I remembered
I promised you a poem,
In fact one a day for our love-
There's a problem though,
I can't seem to get them out:

   Because your presence
   Is like a million words,
   A thesaurus sitting right
   Next to me,
   And what you are to me
   When you are with me is an
   Eternal sonnet.
   But when I tried I began to
   Understand something that brings
   My understanding of us clearer,
   That we are the same in separate
   Places, in the same solitude
   Without knowing each other's
   Pain or fatigue.
   That we are both not people,
   But the wind freed in our selves,
   A gale freed from the conventional
   And we become a sudden verse,
   Nostalgic and naive,
   Stubbornly young and hopeful,
   There in that place,
   When we are together,
   I cannot write the poem
   That has not yet finished
   Being written.

let my seeds push through the crevices of entrenched doubts

let my stems poke at the cobwebs of rusted assumptions

let my thorns sting back at the chill of raw honesties

let my petals conceal me like the kisses of ambiguous flattery

let my branches bridge me across the creek of negelcted assurances

& let my roots hold me down, in the soil of what is certain

Cleanse the palette
Out all the toxins
Write it out
Dance it out
Sit and wallow it out
I white out things that are changing
Create ink where there are new plans
But today, I just wanna sit in my bed and be productive.

Its been a time.
11 months is the score
This time last year I fretted and waited for answers
I don't wait for answers anymore.

I hit a point of running the cash register
Pouring soups, delivering food
Where I saw the flashes and images
Of you with your newness in my mind
I felt so angry, so betrayed
And it makes me want to scream at the heavens
At them all
I have done nothing but date pigs.

The sun seems to peeking from under the clouds now
But my insides still feel the same remorse.

You blended into the wall paper
Of what you thought I wanted, needed
Our mothers said you longed to be of the same caliber
I can't believe I let you back into my bed
So many ******* times.

I long and whistle and wait for the summer time
I'll be just my own
But can't help and remember stolen traffic cones
Or how adventurously handsome you seemed
And portrayed yourself to be
As you replace, replace, replace
Step and repeat, rinse me away
A swamp of faces telling me how much I mean
But surrounding your deceit and immature ways
Because of ******* history.
And like a hooded ***** witch
I cast knowing spells, my hands in the air

You will all be torn apart in time
You will all have to go your own way as clocks tick by
This cult, fraternity that you sit upon
Filled with lies, cheating, backstabbing
It will all fall.

But I send my love and well to do kisses.


I HATE myself for falling for it.
I hate myself for not listening to warnings
I hate myself for believing you were unique
I hate myself for giving you a chance again and again
I hate myself for wanting so much
From someone who could give so little
Somedays I soar
Somedays I grieve so deeply
Somedays I hate you and hate you and hate you
And somedays
None of the poetry or the character you played
To rope me in
Matters at all.

You are just like a brick wall.

But now there is a barrier
A barrier in which you have attempted to replace, erase
Me, this time last week I had such a huge kick in my step
My body painted with fresh coats of paint
I drank so much whiskey until I couldn't feel anymore
But I was too drunk to reach you.

Thank God.

Because you are unreachable
I wish I didn't feel pain anymore
And I mostly have been so good, so alive, so radiant
But today, today
I wanted to shake you and hate you
And I do from afar.

Time to write it out in more blue ink
I cancel plans because I want my own company
I'm ready for change
A new comforter, new sheets, new chest of drawers
A little place we can play in our cobwebs of art and poetry
Its too bad yet another one had to be a disappointment.

Lost love
Abandoned love
Lying love
Deceptive love
I wonder if you replay the image of my face on the train
When I decided to fully push you away.

**** it.
**** it all.
What an unlady like thing for me to say
I wanna be the best
I wanna be the most popular
I wanna be the most successful

But I put my cross down of giving and hurting
I nod at the sunshine peeking out from the clouds
All my poems seem to come full circle
And end with me picking and lifting myself
Back out of the rabbit hole
I'm all I really got.

If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn’t a lie,
Life would be delight,—
But things couldn’t go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn’t be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I’d be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn’t be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,—
Yet they’d all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn’t be we.

Humanity i love you
because you would rather black the boots of
success than enquire whose soul dangles from his
watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both

parties and because you
unflinchingly applaud all
songs containing the words country home and
mother when sung at the old howard

Humanity i love you because
when you’re hard up you pawn your
intelligence to buy a drink and when
you’re flush pride keeps

you from the pawn shop and
because you are continually committing
nuisances but more
especially in your own house

Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it’s there and sitting down

on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity

i hate you