It was a rainy night
The trees twisted into the purple sky
I saw a deer
Smile at my curvy thoughts
Spirals of anything wandered
Into the mist
I saw something
I never saw before
Rainbows of colour
Dancing to the Beatles
It was still 1964

I don’t like electronics
Unless I’m really in the mood
I don’t like this superficial goodness
And I don’t like all this inorganic food
I just want some bell bottoms
And a guitar
I don’t want a turn table
Brought from afar
We mustn’t support the greed of the nation
Give me flowers
And love
And groovy peace power
No supermalls and expensive clothes
What happened to thrift stores?
Give me nature and divinity
Give me love and set me free
I don’t want to live in confusion
I don’t want no Nixon,
No Vietnam War
I only want the groove
Of  1964
Come on Harper
Move your coat aside
Let someone cool
Come and take a stride
Give me the days
When an apple was an apple
And Mac was my dead grandpa
Give me the days before a Wal-Mart store
Take me on back to
1964

A letter to my inner child:
I speak
to your heart, to the longing within you,
to the Earth that rings through you.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Dearest child,
With eyes wide and innocent,
With palms held open unto this world,
Please trust
in this love.
You will find many distractions
in this lifetime.
You will find
Many pretty faces with false pretenses,
Tainted colors flashing,
Promises with no roots,
Fake smiles and sweaty palms
which
All lead you into blindness.
You will find
Tangled arms reaching for you,
Pulling you into the swarm,
Tugging from wars within,
begging you
to join the confusion.
You will find
A shell of a world
with
Loud noises, greedy oil,
and zipping cars
Disguised as redemption.
Do not lose your way,
This labyrthm may swim around you
but your heart is the mountain,
Steadfast and strong.
The moon is your guardian,
May she guide you.
Your soul is the lion,
May she Roar.
Do not fall in love dear one,
Rise.
Do not lose your way dear child,
Trust.
There is beauty
In listening,
There is beauty
in honour,
There is truth
in the silent path.
You will find racing speeds and excitement, enjoy these fleeting moments
As warm gifts of
impermanence,
But do not disregard
the wisdom
that beats and blossoms
from your heart.
For the voice that
walks with you,
that wakes with you,
will lead you
To exactly
where you are meant to be,
So listen.
It will lead you back home
To the glowing alter
of your
own sacred light.
It will lead you back home,
To the vast mighty
Mountain
you are
and
were born to be.

Many paths await
Should you choose to wander
So with thirsty souls
We dipped our toes
Upon a trail
Blazed by wild Heather
And the scent of sun warmed
mountain huckleberries
Wrapped in the
protection and sweetness
Of an undisturbed
mother bear

We nestled our bodies
Into her valleys
Seduced by her song
the sacred source of water

Climbing upwards bit by bit
And breath by breath
Each step
We became stripped
Of the old world Inside
A soft returning home
to Our true nature

And then suddenly
Or perhaps patiently
We made it to the land of the giants
Where we swam in her oasis
And drank water from her chest
Before  the land lay to rest
And thoughts of how to give back
To this mighty creation
Danced in my chest

As sunlight slowly dipped
Behind thorny peaks
Of rocks
Which rose up out of the sea
So high they climbed
as if they wished to return
To the stardust
from which they came

We too nearly touched the shooting stars
With a sweep of our hands
So close we were
To the mystical viel
between two worlds

We slept like honey
Golden and flowing
And arose like honey
Soft and glowing
As she arose like thunder
With the power of an eagle
soaring across her beating beast
Over deep green valleys
And way down into the
wild blue of a far away ocean

Up here we could hear
The source of her song

And from deep within
her voice called to us
As we called to her
So we lovingly found the place
In the center
Where our two worlds met
And slowly
we felt the pulse
of our hearts beat
Together as one

Love, trust the heart completely. So like hippies we drove a van into the sunset, sweet grass, aviator haze, straw hat chins to the sky, singing from our hearts, barefoot desert land, oncoming moon on the western horizen, crisp of an orange glow left on the desert mountains in the east, moon and stars, dream catcher dangling, quietly breathing, sleep calling me like a child, sorrow and love sinking in, warm cool air, sighs of release, goodbye. Life, simplified, always pursue the heart, surrender and release, deal with you{re stuff, cry, release, yoga, it becomes easier the more pain we release, tension is built up pain. Western medicine isn{t very neccasary, trust, visit death, lose attachment, the soul will never die. Lose fear, fear is opression, surrender to the luminous love light of the one. freedom.

From the jagged peaks of my warrior mouth
a voice comes, it's screaming out
Abolish those old woes  and leave behind
the stones you never turned,
hold onto what made you strong,
feel fire within you burn.

Theres and ancient warrior within me, a goddess of strength, her flames taint me, her truth woven deeply within. She is with me when I am alone in the forest, the deep serene misty green, or the ocean, the calm sea foamy oblivion.
Etheral wispy spirits.
This warrior, she prevents my fear.
I can feel her wrath inside of me.
I feel her when I run, like buffalo, through plains of unstained soil.
I feel her roots branch from my toes trailing up and through to my soul,
she holds me, she kisses me, and she moves me, moves me like water streaming from the mountains top.

The apple hangs alone
Stooped down on its bough
Morning dew drips from its skin
The rising day slowly sinking in
Autumn is fading fast
Reaching for sunlight
hoping it will last
Soon enough we'll all be feeling winters wrath
But before then
Icy grey mist shrouds
And this lonely apple tree
Stands desolate in a farmers field
Beckoning to be picked
While the rest of the world
Remains in clouds

Oh Sea Goddess
you're beauteous form
reflecting in the inhabitents or mystic creation.
Dolphins and mermaids.
You're hair like the wind of a diving gull.
Temptress and betrayer, smooth or chopped.
Sun like a melon, you're favourite company.
When you send whales through the air, sea foam wisps. Washing gently to the shore and softly kissing stranded driftwood and drying seaweed.
Playful like a boy, who still takes the moment of reading in the sunlit air and breathing in the pleasures of you're holy mystic presence.
Salty sweet scent, gentle symphony.
Oh Sea Goddess, how I live for and love for thee.

I know better
yet I fall too easily.
Something about the way you reminded me of someone I once knew
in a story written long before.
The time before I grew into this skin,
the time when I was seeking myself in novels with big words which I didn't understand.
How did I trust you
to hold my heart
when I saw how you held yours.

Couldn't think straight on my lunch break had to filtrate some wordhop.. Spiritual lessons in a coffee shop...

I want the world to wake up and yet I respond hastily to a customer,
hiding in make up,
& in a scrambled shake up..
my souls ventialtion,
a void of frustration
spews out in a compilation
Of "medium or dark roast?"
"Yo!"
I tell myself,
"Stand back, humble, make a toast to the path of the most, don't be a ghost that boasts"
So I choose to send her
blessings on her way,
avoid the sway
into mass fear,
help her
and I
to know why
we're here,

Fear dissapear

I will not respond in anger, hate or disgust
to triple frappucino-three-papercups-for-one drink society
No
I will rise through this cosmic dust
To elucidate my hearts trust
That this 9-5 rust
Will fade in a gust!

I will pray
For a world where we can be the preachers of the practice
Express our full bliss
Where we wont
Fade into the abyss...

I'm Not going to Miss
My life
Standing back
Watching behind glass,
Stooped away in fright

NO!

I'm going to feel my might
Like the night
Sky
Let it Cry
Throughout cackly veins
Wipe away
electric shasms
of pain
I will send her  
Love
On her way..

Sorry I got caught in a sway

I ask again,
Feelin that zen,
A true smile then,
"Would you like medium or dark roast?
Because
I give a toast
to the path
with the most"
My blessings to you to find ways
To live most true
And Now...
to start a new
*** of brew..
Oh universe :)
¡¡Thank You!!

I always felt words didn’t fit, the emotions
My mother told me I was mistaken
when I spoke the sounds instead of the words
I tried to comply by rules
I couldn't
I told people that they were just a boundary and I didn’t follow limitations
They told me I was incorrect
That you must know the language and then you can "play" it your own way
you must live in the bubble
so that you can play what you want to
within the bubble.
except in the end
your still in the bubble
And I thought it was great
To learn and learn
To know many things
And I thought it was great
That we are on this earth
And that these things exist
And there’s so much to pursue
But sometimes the words didn’t match the emotions
And I didn’t want to be misplaced
I didn’t want to be lost
but its hard
when lost
is their word for found
I controlled my reality
yet never did I puncture
that bubble
I conformed to the limitations
I forgot the memory I once had
Of the eagle
Flying way, way up
And I forgot the dream I had
The feeling
Of free
I was in a paralysis
Of numb
I followed the system
I swallowed the drugs,
That made me feel anything
But human
Blind to the integrity
Only the warmth
Over me
Like bread from the oven
I surrendered to it
Some how it felt like I had ***’d my pants and my mother was telling me it was okay because I was wearing a diaper
And I lulled in this feeling
Feeling like I was that age again

When is it time to awake from that state?

At first I was hesitant
To swallow what society said would make me normal
only because I knew better
except
My mother told me
It was so I could be nice and normal,

So I would stop having these feelings.


These feelings of freedom?


And the man on TV said
Over and over
America is a free country
And I was spoon fed the lies
To mute
To catch the part of me falling out of my drooling mouth
The part of me that stood up,
The one that knew its rights
The one that cried with all its soul
The one that smiled like the fresh sun over a mountain top
The one that felt
Really felt
Drooling to the floor
I was a zombie
“Free” he said
With a thin layer of fire in his eyes
And for a moment I saw beyond that layer
I saw the universe within him
I saw all of his impurities
And all of his beauty
I saw how before bed,
He would grasp for breath the same way he was doing now
take off his slippers
And crinkle the sheets of the mattress
Beside the wife he never truly loved
Except for some high school dream
Of normalcy that chained him
To the bed he now lies in every night
I saw
The wrinkles by his eyes
How he to, would accept it
He would let nature take him over
Though he might not understand it
Like a beast
He was fighting to live within this world he was stuck in
The world I was stuck in
This plastic paradigm
As we repress the animal in us.

His human qualities
breaking out of him
sputtering
for some answer
to the questions that lacked the meaning
He was on the border of breaking out
But was too clouded
With stupidity
The actual government watching behind the scenes
Letting him play
And checking every now and then
The invisible safety net
On the borders
Of existence
The man would laugh
If he was to actually be free
he would see it as a joke
He didn't see he was fighting himself
He was like those
That never believed the world was round
The ones
That believed woman would never get the vote
And so it’s taken different shapes
And those men now laugh at the men of the past
But what differs between them
Because I know I’m not free
Do you? Mr. TV man, do you?
And you cry it out
Sing it to the world
But something behind your eye lingers
Some sort of a lost boy
And I can see for a second there
That you question it too
You question the words you’re spinning into substance
You see for a split second
How far removed you are from the earth
Living in some concrete castle that man has created
Away from all the luxuries of a free world,
Only the numbing ones
The ones that wash away the soul with a gentle wipe
So with a sleeve I removed the drool
I turned off the TV
I walked out of the house
and I left
Because
The train tracks that led me here
Didn’t hold anything
But weakness
And I know my heart
And I know
I
myself
know
You’re not free
If you have to hear it from a man on TV

"We have come to be danced
not the pretty dance
not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
but the claw our way back into the belly
of the sacred, sensual animal dance
the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
the holding the precious moment in the palms
of our hands and feet dance

We have come to be danced
not the jiffy *****, shake your ***** for him dance
but the wring the sadness from our skin dance
the blow the chip off our shoulder dance
the slap the apology from our posture dance

We have come to be danced
not the monkey see, monkey do dance
one, two dance like you
one two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
tearing scabs & scars open dance
the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance

WE have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into
the luminous skin of love dance

We have come to be danced
not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance
the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
the mother may I?
yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance
the everyone can come to our heaven dance

We have come to be danced
where the kingdom’s collide
in the cathedral of flesh
to burn back into the light
to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
to root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced
WE HAVE COME"

There's something so special
Within those who devote themselves to dance.

Not the form, the practice, the 1-2-3 step to the side type of dance but rather the dance being spirit.

Those who leap to the moon and sing to God with every twist of their pirouette type of dance.

The grace and surrender as spirit cries through flesh type of dance.
The dance that needs no music because the rhythm beats on within
type of dance.

The silence of our bodies reverberating off of hardwood floors, our pulsating breath breaking the air around us
type of dance.

The dance which is a leap of faith as we throw out hearts forward, cast our egos aside and dance...truly dance type of dance.

There's something so special about dancing
When we dance for freedom.

Fear is like a ****... It always finds its way back. However, dandelion is considered a **** although it has many medicinal properties, fear is of the same nature. Im not saying hold onto fear but rather learn from it and what it has come to teach. Reach to the root of it and then pluck it out to prevent it from returning as often. Many blessings to all

Feathered skin
Soft heart
Hold my hand
Just like
We are children
Running freely
I wish to kiss your lips
Cup your face in my palms
And pull you closer
like nothing stands in the way
Of such temptation
Inspired to be the wind
Caressing
Every wildflower
Singing to this
open road
Of freedom

Dinner with my Brother

I don't mind baby slugs
In my salad greens
Picking away at them before I eat
Reminded of the connection
Between me and the Earth
that grew this meal
I am reminded to be grateful for even the slugs served a role in tonight's supper.
I think of salmon bones being returned to the earth
And I imagine the forest soils eating up the rich nutrients
How bears have filled their bellies with salmon from the rivers
And how the salmon bones have fed the forest
And how the forests have provided for the land
Providing shelter for the salmon
I think about
These cycles often

Just Like I think about
The last time I saw you
Glimmering in the sunlight
Laughing brightly as we ran along the street
And in a flash you were gone.
It took me many years
To understand how this too
Was part of
a greater cycle

I kept seeing you
In everything I touched and breathed
I cried river's of tears for
What felt like years
Greif and love being
Yet another cycle
I found you
In the songs of the wind
The birds flight
And the morning light
As it danced around me
As it begged me to open my parched lips
And drink in the dawn of a new day
To feel it
Wash through me
Cleansing me anew

It's taken me sometime
Crawling through the depths
of darkness
To find
My own cycle
And ryhtmn
Here on this earth
But more and more
I come to see
How we must tread
Lightly
With love and presence

So I slowed down tonight
To watch the sunset
Sink deeper into the skyline
I thought of you
And I felt the waves lap at my toes
And softly the glistening moon rose
And the cycles
Continued to circle around me
Every which way I looked
And I felt the softness of peace
Within me
And I felt you
In all things

Cycling forever
In this moment
This rich incomprehensible
Yet simple
Moment,
Yet another cycle
Of infinite life
Simply circling round

I am twisting these
Words simply because of the intricacy
that can be held by muttering together letter after letter
The language formed
The communication
I was going to ask if you remembered that time, but I know better
You know
You remember
When the winds were blowing hard
And we were to go our separate ways
And there I was pounding my fists within my chest
Wailing out
How badly did the desire stained liquid quench feeling of lust want to escape
Built up inside of me
Dying to break out
To be fed
You knew it
You knew I loved you
You stood there
Waiting patiently
gallantly
No you wouldn’t interpose anything
And the little fists within me would keep beating and pounding too afraid to break the rhythm they had formed
You stood tall
It was winter I think
Or perhaps late fall
Definitely not early spring though
Because I know too well
The scent of spring
And the feeling
And the time didn’t match with that
Your eyes glimmered
Secrets within
I so smitten
So afraid to interpose upon you
So afraid
To stand tall
Not wanting to burst our friendship
With anything more
But the desire had become too much
Insatiable with a simple hug or smile
You stood there
Only waiting
Yet I didn’t know it then
And after the years
When it all clicked in
I remember your gallant way of standing
And even now
Sometimes you smile at me
You smile at the deeper root within me
You see the grounding connection between us
You feel it too
But you see my weaknesses
And without doubt
My fears as well
I wish I could show you my strength
Although I know you know
It exists
And rather mundane now
For the time for these thoughts has passed
And now they are just meaningless specks
On the image
Of our youth
And I know you know that I feel I have to prove it
And I know you know I know you know
That it is unnecessary
Sorry for my hesitancy
But that time of year has come again
The rain
The wind
The dividing factors
Pulling away at my skin
At my scarf
And I can ever so clearly remember the prudence
The day
And I realized
Perhaps
For just once
So I can fill my gut
With the fulfillment
That you know
How deep I go
So...
Please,
Don’t smile, I love you

When was the last time you let the grass tickle your toes or let the fragrance of a rose twirl softly up your nose?
When was the last time you stopped the "I know's" and truly surrendered to the mystery that grows, 
lusciously flows 
and goes 
trinkling back to home?
Do you dare to release your
hair to the bare 
winds that breeze on by? 
Do you dare, with quivered lips, 
scream out to that aching sky?
Do you dare to fill your heart to the brim with love so good it shakes,
as you unfold your lips 
and unfetter to the deepest most secret quips 
of being, 
left hidden in moments before the 
earth quakes?

Do you dare to care 
So much
So so so much
That all you can do is surrender?

Do you dare to point 
your fingers to that sky
and whisper just 
why why why
You do care
As the moon listens and
galaxies watch on 
by by by.

In the bluest truest stare
You whisper
I do dare
I do care
I do do Do
Dare
To touch the Sky to the Earth
The Earth to Sky
To rebirth
And shed
To awake the sleeping dead
To be a soul fulfiller
To be a long standing pillar
To be genuine, wise, and humbled in my knowing
To let myself be, breathe, feel, feed
The grass that is growing
To be blossomed like the fig that simply shares
Or the trumpet that expands outwards with its blares~~
I release from affairs of empty cares
I stand before the sky
Naked in my silence
I stand before the wind
And whisper....
Do you hear me mother?
Soft whispers of I do
I do I do I do
Its true...
....I do dare...

Just another drive by city
Sometimes I cry
For what we've done to you
I see you
So innocently
Still reaching for the glow of the sun
With nothing but love in your palms
I cry
With fists wailing
For the pain
We've cut
Into your hide
How can I ever begin to apologize
So I just feel the soft animal
Of my body resting on you
So I just hold you as you hold me
And fall into
This sense of solidarity

I watch the mallard ducks, tundra swan, and other waterfowl swim in circles, close to the spring-fed river where the ice, which has steadily swallowed the entirety of the lake, hasn't yet touched. The birds, presumably, are dipping and diving for food before the last moments of daylight slip away. Evening is rolling in and the sun glints across the mountains in the distance, stirring a sense of presence from deep within me. I catch my breath and watch the trail it leaves in the frigid air. It's been awhile since I've written anything. Staring upon blank pages wondering why what was once so easy has become an insurmountable task. I have come to see how writing is an act of love and to be honest I've been out of love with parts of the world. Avoiding my own feelings of discomfort and dismay. Time spent driving through towns which edge highway after highway. Who are the people who live here, what are their stories? Thoughts ramble and race from within me. My curiosity itches. My heart feels a longing sense of compassion for these broken towns. For the stories which have ended up unfinished, discarded like novels lacking the soul moving momentum to make it beyond the gas station book aisle. In the orange light I see billows of smoke rising, hollow faces trudging to the outskirts of town. I see a man crumpled over a grocery cart of bottles to the side of the highway. He is on a sort of mission, where that is to, I wonder. Perhaps another unfinished novel. I think about him and his life story, about the generations of him. I wonder how his hands look or how his feet feel walking day after day bent forward like that. I ache trying to put myself in his shoes.
I have been avoiding my feelings, I have been wanting to paint pictures that cover it all up and put roses boldy over the hurt. I want to accept that this is just part of life. Ever so often though my feelings seep in too deep and I can no longer withhold the barriers to my own truth. I imagine the children of these broken towns and I wonder where their dreams go. Zipping past a world of T.V's and fast food diets, cigarettes and flashing motels. Sometimes I can not turn off the faucet of my emotions and so with a sinking heart I watch the smoke of industry billow.
My mind creates stories of the place this used to be. Maybe it was once like the lake I sit at now, where aspen and willow softly dance together, where the thrush and fowl chirp with hope of a coming springtime. Ponderosa pine stands tall and mighty, and at her base the tracks of fox, deer, and rabbit may be found.
I marvel at the utter magnificence of creation, the perfection of the pink alpine sunset softly wrapping around me, the silence of winter where deep below the surface life secretly brews.
I do not know what to make of these stark differences in creation but I am grateful for the poetry woven into it all, even the poetry in the pain.
Passing through yet another bleak roadside attraction in the long winding night of echoes. I can't help but allow my mind to race and ramble itself upward and away, just like the billowing factory smoke, steadily rising into the crisp and starry night sky.

I seem to look for you
In all places I go
Sometimes I cling
To the memory of your
flesh
Your beating heart and gentle hands

But what is there to cling to now?
Its all just
Dust dust dust

So the walls in my home
Are dust
The mantelsills and coffee cups
Are all just
Dust dust dust
And I wait for you in that old familiar chair
Covered in
dust dust dust
For these days it is the only thing
I know how to cling to
And I want to hold onto something
But even then
A gust of wind easily blows through
these fragile walls
And scatters
The dust dust dust

I look for you
Everywhere I go
On my wedding day, my graduation, even in my lonely walks
Looking
For you
Looking for
dust dust dust

Particles of stardust
Blowing in the wind



I go to peculiar places to see if I can find you
Like hospitals
But all I see is the clinging
That familiar feeling
That itches deep in my belly
The clawing kind of sorrow

As if we could hold onto a piece of mortal flesh forever
As if life was eternal
And I do believe it is eternal
But it's all just eternal
dust dust dust

So I cling to dust instead
of the impermanence of
flesh and bones
But its hard when I remember
How beautiful a hug can be
Just how beautiful a hug can be
And how I long for my heart to touch yours again
How I long to be met by you
Not this dust
The emptiness
Of the night greeting me again

I see you in my dreams often
I wake up crying
With my remembering
I still reach out
Only to find the dust dust dust

I try and stay in old homes where there is more dust
Where there are stories etched into the floors and walls
I cling to your dust
I keep it close to my heart
I gather it in my basket of hopes and prayers just as I gather the seeds for my garden

But sometimes there are these empty mornings like today
When I wake up alone
And there is no dust
In this home
And I have nothing to cling to
Just sprawled out naked
Before the sea of life

So I went to watch the sunrise
Which still hadn't dawned
And I reached out to the sky
Because I miss you
Like an aching in my soul
It's like I swallowed chards of glass
When i realize you aren't here



I never looked forward to dying
But here I am
And who knows if there is heaven
Or if I'll be reborn
And even then
You may not be with me
Maybe I'll wake up one day and it will all just be
dust dust dust
Whispered like a cute joke from the creator
That I need to wrap myself around for a while to understand

There is a gift in creators whisper
The dust that spirit blows every which way
And so I hold my hand out to the sunrise
Feeling the dawning warmth glisten and the birds echoe

And I try not to cling this time
Though I ache to hold something
Instead I try to know
That everywhere I go
And every sparkle and glimmer I see
Is this
dust dust dust
From every dancing tree and blooming rose bush
Every twinkle in an eye
And a heart bursting open
There is
Dust dust dust

I felt you
All around me this morning
So I let go
Of the dust to which I cling
Only to find  more
Dust dust dust
Like a reminder
That you
Are everywhere and in everything
Just as we all are never that far away.

I’m sick of this electric energy
sub ways and motorcars
crumby rain and distraught smiles
empty faces gloom
shadows lurch and hang in dead air
untouched is the love that has collected dust
fallen into the synthetic mist
racing  speeds
                           fast
                                     fast
                                                zoom
                                                              and then it ends…
I want that electric energy
To show its impurities
To become raw
To become real
***** braces and zit cream
backwards living and hand sanitizer
***** breast enlargements and diet pills
***** not smiling
Afraid to appear too forward
***** smiling because you’re afraid people will think you’re negative
Afraid…
Afraid of what?
Just hold onto yourself and do as you please
Simply  because you enjoy It, because it sparks you on fire igniting your passions
Feel the rain
Let it fall onto your skin
Free of products
Free your skin from these creations
Made by man
Man craving more and more
Greed and hunger
Do not feed that man
Let him
Embrace
The level he is at
Let him learn to feel satisfaction
And how it works in opposition
The more you feed the hungrier you get
Let that rain penetrate deep inside of you
Notice the nature
The beauty
Close your eyes
And stop
Nothing is anything
And nothing is everything
Don’t be locked in chains your whole life
Only you hold the key
Forget the ideas
That made you feel
Anything but yourself
And remember
The wisdom you gained from hardships
Negativity is a sinking boat
Hold onto that flying power with positive thoughts and creations
Let your spirit soar high racing through the clouds let you become you
And please
Forget
That electric energy

"Animals Share with Us the Privilege of Having a Soul"      
                                           -Pythagoras-


I've got a sonoran soul,
a wild cat soul,
a soul that lives for sunsets.
That runs with jagged teeth,
Until one corner of the Earth meets the next.

I've got a feirce soul,
A passionate soul,
A soul that howls,
until everyones been fed.

A red, red, red, orange, amber soul that Rips and Bites and loves so fiercly that often it hides away,

Just like Ernest Hemingway said:
" The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed."

But destroyed I am NoT,
I've got a soul that rOcks me, quAkes me, and shaKes me from my sleepy grave.
I've got a soul that doesn't give up,
I've got a strong soul,
a tigress, a sassy *****, a roaring stormin fire sista!!



And I've got a spirit...



A spirit that hums like a soft love bird, a spirit that loves to lie in backs of hippie vans and watch the sweet dangle of ornaments.
A spirit that listens, that wraps my arms around my chest,  a spirit that calmly braids my hair,
a spirit that washes me like the oceans tides that roll over vast sands to cleanse the gentle earth.

A spirit that caresses, soothes and nurtures. A spirit that lives for the sunrise, a spirit that coos as the day lifts over mama cedar.


So the soul lives for sunsets, the spirit for sunrise,
and I,

At the stillness of my core,

I live for the darkness
that happens between the two worlds.

Breaking water, diving in with my body, head first.
Rippling seams and leaving stitches unfinished.
I dive in to let the purity envelop me.
Cleanse me and my pores,
return me to where I started from.
Release me from wars, unopened doors I wished I turned.
Forget wounds of battle on my skin.
Open me.
Cut me open and leave me bleeding.
Let my blood sink into the earth until there is nothing left,
let me walk this earth for miles and miles, let me feel the pain in my lungs,
the hoarseness of my being escaping from my throat. 

 Let me build a moat around my princess castle and then tear it down. Lightning strike me and rip my particles, rip the matter from me like guns on glass. Crack me and tear me.
I will get up again.
I will rise.
And Let me Sing,
Sing 
sing
  sing
until my prayers are whispers.
Forest water, reflecting green, serenity. 

 I have dreams of black claws like raven glass closing in, scratching me bare.
Howling and deep long nails and witchy eyes cackling like the darkness overlapping. The demons within closing in.
I hide from light, unaware of how I’m blocking out love from my life.
Is it just a dream what my heart has seen?
 Now I walk like wind or stones in snow. I trudge along trying to remain strong when the forces pull and tear the ramshackle down to the ground.



I’ve been breathing and living, seeing so many things and it is this compilation of stories that warms my belly
yet it also tears my flesh.

The happiness is what breaks me.

Suspending the never-ending.
I am so close to the grave that I dug but I must keep walking past that linear line that I set for myself.
It is lines within circles. So many flows, I thought I chose the whole. Breathe. Pouring myself out into you. I wonder if I give and give it will fade into the soil and the bottle will empty. Melt like wax. Feed you and leave me. Is it releasing or is it unhealthy for me to give myself away?

I gave myself away.

I have strewn pieces of myself into everything I have touched but I am afraid that one day there will be nothing left.

Nothing left when finally I receive pieces of someone else.

"Excuse me," I would say "I'm not myself today" except that is a fools excuse, how obtuse, how can we not be ourselves, just being is being ourselves.

  The process of seeking deeper is breaking that boundary and that un-comfortableness.

Where did our love go? It existed between skin and bones. It was a facade or something else. I am not sure.

Not lust but colour, it was dewy green like steam from a coffee cup in the morning. Or the rain on the window pane while I slept in your arms and refrained from needing you too much,

It was in you're stride and the way you dressed in the morning it was in our hands when we held them or the way we danced together like two old lovers.

I cannot write about you without tears, write about your skin or your smile, and I am in a confined environment as I write this where such things are not acceptable. I am hiding on the paper,
escaping my heart.

I cried this morning because it was all too perfect.

I am cut open
perfectly imperferfect
I laugh at myself and this funny hole I am in.
Oh the pathetic-ness and the hilarity, when we slip in mud and are covered in filth
when we have nothing left but to cry and to laugh because we are crying because nothing in this world really matters or it matters all too much. Because I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t think anybody does.

We just muster our determination and passion, build up our bones, and we roll with it
Still there is an element of unpredictability no matter how routine we have gotten. No matter how far we have fallen
from our roots.

Excuse me for crying this morning, don’t worry I laughed it off after. I laughed because of life and laughed because I cried, and I cried because I love you.

And now I walk like wind or stones in snow. I trudge on with all my strength. Wisping like whispers caught from the ears of children and passing through the world. Cold like ice on swing sets and little hands clasping them. Red fingers, red noses. Snot on mittens and sharp pain. Winter.

I Wisp like wind in water. I crack like stones of sand and rock. I break like waves on the shores of life. I cry like the trees who fight. Howling to the moon. I open when you call me. I close when I’m falling.
I hide like children at night. I am under the streetlight, orange, alley cats in shadow homes and grey cement, dead rats, broken bones. My eyes are bare, sunken in the light. I suppose I should muster my might. Find peace beyond my fight.Take my fists from sunken floors and instead beat on unopened doors.
Escape distress.
I wish you saw
something more.
I
   wish
          that there was
                        something else.
                                                    =====》Speedi­ng on.====》

I am not an introvert,
Nor an extravert.
Not a boy,
nor a girl.
Not a this
Or a that.
Not a sloping number
Nor a climbing stat.

I am not
Green, Blue, Yellow, Red!
I am not defined
By pasts I have said

Perhaps I am a fairy
The next day, a butterfly

I am nothing and everything

Just orbiting here
Between Earth n Sky

No need to shape
This essence before me
I am what I am
And I'm not sorry. <3

Black wings shoot through the sky
1000 lifespans of smooth power
And then
The fall
Black wings cascade to the gritty cement
Feathers of darkness
Envelope
A solid body
Staggering forward
The orange lights stinginess crushing down
Reaching forward
Long nails clawing at smooth brick walls
Brick walls covered in **** and human filth
The wings climb forward
Reaching forward
Gripping the dusk
Holding onto the new day
Grasping the new feelings
The new concepts
The same world
The same body

Love is Fire
entrancing, Freeeeeee, WILD, Courageous
The dance of Passion blazing upwards
into the night
the
Smoldering Eyes
Magnificently Beam Bright

Love is Fire
but not just the flame,
Love is the wood,
to which makes the fire glow,
the burning pillars are
devoted walls to this holy temple
steadfast and strong
makes love so

Love is Fire,
but not just the burning,
Love is the glow of the embers.
When time has faded like a setting sun and
wrinkles mark themselves boldly upon this face,
what is left of us but the comforting glow of embers,
deep within our hearts?

Love is Fire,
but not just the flame,
not just the fuel which feeds the fire,
not just the embers glowing,
Love is the ashes.
Ashes immemorial, ashes which speak to the very same stardust of which our bones are comprised.
Love is Fire,
but not just the flame, nor the fuel, nor the remnant coals, nor is it the ashes,
Love is the dust.
The dust from which the ashes transform into.
This dust scatters freely to the wind,
ageless yet imbued with memories.
This ancient dust carries song of the heart in the wind,
Love is Fire, but not just the flame.

His wan smile folded at the creases. His crescent eyes closing from the gathering wrinkles. I studied his smile as he nodded his head in acceptance. We couldn’t understand each other’s languages but communication existed in many forms. His teeth were yellow and he smelled of fish, typical for a fisherman. His black hair was salted with white. The man tried a first to get me to understand him “Konnichiwa,” he said confidently. After seeing my confusion he did a little wave then stood smiling. What was it that had appealed to me so much about visiting a foreign country, where I wouldn’t be able to grasp anything? The whole time I was with my husband, Peter, I secretly imagined myself doing just this.  Peter’s voice would drone on and on and I realized I was a loner. I realized I didn’t want love, at least in the way I had always received it. I convinced myself of this, all through the divorce. But now, gazing into the kind eyes of the fisherman, my past thoughts melted. I didn’t want anything except to be myself. Something I couldn’t do or felt I couldn’t do for the longest time. Now here I was gazing into the kind warm eyes of the old fisherman, breathing in the smoky ocean, in a completely different environment yet more myself than ever before.

Where did that forgotten time go
She asks, curious
Staring deep like water
into my life of photos

And I wonder
How once I was just like her
Curious and free
Now a domesticated rose that rests still within a vase
Dust gathering in the petals,
She looks upon the marred photograph,

Time slips like a crescent moon upon the horizon,

Where did the wildflower of my heart go I wonder
She looks at me and sees herself,
I look into her and
I see myself.

And sometimes I wonder
What the ocean feels
When the snow has melted
Into the rivers which flow freely
Back to the ocean,
And if she greets them
Like the heart of a greiving parent
Holding their child for the first time
sinse many moons had passed.

And sometimes I wonder
if this is why the river sings
So beautifully on this journey home,
A silent knowing, a hope filled prayer.

Sometimes I wonder about how the ocean gives her love and life to help birth the rain and snow so the river may flow.

And sometimes I wonder
If my ancestors have touched this same water, how particles filled with ancient tales have formed clouds which burst over and over, each drop of rain carrying it's own unique story.

And sometimes I wonder about how many waters have been mixed over time and
how many Oceans have met.

This is the life blood which ties us together.

Sometimes I wonder what it means
To be woven with the same rhythms as the rhythms of this Earth.

And sometimes I wonder about
My own life and the changing tides,
how we give pieces of ourselves away, like how mothers give themselves to their children
And trust like the ocean.

-------------------------------------------------------------



­How long do we stuff our thighs

With evolutions lies

I watch on as another tower

Hits the skies

And I'm singing

the blues

excuse

me

for what do I know

But that your taking the land

Stopping seeds to grow

so you go

And build a supermall

So we can continue

To stuff our faces like pigs

That's evolution

We need to create jobs for the economy

So therefore we need to eat ****, use ****,

and cause children in poor countries ****

because we are so enslaved

to this system endoctrined within us

Engrained in an empty train

Of ******* ****.

We're a tribe of too many

Listening to some rat pack  

Who has no clue

What to do

why not freedom and trust

Wipe away the rust

That lingers on this falling world .

Who am I to know?

Of course there's more to it,

It's really quite complex

I don't know what's next

But I think it's time we stop living **** lies

Supermalls on the rise

And stop the poverty

Hello food sovereignty

Breathe Heather

Breathe....

...aaaahhhh....

I love you all,
Let's do this <3

"We´re all a little mad here" he says,
wide eyed, letting the words lip slither off his snippity snake tongue.
We smile and we laugh in unison.
In unison our heaves,
ins outs
match one another,
as belly moves,
up and down we synchronize,
ha-h-ha,
What does he mean?
how silly!
Then deep thought unlit
hide behind our bodies rocking chair movement
snip snapping hip
We´re all a little mad, are we not?
as ego wears a crimson feathered mask
and covers in gold to hide
the deep dark coal
secrets that slith and creep
like crocodiles,
sewer nights in paris,
smelly grotesque,
we hide.
"We´re all a little mad here" he says
as our bodies move in unison.
Our bodies move in unison.
In unison,
while echoes
tap my animal soul.

Giving your heart back to yourself
Isn't what one would expect,

Like a sea of flying butterflies, a bright cheery marriage to oneself celebrated with wine and fancy horodeurves.

It isn't
Fireworks and explosive love.

Giving your heart back to yourself after having given it away to the sea of the wild stormy world
Is a slow journey,
It is like watching one raindrop
Slide down the car door window
As You the passenger wait for something yet are found here
amongst the steady presence beating.

Giving your heart back
Is holding yourself unable to sleep at night, it is longing for your own arms, longing for your own kiss, nothing more intimate than this yet being unable to grasp the fullness, the wholeness.

Giving your heart back
is missing your family
It is wishing you listened when you felt something wasn't right.

It is missing your 5yr old self
It is pain
It is greiving

Giving your heart back to yourself is
Deep breaths and long stretches of silence.
It is comfort and desolate bike rides at sunset.
It is green and fertile,
It is warmth and big mugs of tea.
It is
Slow and delicious
like melting chocolate.
It is patience
And acceptance.
It is aching and laughter.
It is messy crying.
It is innocence
And maturity.

Giving your heart back to where it belongs is not fireworks, it is not a loud display of affection,
It is a delicate dance
Of dedication.

Giving your heart back to yourself
Is the long winded path you know you must take
And take alone,
it is the bow of commitment and the sigh of release.

Giving your heart back
To yourself
Is
The steady rythm that follows and hums with you gently
On this walk,
As you hold yourself
And slowly make your way home.

Giving your heart back to yourself
Is realizing
All of the scattered pieces
Have been in you all along.

I'll meet you here
In the heart of silence,

When Dusk has drunk his last sip of day
And nights slips in like a silken whisper,
A single flame to light the way.

When the frantic running catches up,
may you succumb.
When all is left
are desperate prayers
Sent to brazen skies,
may you listen.

I'll meet you here,
In the heart of silence.

We hold these bodies,
Unsure of what is us
Or what is the universe around us,
Dancing stardust.

And what do the ocean waves take
and what do they leave?
What is ours to hold
or to grieve?
To let go of,
or to retrieve?

Surrendered unto the
Wisdom of this Earth.

I'll meet you here in
the heart of silence,
The place
Where life rests her wary bones,
And truth reveals her gentle song,
Where wisdom and knowing slowly
wrap themselves around you,
the pulse flows soft and strong,

And all else falls away.

I'll meet you here
In the heart of silence,
When Dusk has drunk his last sip of day
And nights slips in like a silken whisper,
A single flame to light the way.
When the frantic running catches up,
may you succumb.
When all is left
are desperate prayers
Sent to brazen skies,
may you listen.
I'll meet you here,
In the heart of silence.
We hold these bodies,
Unsure of what is us
Or what is the universe around us,
Dancing stardust.
And what do the ocean waves take
and what do they leave?
What is ours to hold
or to grieve?
To let go of,
or to retrieve?
Surrendered unto the
Wisdom of this Earth.
I'll meet you here
in the heart of silence,
The place where life
rests her wary bones,
And truth reveals her gentle song,
Where wisdom and knowing slowly
wrap themselves around you to stay,
their pulse flows soft and strong,
And all else falls away.

Sometimes I seem to have forgotten
Of her body here
Beside me
Her
Warm honey *******
Supporting the sky
Her Silken Valleys
Breathing here in this now
Ever present
Always
In the stillness of the moment
I feel her
Amidst the moons soft glow
The peaceful glistening snow
Sparkling in pristine midnight
I've been lost time and again
Forgiven too many times
But here she is
Once more
Accepting my apologies
Breathing with me
Tender hearts grow
When left to stillness
I feel my own grief
As truth settles into my shoulders
The difficult choices
We are left to make
Her silent call is with me,
Her protection
Washing over me
As I lean into her
Learning
Time and time again
How to be with
All the awkard movements
The discomfort
Being human can sometimes bring
Worry seems to be in my heart often these days
But she is here
Listening quietly
I'm sorry
I love you
Please forgive me
For my humanness
But she just listens and accepts
For nothing could be wrong
Unless I'm lying to myself
Am I lying?
Once again
I'm questioning
If this is really meant to be
She just listens
Patiently
A mirror reflecting
As I move and grow
Through this body
These hands
This human
Through my incessant mind
Filled with questions
When my heart knows
The answers
She reminds me
To pause
And return to my breath
So I do
And I see her once again,
I am in awe
Of her spectacular beauty
Finding the wisdom
In her rolling hills
Finding the place
Far beyond my woes
Where Stillness speaks
And the glistening
forest grows.

It leaked into my skin
Sunken into my flesh,
and occupied
every nook,
It makes me shake
when I realize I still want it,
no matter how much of me
it took.

Mysterious nights
Wandering gypsy
Alleyways

A Chinese restaurant hucks hot water
Into darkness,
Steam curling into grey-orange skies


I imagine diners inside,
the cheery laughter and the loudness,
Someone else's life plays out in picturesque scenes.
while light mist falls outside, they sit inside, recalling old memories, warm fuzzy smiles,
Blurry images racing and rambling around in my brain.



I continue onward.



Crackle-painted doorways
Metal stairways
Prayer flags,
Hanging trinkets
Gypsy delights
Colorful this and that's,
And the occasional stretch of silence.



Full moon,
Black cat
Adventures.


At the crescent slip
I met a wrinkled woman
With a crow
On her shoulder.

I'm loving this rain.
Listening to it hit the tin roof of this wooden jungle home,
dreaming of the little grey island back home,
The familiar sleepy feeling found in all rain,
feeling it cast over houses,
dreaming of a scene where I am thinking
whether to put another log in the fire and snuggle back into bed beside a man,
a man I love
with three days of stubble on his face
And to just lie thinking about things.
Or whether to start a *** of coffee
or just keep sleeping until the sounds of silence,
of finished showers,
awake us.
I lie dreaming
of family,
of chickens and kindling, of sweet angel children
soflty sleeping with baby hands in little fists
and resting under little quilts.
I dream of witch hazel, good soap,
and claw foot baths,
of lush mossy rocks and strong red cedar, of rich abundent apple trees,
they too sleeping in the rain,
black gumboots and puddle green fields,
of forest walks, warm eggs and organic chai tea,
I dream
of the ocean in the rain,
or the city in the rain,
all the different umbrellas.
Everywhere cast under Mama Earths spells of comfort,
of big yawn sleepiness
that follows a morning like this.
Oh my,
oh me,
if I didn't have chores
I could lie forever like this.

I do wish to digress
from this chemical mess
that's taken hold of my sanity,
I've got an elevated gravity to spew out profanity,
I{m MAD at the cavity
that keeps the fear levels high and love levels low,
Needing to know dogma against dogma is just another battle,
so I sit on a rainbow saddle chasing sunsets with no purpose but to feel
Freedom
in my gut
to break away from the rut that keeps my ****
glued to the coach
How do I approach what I wish not to encroach?
Just trying to keep this boat afloat
Perhaps this is what it{s all about,
a divine plan to ruin sands let pain funnel through divine hands so that we learn once again what happens when we isolate ourselves from the truth of our hearts,
fallin apart, left in the burning embers,
a field of death because we failed to accept how easy it really is
or__
is this our chance...
to learn the souls dance
and rise up like the phoenix from the fire
wings fly up higher and higher
breaking away from unhealthy desire
We ARE
Earth Air Water Fire
I've got up from my bed, staring way too long at the ceiling, empty thoughts in my head, releasing attachments over words I once said
How do we resurrect from the death of a decaying society?
stop putting poisons in the sea,
listen to the birds and the bees~
We CAN do this
we are So Soo so
FREE
NOTHING
stopping me
as I open up to the divinity
Awake to the waking world
let spirit uncurl, unfurl, un-freaking-whirl
Hands in prayer, gratitude
to exude whatever I wish,
don{t worry mama, I follow the bliss
of my heart
I don{t know how, what, where or why
but I know when...
When??
This(!!!)
is the moment to start°°

When you get up and want to make the bed
when the voice from his head
is still humming in your ears
when your lulling
and dreaming
and being pulled softly by his touch
when your moaning and groaning
because you love him
much too much
And all these long winding echoes
of laughter so close
and so far
repeat in unison
over the spot in your heart
where he left that god awful scar.
And your speeding away
a million miles a minute,
your running
until you escape all the voices and noises
and you stop to catch your breath
and then the voices come back
you scream
you attack
you fall to your knees
beg them please
How did I get in this mess?
It's this empty chaos
this stupid game...
until you decide...
why refrain?
and so you sleep
and dream
and let it ALL stream
there's no denying the love
it just doesn't have to be
the way you make it seem
so you let yourself go,
you let him know,
you let it all flow
Attachment gone
Just love,
its simple enough
And now your jumping on pink skylines
and flying
a million miles
a minute
<3

I choose to go alone this time.

I choose to grind the rind,
off of my bones.

I choose to go deep this time.

I choose to sing and cry
the best words I have ever spoken,
to go broken
into this forest womb.

I choose to let the alcove of soul secrets
rip themselves from my gloom,
and be free to the wind.

I choose to shatter
the box of illusion
and listen
through echoes of time
to the deep dark woods.

I choose to fall
until I hear
the comforting call
of wolves wailing
wisdom to the moon.

I choose to listen
to the ancient sound,
reverberating harmoniously,
through the ground.

I choose to walk alone this time...
naked toe's
One trusting
step at a time.

I choose to go alone this time
so I can really listen
to where spirit
meets flesh,
where air meets breath,

and then I shall find
my true path home.