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Jan 2014 · 1.5k
Break Water
Heather Moon Jan 2014
Black crows fly above me in the sky. They fly like the wind on a whisper less winter day. They fly in the stream lights of sun, the crisp chill that makes people like chimneys, taking the heat of our internal being and freezing it into steam.

I recall Vancouver at this time, when flimsy white metal iron fences were too cold to touch; when I could see the ***** of frozen water on them, little ice drops. I remember that old Chinese lady, unusual to be a chain smoker but none the less. Outside in her plastic sandals from an Asian dollar store and her hands rubbing briskly as she smoked away. She was older, white haired even. She had some Chinese dolls, golden cats adorning the sides of her door and cement lions greeting faces at her gate.  Her house a “Vancouver special” with red shingled roofs and a flimsy little yard. The chilly morning smog of the city nestled in corners, lingered over sleepy buildings, settled into back doors of coffee shops or swept in a dance with a broom over the awakening shops doormats. Most ladies of the area gardened in their yards or I would catch them sweeping the water off of their back decks but she just sat all day, nothing more to do, just sat, smoking.

The Asian community in Vancouver is vast and big. Chinatown was a mystery to me when I was little. The dragons and fortune cookies, the rows of heads sloping down the hill into the city, the streetlights designed like black gum droplets, gazing at the passer-by’s. My little head opened wide as I held my father’s hand and got lost within the dizzying crowd of fantastic colour and pungent smells like fish or other scents of unknown origin. The unfamiliar language spitting off the tongues of faces I didn’t know. And finally the descent, the bus ride back, the warmth from the heater, warming my little hands that wrapped around a lychee fruit juice box and that golden sun gleaming through the city bus window and strutting on the sidewalks. I would watch the artsy people pass by on the streets, Mohawks, colours, art galleries, and also sophisticated gentlemen in suits or business woman in blazers and heels. Gazing out and seeing each person. Each house each building. Each human, living life so differently yet how similar they all were, we all are. I wonder if I was I just a crescent, a slip in the corners of these people’s eyes. Or perhaps they too recall a similar scene, and in that image within their minds there walks a little girl, ample with curiosity, lost in the wonder.

The crows laugh on electric lines, a time has passed and light drizzles begin to wash over, fogging lines of car windows, drizzling and spraying. The school bus home kind of rain, the one that stains cement and makes sing-song sounds as it drips down the gutters and drainpipes. The rain that makes the colour red pop out, the one that shivers hands and rests on pink cheeks. The crows laugh at my dreaming, as I sit in some old neighborhood leaning on a dumpy alleyways wooden garage door, stuck in some memory. Or rather they laugh because some woman is standing alone in the rain, getting drenched by nature’s eternal bath.
Dec 2013 · 1.2k
Sisters
Heather Moon Dec 2013
Silent Queen
You sit in your majestic tower
Of the tree house, your brown hair gleaming down
Your strength and integrity bound
So deeply within you
Never did I notice,
Apt to the silence of your manner,
How greatly you tried
Your effort denied
Silently.
It’s funny the way one can live
So within their own space
They forget
That interacting is also receiving
When we were young
I was the one to run
To climb the trees
Steal all the Popsicles from the freezer
Soil my hands and stain my shirts with blackberries
To be the teaser
And you would change my shirt, save me from a beating
Accept my ferocity
And wipe the blood from me
You weren’t the one
To fight away the demons
You were the one
To keep them at bay
With silent protests for a better day
When we got old
And wrinkled,
Just a little.
When I hid my face
And you did
Age with grace
I noticed then
How ample you were
How you held yourself
With a profound rooting
To the earth
How grounded
And stable you had been
And the regret washed through me of the times
I secretly was ashamed
Of the way you walked
And how dissonant I thought you were
And so at a party a group of us sat sipping wine
And mocking the time
Across the table I heard you laugh
And never did I notice your voice before
And I could see between the lines
You
As you
And me
As me
Afterwards I laughed
I cried
At my new realization
What a burden I was
To you
So wild
And carefree
But what struck me was
That you held me
Just Like I was still a little girl
And I was making a fool of myself
But Still
You shushed me to sleep
A grown woman
And right before I closed my eyes
a final tear
For good
You whispered
How jealous you were
Of my experimental whirl
Eating life in
Like sauce on my fingertips
And I told you how jealous I had been
Of the way you wore long skirts
And wrapped your arms to your chest
Always knowing what you wanted
No need to want more
To explore
And like two old witches
Or sisters
We laughed
Until the moon was gone
And the sunlight streamed through
Our cauldron
Bubbling to the brim
With the new strength found within
Rejoicing we found
We are each in the air
Yet solidly,
implanted on the ground.
Heather Moon Dec 2013
Breaking water, diving in with my body, head first.
Rippling seams and leaving stitches unfinished.
I dive in to let the purity envelop me.
Cleanse me and my pores,
return me to where I started from.
Release me from wars, unopened doors I wished I turned.
Forget wounds of battle on my skin.
Open me.
Cut me open and leave me bleeding.
Let my blood sink into the earth until there is nothing left,
let me walk this earth for miles and miles, let me feel the pain in my lungs,
the hoarseness of my being escaping from my throat. 

 Let me build a moat around my princess castle and then tear it down. Lightning strike me and rip my particles, rip the matter from me like guns on glass. Crack me and tear me.
I will get up again.
I will rise.
And Let me Sing,
Sing 
sing
  sing
until my prayers are whispers.
Forest water, reflecting green, serenity. 

 I have dreams of black claws like raven glass closing in, scratching me bare.
Howling and deep long nails and witchy eyes cackling like the darkness overlapping. The demons within closing in.
I hide from light, unaware of how I’m blocking out love from my life.
Is it just a dream what my heart has seen?
 Now I walk like wind or stones in snow. I trudge along trying to remain strong when the forces pull and tear the ramshackle down to the ground.



I’ve been breathing and living, seeing so many things and it is this compilation of stories that warms my belly
yet it also tears my flesh.

The happiness is what breaks me.

Suspending the never-ending.
I am so close to the grave that I dug but I must keep walking past that linear line that I set for myself.
It is lines within circles. So many flows, I thought I chose the whole. Breathe. Pouring myself out into you. I wonder if I give and give it will fade into the soil and the bottle will empty. Melt like wax. Feed you and leave me. Is it releasing or is it unhealthy for me to give myself away?

I gave myself away.

I have strewn pieces of myself into everything I have touched but I am afraid that one day there will be nothing left.

Nothing left when finally I receive pieces of someone else.

"Excuse me," I would say "I'm not myself today" except that is a fools excuse, how obtuse, how can we not be ourselves, just being is being ourselves.

  The process of seeking deeper is breaking that boundary and that un-comfortableness.

Where did our love go? It existed between skin and bones. It was a facade or something else. I am not sure.

Not lust but colour, it was dewy green like steam from a coffee cup in the morning. Or the rain on the window pane while I slept in your arms and refrained from needing you too much,

It was in you're stride and the way you dressed in the morning it was in our hands when we held them or the way we danced together like two old lovers.

I cannot write about you without tears, write about your skin or your smile, and I am in a confined environment as I write this where such things are not acceptable. I am hiding on the paper,
escaping my heart.

I cried this morning because it was all too perfect.

I am cut open
perfectly imperferfect
I laugh at myself and this funny hole I am in.
Oh the pathetic-ness and the hilarity, when we slip in mud and are covered in filth
when we have nothing left but to cry and to laugh because we are crying because nothing in this world really matters or it matters all too much. Because I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t think anybody does.

We just muster our determination and passion, build up our bones, and we roll with it
Still there is an element of unpredictability no matter how routine we have gotten. No matter how far we have fallen
from our roots.

Excuse me for crying this morning, don’t worry I laughed it off after. I laughed because of life and laughed because I cried, and I cried because I love you.

And now I walk like wind or stones in snow. I trudge on with all my strength. Wisping like whispers caught from the ears of children and passing through the world. Cold like ice on swing sets and little hands clasping them. Red fingers, red noses. Snot on mittens and sharp pain. Winter.

I Wisp like wind in water. I crack like stones of sand and rock. I break like waves on the shores of life. I cry like the trees who fight. Howling to the moon. I open when you call me. I close when I’m falling.
I hide like children at night. I am under the streetlight, orange, alley cats in shadow homes and grey cement, dead rats, broken bones. My eyes are bare, sunken in the light. I suppose I should muster my might. Find peace beyond my fight.Take my fists from sunken floors and instead beat on unopened doors.
Escape distress.
I wish you saw
something more.
I
   wish
          that there was
                        something else.
                                                    =====》Speedi­ng on.====》
Nov 2013 · 676
Poetry
Heather Moon Nov 2013
Poetry
like chocolate.
lingering on my breath
like a kiss
wanting more
to consume
indulge
roll around in it
soak it up
drink the juices
oozing out of the book
in my hands
in the late hours
after all the work is done
all the other work,
the one
that takes attention
and dedication
practice
after my routine
seems to have taken a  sigh
when I can finally breathe
guilt free
or guiltily?
as I revel
within the words
the temptations
the lucrative state is over
and now
I sit
and eat away
eat away the hours of the night
and lick the pointed tips of  my fingers
eagerly turning page upon page
the candle wick burns on
and the wax melts
curious and greedy eyes
I study the text before me
and melt like the candle
taking on the words
of others
washing myself
in the tears
that have streamed
down others cheeks
swimming in the ashes
of someone else’s fire.
Nov 2013 · 1.1k
don't smile, i love you
Heather Moon Nov 2013
I am twisting these
Words simply because of the intricacy
that can be held by muttering together letter after letter
The language formed
The communication
I was going to ask if you remembered that time, but I know better
You know
You remember
When the winds were blowing hard
And we were to go our separate ways
And there I was pounding my fists within my chest
Wailing out
How badly did the desire stained liquid quench feeling of lust want to escape
Built up inside of me
Dying to break out
To be fed
You knew it
You knew I loved you
You stood there
Waiting patiently
gallantly
No you wouldn’t interpose anything
And the little fists within me would keep beating and pounding too afraid to break the rhythm they had formed
You stood tall
It was winter I think
Or perhaps late fall
Definitely not early spring though
Because I know too well
The scent of spring
And the feeling
And the time didn’t match with that
Your eyes glimmered
Secrets within
I so smitten
So afraid to interpose upon you
So afraid
To stand tall
Not wanting to burst our friendship
With anything more
But the desire had become too much
Insatiable with a simple hug or smile
You stood there
Only waiting
Yet I didn’t know it then
And after the years
When it all clicked in
I remember your gallant way of standing
And even now
Sometimes you smile at me
You smile at the deeper root within me
You see the grounding connection between us
You feel it too
But you see my weaknesses
And without doubt
My fears as well
I wish I could show you my strength
Although I know you know
It exists
And rather mundane now
For the time for these thoughts has passed
And now they are just meaningless specks
On the image
Of our youth
And I know you know that I feel I have to prove it
And I know you know I know you know
That it is unnecessary
Sorry for my hesitancy
But that time of year has come again
The rain
The wind
The dividing factors
Pulling away at my skin
At my scarf
And I can ever so clearly remember the prudence
The day
And I realized
Perhaps
For just once
So I can fill my gut
With the fulfillment
That you know
How deep I go
So...
Please,
Don’t smile, I love you
Heather Moon Oct 2013
I always felt words didn’t fit, the emotions
My mother told me I was mistaken
when I spoke the sounds instead of the words
I tried to comply by rules
I couldn't
I told people that they were just a boundary and I didn’t follow limitations
They told me I was incorrect
That you must know the language and then you can "play" it your own way
you must live in the bubble
so that you can play what you want to
within the bubble.
except in the end
your still in the bubble
And I thought it was great
To learn and learn
To know many things
And I thought it was great
That we are on this earth
And that these things exist
And there’s so much to pursue
But sometimes the words didn’t match the emotions
And I didn’t want to be misplaced
I didn’t want to be lost
but its hard
when lost
is their word for found
I controlled my reality
yet never did I puncture
that bubble
I conformed to the limitations
I forgot the memory I once had
Of the eagle
Flying way, way up
And I forgot the dream I had
The feeling
Of free
I was in a paralysis
Of numb
I followed the system
I swallowed the drugs,
That made me feel anything
But human
Blind to the integrity
Only the warmth
Over me
Like bread from the oven
I surrendered to it
Some how it felt like I had ***’d my pants and my mother was telling me it was okay because I was wearing a diaper
And I lulled in this feeling
Feeling like I was that age again

When is it time to awake from that state?

At first I was hesitant
To swallow what society said would make me normal
only because I knew better
except
My mother told me
It was so I could be nice and normal,

So I would stop having these feelings.


These feelings of freedom?


And the man on TV said
Over and over
America is a free country
And I was spoon fed the lies
To mute
To catch the part of me falling out of my drooling mouth
The part of me that stood up,
The one that knew its rights
The one that cried with all its soul
The one that smiled like the fresh sun over a mountain top
The one that felt
Really felt
Drooling to the floor
I was a zombie
“Free” he said
With a thin layer of fire in his eyes
And for a moment I saw beyond that layer
I saw the universe within him
I saw all of his impurities
And all of his beauty
I saw how before bed,
He would grasp for breath the same way he was doing now
take off his slippers
And crinkle the sheets of the mattress
Beside the wife he never truly loved
Except for some high school dream
Of normalcy that chained him
To the bed he now lies in every night
I saw
The wrinkles by his eyes
How he to, would accept it
He would let nature take him over
Though he might not understand it
Like a beast
He was fighting to live within this world he was stuck in
The world I was stuck in
This plastic paradigm
As we repress the animal in us.

His human qualities
breaking out of him
sputtering
for some answer
to the questions that lacked the meaning
He was on the border of breaking out
But was too clouded
With stupidity
The actual government watching behind the scenes
Letting him play
And checking every now and then
The invisible safety net
On the borders
Of existence
The man would laugh
If he was to actually be free
he would see it as a joke
He didn't see he was fighting himself
He was like those
That never believed the world was round
The ones
That believed woman would never get the vote
And so it’s taken different shapes
And those men now laugh at the men of the past
But what differs between them
Because I know I’m not free
Do you? Mr. TV man, do you?
And you cry it out
Sing it to the world
But something behind your eye lingers
Some sort of a lost boy
And I can see for a second there
That you question it too
You question the words you’re spinning into substance
You see for a split second
How far removed you are from the earth
Living in some concrete castle that man has created
Away from all the luxuries of a free world,
Only the numbing ones
The ones that wash away the soul with a gentle wipe
So with a sleeve I removed the drool
I turned off the TV
I walked out of the house
and I left
Because
The train tracks that led me here
Didn’t hold anything
But weakness
And I know my heart
And I know
I
myself
know
You’re not free
If you have to hear it from a man on TV
Oct 2013 · 812
The Moons Child
Heather Moon Oct 2013
The Moons Child**
She sweeps the world
Like an old broom in a dusty corridor
If you slow your pace and take a breath
You will see
Her smile is anything but empty
Her emotions glimmer through her eyes
Like light filtering through glass
The Suns child radiates the light from every pore
She takes the warmth and shines like a diamond
The Moon’s child is cold and crushed
Serene and still
Yet she has such honest serenity
A patient understanding
She holds her ivory hand
To her heart then crosses her arms
Across her sweet chest
She smiles with reason
Her eyes are wide
She can feel the Earth
But she is the Ocean
The Moon’s child is deep and blue
To understand her you must seek deeper
For she exists in me
And she exists in you

— The End —