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loving you was
late night drives
iced coffee and fries
laughing on your bedroom floor
new places
fingers intertwined
ruthless gossips
putting me on a pedestal
second guessing
bathroom breakdowns
kissing bottles and strangers
tossing myself to sleep
another heartbreak it is, maybe i'll just sleep this one out
notebook open, and my pen out
attempting to turn these disastrous thoughts into something beautiful,
same page open for hours,
but nothing was written.
i'm empty just like this page
out of all broken things i've ever touched,
"your hand is what i crave the most"
i found poetry
in the gaps between your fingers
that were never meant to be mine

i found poetry
when you arrived in my life;
just like the waves searching for the shore

i found poetry
when I fell in love with you-
intensely hard.

and i found poetry too
when you didn't love me back
and i chose to stay in love with you.
i chugged too many bottles
they sometimes remind me of your cold lips
the taste of whiskey stings
like the way you said i was too much
but i don't want to sulk around
so i drank more
until i could just pass out
and let my friends drive me home
by the morning,
i'll wake up with a pounding headache
guess i'll treat it with some aspirin
only to realize that i have to drown myself
in alcohol once again at night
getting drunk makes me less think of you
you are the human personification of a smile
y'all deserve to know this
how hard it is to love someone who isn't done loving someone else
"i want to be naked in front of you"
this is more than most people knew
i'm not talking about ****** nor touching a body part
what made me wrote this poem is loving you and art

i've let you undress me without putting away my clothes
despite of wearing pieces of cotton and denim
my whole being was still exposed
scars and open wounds were proudly shown
open arms accepted them as if they were your own

i've always wanted to be naked in front of you
not naked in a way of removing garments and seeing
those hidden tattoos
but naked without all the secrets and walls
to let you in to my soul and fall
for you to see my chaotic perceptions
to explore my darkest deceptions
to take a glimpse at my deepest fears
to know the reason behind my tears
to marvel at my arduous dreams
to listen to my demons' screams

here i am uncovered and raw
this is more than the constellations could ever draw
a girl's most intimate moment - a girl with a heart of a poet
words have my emotions translated
"you were the only one who've seen me this naked"
how would you know if your soul is broken?
simple.
you don't read poetry,
you write it.
so i gave you what you wanted,
your freedom and your choice;
i hope that you're contented with,
the sound of your own voice.
i wish you happiness, something that you never gave.
i waited for you to speak
but you failed to utter a single word
not even an explanation was given
you just left
without letting me
know the reason behind your leaving
i remember the first poem i ever wrote
to you
you were every romanticized line in the moonlight
you were my muse in my prose and poetry
i wrote about how you held me so tight
and now i'm writing this tonight because you lose your grip

this is the last poem i’ll ever write to you
and i swear this would be the last
but i constantly change my mind
so i might write you ten thousand other poems
which you'll never get to read
because i won't write them down
i’ll just hold them in
the same way i wanted words from you
but all i got was deafening silence

this is the last poem i’ll ever write to you
and this is the last time i’ll ever think about you
your scent
your warm embrace
your almond eyes
your caress
your vulnerability
this is the last time i’ll ever think of us

this is the last poem i’ll ever write to you
and this is the last time i’ll let you in
hurt me once more, i beg
so i’d be numb
and stop writing poems about you
and maybe this time,
this would make me stop loving you
it's the kind of pain that makes you pray when you don't pray at all
I don't know if I should start with how we fell apart
Or how we fell in love,
but whichever way it goes,
We know we fell out of love.

I'm not sure if I should start saying "sorry"
Or should I blame myself.
But whatever happened with that part,
We drifted apart.

I know I was at fault
I know you were too.
We say we were both just young,
Still, I lost you.

I wish rules never exist in love
But if there were none,
I wish I had, I wish I had,
I would still had you in my arms right now.

It ***** how we always say "we are humans"
With feelings
With emotions
With a story
And even when we know we still love,
We choose not to,
We pretend to

Then you showed up with someone new,
I feel remorse for myself
For thinking you are just filling the void between the two of us
But we choose not to
We pretend to

As soon as I hit the bed,
Tears fall straight from my face
Wiping every memory
The smell of your scent still lingers
I chose this, we can't pretend

My mouth longs to speak these unsaid words
It's choking me.
The thought of you drowns me.
I'm just lost.
You choked me. You drowned me. I'm lost.

But we choose not to,
We pretend to
Despite of how we feel,
We knew guilt is greater than our love
So I chose to walk away
We shouldn't have stayed.

But if ever I get the privilege
To have my heart broken again,
I would still pick to love you
But we choose not to,
We pretend to

— The End —