I always felt words didn’t fit, the emotions
My mother told me I was mistaken
when I spoke the sounds instead of the words
I tried to comply by rules
I couldn't
I told people that they were just a boundary and I didn’t follow limitations
They told me I was incorrect
That you must know the language and then you can "play" it your own way
you must live in the bubble
so that you can play what you want to
within the bubble.
except in the end
your still in the bubble
And I thought it was great
To learn and learn
To know many things
And I thought it was great
That we are on this earth
And that these things exist
And there’s so much to pursue
But sometimes the words didn’t match the emotions
And I didn’t want to be misplaced
I didn’t want to be lost
but its hard
when lost
is their word for found
I controlled my reality
yet never did I puncture
that bubble
I conformed to the limitations
I forgot the memory I once had
Of the eagle
Flying way, way up
And I forgot the dream I had
The feeling
Of free
I was in a paralysis
Of numb
I followed the system
I swallowed the drugs,
That made me feel anything
But human
Blind to the integrity
Only the warmth
Over me
Like bread from the oven
I surrendered to it
Some how it felt like I had ***’d my pants and my mother was telling me it was okay because I was wearing a diaper
And I lulled in this feeling
Feeling like I was that age again
When is it time to awake from that state?
At first I was hesitant
To swallow what society said would make me normal
only because I knew better
except
My mother told me
It was so I could be nice and normal,
So I would stop having these feelings.
These feelings of freedom?
And the man on TV said
Over and over
America is a free country
And I was spoon fed the lies
To mute
To catch the part of me falling out of my drooling mouth
The part of me that stood up,
The one that knew its rights
The one that cried with all its soul
The one that smiled like the fresh sun over a mountain top
The one that felt
Really felt
Drooling to the floor
I was a zombie
“Free” he said
With a thin layer of fire in his eyes
And for a moment I saw beyond that layer
I saw the universe within him
I saw all of his impurities
And all of his beauty
I saw how before bed,
He would grasp for breath the same way he was doing now
take off his slippers
And crinkle the sheets of the mattress
Beside the wife he never truly loved
Except for some high school dream
Of normalcy that chained him
To the bed he now lies in every night
I saw
The wrinkles by his eyes
How he to, would accept it
He would let nature take him over
Though he might not understand it
Like a beast
He was fighting to live within this world he was stuck in
The world I was stuck in
This plastic paradigm
As we repress the animal in us.
His human qualities
breaking out of him
sputtering
for some answer
to the questions that lacked the meaning
He was on the border of breaking out
But was too clouded
With stupidity
The actual government watching behind the scenes
Letting him play
And checking every now and then
The invisible safety net
On the borders
Of existence
The man would laugh
If he was to actually be free
he would see it as a joke
He didn't see he was fighting himself
He was like those
That never believed the world was round
The ones
That believed woman would never get the vote
And so it’s taken different shapes
And those men now laugh at the men of the past
But what differs between them
Because I know I’m not free
Do you? Mr. TV man, do you?
And you cry it out
Sing it to the world
But something behind your eye lingers
Some sort of a lost boy
And I can see for a second there
That you question it too
You question the words you’re spinning into substance
You see for a split second
How far removed you are from the earth
Living in some concrete castle that man has created
Away from all the luxuries of a free world,
Only the numbing ones
The ones that wash away the soul with a gentle wipe
So with a sleeve I removed the drool
I turned off the TV
I walked out of the house
and I left
Because
The train tracks that led me here
Didn’t hold anything
But weakness
And I know my heart
And I know
I
myself
know
You’re not free
If you have to hear it from a man on TV