you were my best friend
until you met a boy that you fell in love with.
5 years of lovely friendship
poured down the drain
as if it was *toxic.

i dont know if this is for me,
expressing my mind in words,
i mean,
it takes alot off my mind,
but it also brings back alot of the past
that was dreadfully hard to forget,
it gets yourself out of todays society
which is great,
i dont want my only friend to be a piece of paper,
and a pen.

my mind is filled with horror thoughts,
and things i should have said.
writing is a trap for me,
it'll soon be the death of me.
for now ill sit here and suffer
in the paradise i tried to create,
the paradise i love,
a paradise i never want to leave,
consisting with
piles of paper,
escaped ink,
and a mind running off its own thoughts.

she loves to speak in front of crowds,
to amuse the peoples throw,
everything's been different,
since her mind has left home.

maybe it's the way he makes me feel
or how he always crosses my mind  
maybe it's the way he can make me laugh or even make me cry.
he has the power to make me happy
but the curse to burn my heart.
none of the negative affects me
because
we promised we'll never be split apart.
a promise is a promise
and for him that I'll always keep.

a person can get so connected
you know
when they're your sun
your moon
your stars.
it's impossible to image him not being there years in the future.

to me it's the way he's shy but yet again not at all  
every little thing about him makes me melt.
it starts to increase my fall.
his personality gives me goosebumps.
his smile makes my life.
he's literally a dream come true.

the thing that kills me inside
as if a demon went on strike,
is
he's 610.062
miles
away.
but I love him more
than he'll ever know.

one day
I'll find out a way to burn
my feelings.
until then
I'll keep playing
with fire.

no one will be there for you as much as you'll be there for yourself.
hard to believe?
I understand.
sometimes I feel like no one is there for me and it's gets overwhelming because it gets to the point were I don't even want to be there for myself anymore.
it's sad.
"we're just here to help"
best thing to hear.
until it gets to the point where that's all you're hearing.
I can help myself.
I'm my own person.
I was given a brain,
a heart,
bones,
a body to live in so I can help myself.
but it starts to concave.
it's bitter.
bones feel like jelly.
feel like you've lost your mind.
body you were given starts to feel like a curse.

you know,
think past all that *******.
have you ever just stopped and thought of the good things, the great things in life?
I bet not.
like your dog.
your cat.
or even just simply putting a smile on someone's face.
everyone complains about how horrible or hard their life is.
well if you think of how greatful you are.
maybe everyone would become happier.
and this society wouldn't be such a **** hole.

I find love an amazing thing.
yet it hurts,
it's draining,  
***** with your brain
and sends you mixed signals
signals where you don't know if they're
a laugh of joy
or a cry for help.
you find out everything about them
yet you still want to find out more.
you feel it's absolutely necessary for you to know more only because your heart tells you you can never know to much of someone.
it's the sparkle in their eye.
the amazing butterflies
that just clutter you stomach.
the way you can spend so much time just getting ready for something for that someone when at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you look like because the only thing that makes them
fall in love with you
is your personality.
love is a special thing,
it's hard to find
but easy to know when it comes.
it's the rush, the spark that just appears in your lonely heart that makes you
addicted,
compulsively just want more
of the excitement that no other living thing
can satisfy you with.
maybe this just happens in movies
or plays
or even the cliche songs that give you a vivid image.
but if is real
and happens to me.
I hope it never ends.