heavenliefaith

heavenliefaith Feb 2017

Faded

i wonder if you were to sit beside me without me saying a word to you, would you notice that i love you doesn't try to come out anymore? would you realize that the taste of your name leaves a bitter aftertaste so i try not to say it anymore? that the way you once made me feel full of excitement now just makes me feel cold. my eyes would light up as if you were the sun shining throughout the baby blue sky but now you're just a stormy day that comes every once in a blue moon and maybe that's why I'm scared of storms because you were once the sunshine and now you're nothing but the big dark clouds that holds nothing but pain and ache. maybe that's why i'm always so tired those days, loving you had seemed so easy but that only been because i was blinded by the person i made you out to be. you had once been all the stars in the sky to me and now all you ever seem to be is just another face in the crowd. i won't tell you that i still love you, that part of me left a long time ago but i will never stop telling you that i hate what you made me become and how stupid you made me look. this isn't a love letter or poem, this is a "you're going to realize what you had some day" letter, i know it doesn't seem like much but know that you are no longer beautiful to me, you are no longer a work of art to me. you're just the canvas waiting to be turned into something beautiful because beautiful is something you'll never be.

#poetry

heavenliefaith Dec 2014

what's to believe now?

i remember when forever was the only thing i believed in,
i used to be so tempted to text you because i thought it'd make you love me more,
but what i found out is that,
you don't love me anymore,
you love her,
so what's the point?
in me texting you and calling you,
when she can see you face to face?
i feel like we have never been in love with each other,
you've never seen the hidden parts of me,
but what's to see?
im still the same girl i am,
when we FaceTime or talk on the phone,
so what about her is so different?
is it that you can see her everyday?
is it that she's better?
you don't have to tell me because i know that's exactly why,
was forever just some joke to you?
when you told me you loved me,
was it all a lie?
i never could tell because you had so much meaning in your voice,
maybe this is why I'm so confused,
one day you love me, and then you don't.
i hope you're not like this with her,
she deserves better than that,
i know you're going through a lot,
and i wish i could be there to help you but i know what you told me last night was so i can leave this time,
after this i am really closing the door for good,
no more us, ever.
you go marry her,
have kids,
live in a big house,
she the one, right?
because me sticking with you for a year and a half wasn't good enough?
how many times have you broke me?
think of it,
and tell me how many times I've loved you enough to let you back in.
tell me,
how many chances have i gave you?
i love you so much but honestly,
i feel so useless now,
you've never made me feel like that, ever.
until you told me you loved her,
so now i know that forever is just a word that people say when they were in love,
but were we ever really in love?
heavenliefaith

— The End —