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Heather Moon Jan 2014
When I tell my story I want it to be beautiful.
I want people to smile, or cry.
When I tell my story I want to weave in all of life’s intricacies. I want to include each moment building up to one another.
When I tell my story I want to cherish the words from within me, to let the words delicately dance over my heart before they escape my petal lips, I want to hold the words one more time to my earthen chest, like a warm towel, freshly dried, like a baby at my breast,
I want one last time holding onto myself, my words.
One last time before I release my weaving's.
Before crest fallen mountain tops, before ravens and eagles, before lucid dreams, and crinkled papers, I want to remember the gentle touch, the soft warmth gliding over me, falling off of the words,
to remember the imprint on my heart, not the words but the feelings.

Once I tell my story, like an old grandmother around a fire, singing out the soul’s song, tapping out the rhythms with the heel of aged shoes,
once I tell my sacred blessings, tell of how the moons tide washed me, rippled blood into my pores, across sands my feet walked deserts, how I was once the suns child and once the moons, now a child of the earth, the universe.
Once I spit out the words, once I sing and cry them out, once I escape my body and these memories holding me here, once all of that is told, is when I’ll be free. it will be at the hour the sun hits the horizon, when the fire truly blazes before it dies, it will be that moment, precious sacred airs,
tears and rips from our eyes water
because life is so beautiful,
simple but diffcult
it is then
that I’ll be free.
Heather Moon Jan 2014
I was there when you were
Washing the tides of moon dust
in your paint speckled pants
Hitting the high beams of the football structure.
I was there in that autumn breeze
while you tossed everything you knew
into the air
Pigskin soaring over metal framework
The empty field
in some city outskirts
I watched on by the red berries,
the holly tree,
my scarf waiting around my neck for some hands to tug it,
make me drop my school books at my sides
I fell  rapidly,
you intrigued me.
I stayed to watch you
Use all your might
Watch how you grasped the world
And  watched how you threw yourself
and every speckle that danced within your heart and any mark
upon your white canvas into the millions of space particles before you.
Putting your soul into that little oval ball
By yourself
A fetch game
With no dog to retrieve the loose end
But you
Holding the air.
Heather Moon Jan 2014
Black crows fly above me in the sky. They fly like the wind on a whisper less winter day. They fly in the stream lights of sun, the crisp chill that makes people like chimneys, taking the heat of our internal being and freezing it into steam.

I recall Vancouver at this time, when flimsy white metal iron fences were too cold to touch; when I could see the ***** of frozen water on them, little ice drops. I remember that old Chinese lady, unusual to be a chain smoker but none the less. Outside in her plastic sandals from an Asian dollar store and her hands rubbing briskly as she smoked away. She was older, white haired even. She had some Chinese dolls, golden cats adorning the sides of her door and cement lions greeting faces at her gate.  Her house a “Vancouver special” with red shingled roofs and a flimsy little yard. The chilly morning smog of the city nestled in corners, lingered over sleepy buildings, settled into back doors of coffee shops or swept in a dance with a broom over the awakening shops doormats. Most ladies of the area gardened in their yards or I would catch them sweeping the water off of their back decks but she just sat all day, nothing more to do, just sat, smoking.

The Asian community in Vancouver is vast and big. Chinatown was a mystery to me when I was little. The dragons and fortune cookies, the rows of heads sloping down the hill into the city, the streetlights designed like black gum droplets, gazing at the passer-by’s. My little head opened wide as I held my father’s hand and got lost within the dizzying crowd of fantastic colour and pungent smells like fish or other scents of unknown origin. The unfamiliar language spitting off the tongues of faces I didn’t know. And finally the descent, the bus ride back, the warmth from the heater, warming my little hands that wrapped around a lychee fruit juice box and that golden sun gleaming through the city bus window and strutting on the sidewalks. I would watch the artsy people pass by on the streets, Mohawks, colours, art galleries, and also sophisticated gentlemen in suits or business woman in blazers and heels. Gazing out and seeing each person. Each house each building. Each human, living life so differently yet how similar they all were, we all are. I wonder if I was I just a crescent, a slip in the corners of these people’s eyes. Or perhaps they too recall a similar scene, and in that image within their minds there walks a little girl, ample with curiosity, lost in the wonder.

The crows laugh on electric lines, a time has passed and light drizzles begin to wash over, fogging lines of car windows, drizzling and spraying. The school bus home kind of rain, the one that stains cement and makes sing-song sounds as it drips down the gutters and drainpipes. The rain that makes the colour red pop out, the one that shivers hands and rests on pink cheeks. The crows laugh at my dreaming, as I sit in some old neighborhood leaning on a dumpy alleyways wooden garage door, stuck in some memory. Or rather they laugh because some woman is standing alone in the rain, getting drenched by nature’s eternal bath.
Heather Moon Dec 2013
Silent Queen
You sit in your majestic tower
Of the tree house, your brown hair gleaming down
Your strength and integrity bound
So deeply within you
Never did I notice,
Apt to the silence of your manner,
How greatly you tried
Your effort denied
Silently.
It’s funny the way one can live
So within their own space
They forget
That interacting is also receiving
When we were young
I was the one to run
To climb the trees
Steal all the Popsicles from the freezer
Soil my hands and stain my shirts with blackberries
To be the teaser
And you would change my shirt, save me from a beating
Accept my ferocity
And wipe the blood from me
You weren’t the one
To fight away the demons
You were the one
To keep them at bay
With silent protests for a better day
When we got old
And wrinkled,
Just a little.
When I hid my face
And you did
Age with grace
I noticed then
How ample you were
How you held yourself
With a profound rooting
To the earth
How grounded
And stable you had been
And the regret washed through me of the times
I secretly was ashamed
Of the way you walked
And how dissonant I thought you were
And so at a party a group of us sat sipping wine
And mocking the time
Across the table I heard you laugh
And never did I notice your voice before
And I could see between the lines
You
As you
And me
As me
Afterwards I laughed
I cried
At my new realization
What a burden I was
To you
So wild
And carefree
But what struck me was
That you held me
Just Like I was still a little girl
And I was making a fool of myself
But Still
You shushed me to sleep
A grown woman
And right before I closed my eyes
a final tear
For good
You whispered
How jealous you were
Of my experimental whirl
Eating life in
Like sauce on my fingertips
And I told you how jealous I had been
Of the way you wore long skirts
And wrapped your arms to your chest
Always knowing what you wanted
No need to want more
To explore
And like two old witches
Or sisters
We laughed
Until the moon was gone
And the sunlight streamed through
Our cauldron
Bubbling to the brim
With the new strength found within
Rejoicing we found
We are each in the air
Yet solidly,
implanted on the ground.
Heather Moon Dec 2013
Breaking water, diving in with my body, head first.
Rippling seams and leaving stitches unfinished.
I dive in to let the purity envelop me.
Cleanse me and my pores,
return me to where I started from.
Release me from wars, unopened doors I wished I turned.
Forget wounds of battle on my skin.
Open me.
Cut me open and leave me bleeding.
Let my blood sink into the earth until there is nothing left,
let me walk this earth for miles and miles, let me feel the pain in my lungs,
the hoarseness of my being escaping from my throat. 

 Let me build a moat around my princess castle and then tear it down. Lightning strike me and rip my particles, rip the matter from me like guns on glass. Crack me and tear me.
I will get up again.
I will rise.
And Let me Sing,
Sing 
sing
  sing
until my prayers are whispers.
Forest water, reflecting green, serenity. 

 I have dreams of black claws like raven glass closing in, scratching me bare.
Howling and deep long nails and witchy eyes cackling like the darkness overlapping. The demons within closing in.
I hide from light, unaware of how I’m blocking out love from my life.
Is it just a dream what my heart has seen?
 Now I walk like wind or stones in snow. I trudge along trying to remain strong when the forces pull and tear the ramshackle down to the ground.



I’ve been breathing and living, seeing so many things and it is this compilation of stories that warms my belly
yet it also tears my flesh.

The happiness is what breaks me.

Suspending the never-ending.
I am so close to the grave that I dug but I must keep walking past that linear line that I set for myself.
It is lines within circles. So many flows, I thought I chose the whole. Breathe. Pouring myself out into you. I wonder if I give and give it will fade into the soil and the bottle will empty. Melt like wax. Feed you and leave me. Is it releasing or is it unhealthy for me to give myself away?

I gave myself away.

I have strewn pieces of myself into everything I have touched but I am afraid that one day there will be nothing left.

Nothing left when finally I receive pieces of someone else.

"Excuse me," I would say "I'm not myself today" except that is a fools excuse, how obtuse, how can we not be ourselves, just being is being ourselves.

  The process of seeking deeper is breaking that boundary and that un-comfortableness.

Where did our love go? It existed between skin and bones. It was a facade or something else. I am not sure.

Not lust but colour, it was dewy green like steam from a coffee cup in the morning. Or the rain on the window pane while I slept in your arms and refrained from needing you too much,

It was in you're stride and the way you dressed in the morning it was in our hands when we held them or the way we danced together like two old lovers.

I cannot write about you without tears, write about your skin or your smile, and I am in a confined environment as I write this where such things are not acceptable. I am hiding on the paper,
escaping my heart.

I cried this morning because it was all too perfect.

I am cut open
perfectly imperferfect
I laugh at myself and this funny hole I am in.
Oh the pathetic-ness and the hilarity, when we slip in mud and are covered in filth
when we have nothing left but to cry and to laugh because we are crying because nothing in this world really matters or it matters all too much. Because I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t think anybody does.

We just muster our determination and passion, build up our bones, and we roll with it
Still there is an element of unpredictability no matter how routine we have gotten. No matter how far we have fallen
from our roots.

Excuse me for crying this morning, don’t worry I laughed it off after. I laughed because of life and laughed because I cried, and I cried because I love you.

And now I walk like wind or stones in snow. I trudge on with all my strength. Wisping like whispers caught from the ears of children and passing through the world. Cold like ice on swing sets and little hands clasping them. Red fingers, red noses. Snot on mittens and sharp pain. Winter.

I Wisp like wind in water. I crack like stones of sand and rock. I break like waves on the shores of life. I cry like the trees who fight. Howling to the moon. I open when you call me. I close when I’m falling.
I hide like children at night. I am under the streetlight, orange, alley cats in shadow homes and grey cement, dead rats, broken bones. My eyes are bare, sunken in the light. I suppose I should muster my might. Find peace beyond my fight.Take my fists from sunken floors and instead beat on unopened doors.
Escape distress.
I wish you saw
something more.
I
   wish
          that there was
                        something else.
                                                    =====》Speedi­ng on.====》
Heather Moon Nov 2013
Poetry
like chocolate.
lingering on my breath
like a kiss
wanting more
to consume
indulge
roll around in it
soak it up
drink the juices
oozing out of the book
in my hands
in the late hours
after all the work is done
all the other work,
the one
that takes attention
and dedication
practice
after my routine
seems to have taken a  sigh
when I can finally breathe
guilt free
or guiltily?
as I revel
within the words
the temptations
the lucrative state is over
and now
I sit
and eat away
eat away the hours of the night
and lick the pointed tips of  my fingers
eagerly turning page upon page
the candle wick burns on
and the wax melts
curious and greedy eyes
I study the text before me
and melt like the candle
taking on the words
of others
washing myself
in the tears
that have streamed
down others cheeks
swimming in the ashes
of someone else’s fire.
Heather Moon Nov 2013
I am twisting these
Words simply because of the intricacy
that can be held by muttering together letter after letter
The language formed
The communication
I was going to ask if you remembered that time, but I know better
You know
You remember
When the winds were blowing hard
And we were to go our separate ways
And there I was pounding my fists within my chest
Wailing out
How badly did the desire stained liquid quench feeling of lust want to escape
Built up inside of me
Dying to break out
To be fed
You knew it
You knew I loved you
You stood there
Waiting patiently
gallantly
No you wouldn’t interpose anything
And the little fists within me would keep beating and pounding too afraid to break the rhythm they had formed
You stood tall
It was winter I think
Or perhaps late fall
Definitely not early spring though
Because I know too well
The scent of spring
And the feeling
And the time didn’t match with that
Your eyes glimmered
Secrets within
I so smitten
So afraid to interpose upon you
So afraid
To stand tall
Not wanting to burst our friendship
With anything more
But the desire had become too much
Insatiable with a simple hug or smile
You stood there
Only waiting
Yet I didn’t know it then
And after the years
When it all clicked in
I remember your gallant way of standing
And even now
Sometimes you smile at me
You smile at the deeper root within me
You see the grounding connection between us
You feel it too
But you see my weaknesses
And without doubt
My fears as well
I wish I could show you my strength
Although I know you know
It exists
And rather mundane now
For the time for these thoughts has passed
And now they are just meaningless specks
On the image
Of our youth
And I know you know that I feel I have to prove it
And I know you know I know you know
That it is unnecessary
Sorry for my hesitancy
But that time of year has come again
The rain
The wind
The dividing factors
Pulling away at my skin
At my scarf
And I can ever so clearly remember the prudence
The day
And I realized
Perhaps
For just once
So I can fill my gut
With the fulfillment
That you know
How deep I go
So...
Please,
Don’t smile, I love you
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