
    my ears perk up as footsteps pad the hallway
  and a key enters the lock.
             immediately I rise and try
   to contain the happiness
  overflowing from every little fur,
              my tail is wagging me to
                     death I swear
               my heart beating out
                         of existence. The door
            opens and she’s in
                    her smell surrounds me
                      wafts of comfort and
                  together she’s back back
                                back
                 and I notice she’s howling,
                wet flowing from her
                nose and eyes,
                         sounds of pain.

                what’s wrong? we’re home,
                      together, nothing’s wrong.
                    she collapses at the door,
Pushing
           her back to softly close the latch.

                      I turn in three circles
                     rest my head in her lap
                                and wait.

Yesterday we tried sleep
in a heap together
but sleep would not come.

The sakura tree
is dead you tailpipe fiend
you coal mine scoundrel.



.

Her hairs are fragrant
flowers but I’m allergic.
Blow my nose on my
injured heart, red eyes water,
medicine is leaving her.

Finality.
Finnish girls in micro minis
dance
prance kind of
jiggle across the
stage
sweet sixteen Swedes
rub their ***** in their
hypothetical fathers
faces
chicks freshly hatched
still slimy and warm
from the womb
wrap their
maternal gifts
and parts
on poles hiding behind
what small articles
are left on
their pale pink
bodies.

Downing my
scotch,
waving over a fresh
one.
Finally
alone
in a room filled familiarly
with sadness and sweat
men’s pupils enlarge
in the smoke screened
darkness.
I hide
behind the dignity
I don’t have left
over
a feeling spreads
through each cell
membrane to sedate
and mirror
the faces of girls
on stage
who have resigned.
Similarly,
I fired
myself from this
position. “Sorry,”
I mutter into the spaces
in between the
scotch and the rocks,

“It’s just not working out.”
Mentally, I empty
what remains inside into a
small cardboard box
wrap
my arms around
my drunken insides
and stand
shameful like
a guilty dog.

My back is turning
to mirror girls’
stony eyed solitude,
Tiny Finnish dancers
finish up their act
as I, reaching the door,
walk out.

Once, I told darkness
You really are such a ****.
I heard no reply

From then on she grew
consuming regret growing
many supple limbs

ashen with floppy fingers
circling me I used to scream
maybe it will cease to sting

sometime in our future:
now darkness crawls out
hungering for more

I have nothing left to take
all around the insides trash piles stack
our cavern stinks

reeling as she’s ravaging
and growing too thin, my friend the darkness
took her last breath
as I watch cackling eyes aflame.

Fill a box with nothing and climb
inside to drown. Be silent.