I could use some help here
Left to my own devices
You know it’s hard to breathe by myself
The pressure weighing down on my chest
This cruel ******* world
Suffocating me

Have faith they say
Life will reward you some sweet, bright day
What will it be of me
When God just seems to hate the very core of my being
Maybe it’s because I’m not a believer
But all I can see is ******* misery
Why is it that some
Seem to just bathe in his light
Every step of the way

I feel sick
So afraid and
The aching pain just doesn’t go away
As every day passes I lose hope
Of ever becoming anything
Worthwhile in this world
Why would you do this God?
Strip me of all happiness and dig out my intestines
You left me alone with a never ending suffering
In a shell, my soul floated away
Why would you leave me here, when I’m better off
Dead

Black hair like a ripped, jagged silk curtain
Cascading down her back, twisted spirals
Like snakes growing out from her vile mind
Succubus
She has no heart,
And she feeds on your flesh;
Drinks your blood, bathing herself in your death
Your last attempt to overpower her
Dried on her Ivory, hard skin
Patterns of clotted blood
Puddles of crimson dripping down
Underneath the floorboards, her body awash with it
The beast, with piercing silver eyes
So beautiful as the moon,
Succubus;
She has no Heart

Sometimes I wish I could hear voices
Maybe then I wouldn't feel so lonely
My inability could be written off
As sickness
I'd be a pathetic mess, as I am now
Only, then I'd have an excuse

I could live my life blissfully unaware
Of the outside world
All demands upon me would be erased
I'd die haunted and controlled
But happily submissive
Too lost, too dumb
To know anything better

I've never felt
But I'll tell you how it feels
Her hips will sway, his eyes will undress
He will sip his drink, she will ******
Muster up the courage to ask for a dance
**** eyes
She will touch, but he will touch more
Moving with the beat, hands will roam
He went too far, she redirected
Not now she says; the night is too young
Love and passion will grow, if only for one night
It will feel real, their eyes will question
And they will lean in closer
Lips will collide, heat and *** will ensue
It will end in the dark of night
With naked bodies in synthesis
Two lovers, entangled in the sheets

The pain [that comes with living]
So intense it can’t be described, hoping it will go away
This feeling of being unfulfilled and good for nothing
The pressure is immense
Emptiness and lack of colour
This world is grey, and I am without experience

I can understand
Why people fade away and turn into non-entities
Society forcing us to conform
We are all without identities
Simply follow those who scream the loudest
But what of those that prefer to live in silence
I will not be victim
Of pathetic peer-pressure violence

I belong with those who dare to defy
Not afraid of consequence
We stand by what we believe in
Until the day that I die
I will stay true and pure
No fake smiles, nothing sugar-coated
No pretend
This life I will endure
To the very end

Arms held up high
I’m handcuffed, chains attached to the ceiling
Whiplash
You’re such a tease
Moaning, embracing the pain
You know exactly which buttons to push
Blindfolded
There’s nowhere to hide
You have me trapped
I trust you
Cutting and carving, whispering seductively in my ear
Gasping,
Begging for more
Please, please, please
Blood running down my naked torso
Touching me lightly as a feather, I push body against yours
Longing for closeness I’m not receiving
Whiplash
I am to be punished for my mistakes
Release me

Midnight and fullmoon once again
My eyes open after a good-days sleep
I thirst for evil fluids
In hell with the devils wings
I can already feel the heat from the blood in your veins,
As I rise to the surfice

Lock me in a room and chain me to the wall
Nothing can stop me
Come closer and I'll give you the kiss of death
And eternal life
Become one of me
For you know what I am and what I do
Come to the dark side of life,
And you will no longer have to run from me
You'll be chasing the victims
Come to me and we'll die together
Me Am Vampire

She faces choice
She wants to be who she was
The torment isn’t gone, she expected it to
Evaporate, over time
Time has passed, and it still resides inside
There is one way out
She wants to **** it all away

Sharp objects, broken mirrors
A hatred of self-identity,
Hate her, Scar her, Erase her
White, ****** flesh, covered in sickly red lines
Carve, cut and bleed
This will erase
All pain

The blade, slowly ripping through
Digging down deeper, exposing that which sleeps;
Within, it pours out of her
The blood cleansing, she slips away
Euphoric, she is the creator
Of her very own
Catharsis

I am a Failure
I feel guilty
I'm ******* stupid
Making me sick
Always anxious
Really sorry
Full of regret
I carry hatred
Can't take this
Much longer
I wish I had freedom
Never ending pressure
I can't do nothing right
Fighting a losing battle
Against myself
So scared, so tired
****
I want to die

This is for you
Infatuation
It’s all for you
The first time I laid eyes on you
I was yours

You fascinated me, and I wanted you badly
Your body just made me crave you in ten different ways
My feelings I couldn’t understand
You confused me
But I couldn’t keep away

Your touch was like ecstasy
And you made my mind go fuzzy
My heart skipped a beat and my breath hitched in my throat
Every single time you looked at me
With gorgeous emerald eyes

The way you seemed so unattainable made me
Want you even more
And I loved how you didn’t give a ****
About anything
And the way you inhaled/exhaled cigarette smoke
When you were frustrated, turned me on

Nothing else mattered
But you and I, and they were oh-so-jealous
There was love, and deep, profound connection
And you are all I ever wanted
You make me complete

The darkness it follows me
Hiding in the shadows
And every time I think I can see it clearly
It changes form; morphs into something else
Whispering in my ear, creating torment
Placing images in my mind
******* with my head

Darkness is intricate
It’s laced up in everything around me
My head is spinning, I cannot see with clarity
I feel myself going insane
Repeating the same behavior over and over
I’m well and truly damaged

There is no light here, only darkness
I am filled with voices;
Singing me to sleep
I’m so deep in despair I can’t cry for my pain
Darkness is within my body, as is a small shard of light
******* with my head
But I’m just so blind
I cannot hope to be repaired

I ****** the idea, of your lips and hips against my own
Your tall slender frame covering me,
The tips of you soft brown hair brushing against my skin
And the tip of your tongue as it parts my lips
And we kiss
You brushed my hair away, held me through the night

Long slim fingers stroking and caressing
The softest lips breaking away to kiss my neck
Right there…
Your breath on my skin, hands firmly on my hips
And those eyes of yours; that unique shade of brown;
They tell me everything I love about you

The tip of your tongue parting my lips
As we kiss,
Breaking the kiss, moving the softest of lips
With the faintest sound of your loving,
Words only for me to hear
Mon amour, Je t’aime

Lips and hips and the tip of your tongue
Parting my lips
As we kiss
You brushed my hair away, held me through the night

You’re broken
Left alone at the side of the road
She walks up and down that busy street
Hoping to get some cash tonight
Someone stops, someone drives by
Pretending I’m not here
Filthy, sticky old men
They’re the only ones desperate enough
To take service from someone like me
A *****, get down on your knees
Skimpy outfits
Knee-highs, Stay-ups and short leather skirts
Smeared make-up and faked *******
I’m trash
Disposable *** toy
At your service
**** me, pay me and leave me there to bleed
She’s got her eyes open wide
Laying down in the dark corner of the alley
After a hard nights work
I’m hoping it will end

When I peel off all the layers of my being,
I find my core, and therein
I miss you; I’m lonely, and sad
And bleeding, stagnated in time
I stopped moving the very day you left me
And here I am, three years later,
Still feeling the keen sting of losing you

Everything withered, it died,
Without you I died, they say that time heals
I don’t believe in it, time simply passes
And we find ways of masking the pain, denying it
Fourteen days without your voice and I’m falling apart
And even when you’re here, you never stay long enough
To see how much I miss you,

And every day I think of you, every day I mourn
I wish you could see me now, because tomorrow I won’t feel the same
Tomorrow all my layers will be back in place, and my core will be hidden,
So deep I’ll barely know where it is myself,
Next time I’ll see you we’ll still be strangers, and I will smile at you,
Because every second matters, yet every moment is the same as previous ones
Every time repeats itself, and we are stuck, stagnated
And then, before we get deep enough, you have to go,

Every time we put fake smiles on our faces to conceal the pain,
I wonder, do you hurt the way I do, did losing me
Shatter you, because the day you left me,
I shattered into a thousand pieces, and now I’m scattered all over the floor,
Unable to be glued back together again,
Unable to be the same as I once was,

You tore out a piece of my heart
I always knew I wouldn’t survive losing you,
Long before you ever left me.

I am Silence
You were pushed
Too far
Gradually fading into the background
How can she speak,
When she was never spoken to
And I hate you so much; Mr Silence

I am Self Hatred
You make feeble, pathetic attempts
At expression
It all comes out wrong, left misunderstood
She feels tense, unable to choke out a single word
As if she was gagged, tied down
And looked down upon
She feels you inside of her; Mr. Self Hatred

You all have her submissive
Enslaved, she is so tightly bound
She screams, it's no use
You have made her mute
Beat me, hit me, torture me
I'm broken down as far as I can go
She crawled on the floor, stepped on, spat at
She was worthless
We are one now; Mr. Worthless

Black and crimson
Leather and lace
Broken mirrors and slit wrists
There is nothing to hide behind
She’s poisoned;
From the inside out

Black and crimson
Whips and chains
There is nothing there to shield her
She’s beaten;
By her own fists

Black and crimson
Pain and suffering
Problems do have solutions
Black, for the bruises covering her mangled body
Crimson, for the blood
Spilling out of her head

I found him
Shooting up on ******, and making art with his
Blood-filled needles;
He was beautiful,

I wish I was in the midst of Albion where you roam the streets
With crumbs of rock hiding in the lining of your jacket,
Cigarettes and romance embodies you and I’m too weak to not find you
Alluring, Chains and guitar strings around your neck
Imprisoned as the starved poet you are
Oh, I think I love every fiber of your being

I met him down in Albion
In the black swan where he bought me a drink
And we shared cigarettes whilst reciting,
Old French poetry, I wished I knew
What he was thinking as he stared off into the distance
With his black hat on askew,
Covering his brown, jagged and beautiful hair
He was much taller than most I’d ever met,
And I loved the feeling of his arm over my shoulder
His slim frame surely protecting me,
From the dangers only to be found
Down in Albion

You whisper to each other
I watch with curious eyes
You see, at four you just don’t think that way
I shall sleep here I exclaim
In a flash the innocence is gone, the fun and games are replaced
You left me with shame
Pinned me down, covered my mouth
It’s two against one here
And I’m just a girl

The memories have become blurred and fuzzy
Little fragments of truth seep through
And yes, I am sure it is real
It’s something I’ve never spoken of
Something so secret and riddled with shame
But I wasn’t to blame

Pulled my stockings down, trying to scream
You covered my mouth
Trying to escape, wiggle my way free of your grasp
You pinned me down
I have denied, and questioned
Would you call it as it is?
Had it been now it would have been a different matter
But you see, at four you just don’t think that way

Your blue eyes illuminated by the morning sun is a sight I won’t soon forget
Don’t hurt yourself, you said
“You’re too good for that”
How is a sharp blade creating scars any different
Than what you put me through
Text, kiss, ****, touch, adore
I promised you I wouldn’t
But all I want to do without you
Is destroy myself

Night came over the day
Moon shone upon us
Intoxicated haze, people and cigarettes
Red lipstick kisses on your cheek
***** and numbers exchanged
I knew I was being reckless

See me, you said
Kiss me, you said
**** me, you said
Don’t leave any traces, you said
No evidence of my touch
I’m your *****, I thought

Sunday evening turns into Monday morning
The most beautiful morning of my life
Your blue eyes illuminated by the morning sun is a sight I won’t soon forget
That was the last time I saw you
That was the morning I kissed you goodbye

It’s a machine to keep me breathing,
The steady beating of it reflects the chaos in my mind
It hisses, my lungs constrict
Trapping the air inside, and then.
It pushes the air out, forcing me to exhale,
You see, I can’t breathe by myself  

It beats, steady like my heart;
That too is under control
I can’t trust myself so I put myself in here,
Encased in wires, metal and electricity
I am not my own person, I’m too weak
Too weak to function, too scared to be

Life-support takes on a whole new meaning,
It’s my fragile mind that craves physical help
I’m so tired, I can’t even exist without
Constant guidance, my android lives,
So that I don’t have to

Inhale/Exhale
Nicotine being ****** into my lungs
Polluting my body
Soot; licking my tongue and throat
Stupid brain being tricked, thinking it's getting oxygen
It doesn't know I'm feeding it poison
You don't realize till the nausea kicks in
Ha! Too late now
You're already under my spell

Slipping into euphoria
Suddenly you don't even care
About the damage
Being done
30 seconds in, eight hours out
Poor kidneys and liver working overtime tonight as well
You never give them a break

Ash being successively disposed of
Not much left of ****** white now
One last disgusting drag
You secretely hate the flavour
Feeling relaxed and satisfied

I'll agrressively **** the light
And step on what's left of my
Suicide stick
Before walking right back inside
Smelling like a walking ashtray

You awaken desire
It’s a hunger longing for closeness
If unrequited, it’s a hurt
Every moment is frozen in time
Every second with you
Matters

You awaken desire
Your handsome bone structure I long to trace
I could lose myself in you,
And your cold grey eyes
Your strong arms; holding me
Tight

You awaken desire
A stolen kiss, hands intertwined
Your shirt ripped from your body;
Reveals a sacred heart, trust and
Blood seeping through the scratches;
I caused down your,
Naked back

I’m freezing; the frost ever so slightly,
Touching my naked flesh
Crystal diamonds of snow glittering
As far as I can see
I can’t feel anything; losing sense of touch
And tears are turning to ice on my blushing cheeks

It’s all an illusion, there’s no sense of time
I’m just falling, yet there’s no ground to hit
I’m stuck in my frozen haven
My body shutting itself down, stopping all the defenses
Left are all the secrets; growing out of me
Breaking through my skin, like a rose,
Digging through the asphalt

The ice and snow; so cold it burns
My skin is the palest white, riddled with lavender
I will always be here
Contained inside my pain
It’s searing my flesh, yet keeping my outsides,
Perfectly pristine
I’ll linger here;
In my eternal winter

There’s a weight on my chest
And I can’t breathe again
There’s a cloud hanging over me
And I can’t see
The light is being ****** into my vortex of depression
And I feel as if there’s no future
If misery is the only time I can feel
Then I wish my life could fast-forward to the day
That I hit ******, and finally take things into my own hands

Could you give me a piece of rope?
So that I can hang myself
And die
I’d rather not be at all if this is all life has for me
Would you mind buying me some drugs?
So that I can forget about all the mistakes I made
If I’m really lucky I might overdose
Wouldn’t you all like that?

This empty isn’t what I had in mind
I’m sure the solitude in death is better
After all I’m just the dark spot in your life
The unwanted stain on your perfect new outfit
I pushed myself so far I ended up forgetting who I was
And I’m so sick and tired of my existence
That I’ll cut myself to smithereens, just for something to do

I’m just a worthless piece of meat
If I ate grass
Maybe you could make a fine meal out of me
Dismembered and abused
Naked and humiliated
I’d hit rock bottom,
Served up on your plate for dinner
And you’d all enjoy every delicious
Minute of it

I'm in a dangerous state of mind
Still feeling the cluster of pain inside me
I continue to feel the empty
Stripped down to my bare essentials;
I can't tell you what I have left

It's still hard to breathe
The weight on my lungs forever lingering
And I can't help but to revert back to my old ways
The bloodthirst is making its precense known
Yet again

Why do the good memories fade
While the bad ones become more profound
Overwhelming me with such intense hurt,
riddled with anxiety
I can't cope
It seeps its way through, right down to the bone
It has entirely consumed me
Why won't it let go,
Of its chokehold around my neck
This pain
Is asphyxiating
Me

I can feel it building up inside me
It’s an animal fighting its way out
Trapped inside the cage of my chest
Ripping at my insides, clawing at my intestines
Biting me, I feel the force of it; he sends tremors through my body

The tears will start bleeding down my face, it’s hurting me
The first evidence of internal turmoil
I will break down, fall to my knees, and cover my face
There’s a hole in my chest
I’m bleeding out

A gut-wrenching scream will spill out of me
I’m falling apart at the seams, they all know it now
I cannot hide, bones are breaking; he’s tearing me to smithereens
From the inside out
Who is the monster which sleeps within me
I try to speak, but words won’t be spoken
They are blind, I don’t matter
I wish I knew
How to die, or better yet;
*******

You know she wants it always
The thirst for blood she cannot clench
For the moon no longer holds her sway
A someone may cross her path
And she cannot hope to contain the monster within
For the urge is too great to resist

It will swoon her, consume her, and she will become it
A savage; an entity entirely controlled by pure instinct
A whiff of this and that
And before you know it; fangs will grow
And piercing blue eyes will be clouded
By the certainty of death

She lives for the chase, the hunt
Her pray so fragile, so vulnerable
It's almost sad; she will crush them
Drink them, eat them, forget them
The taste of red liquid metal has her infatuated
And it is all she is now,
For the moon no longer holds her sway

Silence
Trees swaying in the wind so softly
I’m in a broken home
A part of a broken family
That was
Before
I can’t leave this all behind
You whisper in my ear so softly
Your voice calms me down
I want you here
With me
Alone
I feel the pain
So far away
I’m not here
No more
I want to go
I want to leave
But I can’t leave this all behind

Laying down in my place of rest
I’m bleeding, by my own hand
The moon; she bathes me in her light
As if to heal the scars
Inflicted

I’m falling into a slumber
My strength fading, by my own will
The sea; it embraces me in its safe haven
Lulling me to sleep, even deeper
As if to soothe the mistakes
Committed

I’m losing sight
My abused body is closing down, this is my sin
The fire; ferociously thriving for me
Stealing my last oxygen
As if to keep me warm and shed some light
Through my cold and black journey
Into death

She likes to hurt me
And I'm ashamed to admit that I can't
Stop her
Sometimes she'll lock me up for hours
The ability to communicate
Erased
I try to get help, pleading; begging on hands and knees
But they can't see
Because they're just like
She

She'll grab a sharp object and cut me
Ripping, tearing holes right through me
She'll make me hurt real bad
For the sake of her pleasure
I have to carry around all this hate
Because she wants it, always
It's exhausting

Everytime she sees my reflection in
The mirror
She'll make me bleed water through my eyes
She's never satisfied
I'm never good enough

It’s so beautiful
You’re so honest
Up front and straight to the point
A slight shade of shame colours your face
But it’s uncalled for, we’ll love you anyhow
Infatuation, you’re so handsome
Mysterious and shy yet completely open
You scrape your sole out
Leaving the contents for the world to see
We scared you away
Retreating further into your halo
He’s broken and fixed at the same time
A deeper understanding, the remains of a dark past
You helped me in every way possible
Brought me comfort in my darkest hour
He’s always there for me
You shut me out and left me confused
But I know now, you had to go
It’s in your nature, you’ll return one day
We’ll love you anyhow
Infatuation, you’re so handsome
I forgot to tell you
How much I love you

Nothing can make this better
Nothing can make this go away
I’ve got the truth staring me right in the eyes
He’s got his hands crushing the last shard of my soul
I’m shaking from the pain; it brings me down to the floor
Tears staining my eyes
Is this my final demise?

You have brought me down
And every time I have climbed back up
But this was all I had left; this was all you had left to break
You demean me, and you turn my pain into nothing
It doesn’t faze you, you’re laughing in my face
Whilst I’m breaking down, for the last time
I hate you for this

Disarray
You’ve created disarray in my mind
Split my thoughts in two
On the one hand;
Your kiss, melting smile, adoring eyes
On the other hand;
I’m nothing more than your *****
My thoughts; my mind
Everything spinning back and forth
******* with my head
Disarray

A very deep impression on me you have made
I am someone you ignore
Steal quick glances my way, you just don’t see me
Her, Someone, Something
You, the stranger; mean more to me than you should

I’ll be a shadow, a protector
Your small, fragile frame
I wish I could be the one to embrace you
Help you heal the scars, the way I healed my own
I am you
I’m just one chapter behind

Different, yet we’re still the same
Honestly, I would do anything you asked of me
If you would just question
I’ll stay invisible for you, let’s face it
I am Nothing, No one, Anybody
The stranger; but I could’ve been someone

I'm on my way to destruction
It's dark
Cover me in ice
They don't care
You can have me
Take me
I'm on my way
I hope you're coming too
1 2 3 4
She walks with death in her eyes
1 2 3 4
Her head is spinning with all the butterflies
Dying
Dear Destruction
Cover me in ice
Sick Sick Sick
Take this hurt
Stitch me up and leave a scar
It's eating me up inside
Dear destruction
Cover me in ice
I want to divorce hurt
Leave me with a scar
Cover me in ice
1 2 3 4
I hope you're coming too

I just want to be beautiful
Slipping back into depression
I want to see myself in the mirror
Loving the reflection
I feel the pain again
Self loathing isn’t pretty
Criticism
Don’t you think I know all my faults and inadequacies?
I see them and live with them everyday
Disapproving voices in my head
All the others are perfection visually
At least in my eyes
That same question repeated over and over in my mind
Why me?
Trapped in a vicious place where I hate myself
I don’t know how to break the habit
I just want to be beautiful
Slipping back into depression
I want to see myself in the mirror
Loving the reflection
I feel the pain again
Self loathing isn’t pretty

I try so hard to find the light
But there's a blackout in my mind
Every day starts and ends the same
I'm getting sick of the repetition

The shards of glass stuck in my heart
Are aching, with every beat it gets worse
I try to rip them out and they dig in deeper
I'm getting sick of this fruitless life
It's made up solely of suffering

I'm pinned down, the hooks embedded in my skin
Keeping me down on the ground
I'm being stepped on, like putrid meat
All of my strength is gone
It was wasted in my feeble attempts to rise again
Blood, brusises and eyes clouded with tears
This is my place in the world
Down on the ground;
Drowning in my pain

I will be a bundle of nerves
A ****** mess on the floor
Consumed by anxiety
Streaky, matted hair in a disarray
And a little death around my eyes

The sound of your voice
The imaginary touch of your hand
Pulling me through
Holding me tight all through the lonesome night
Touching my soul
Keeping me warm

I'll carve and cut and sever (my ties)
Blood spilling out of me, clotting in my black carpet
I'll hurt myself, just like you
To **** the pain, I will maim
To **** my disdain and for ever
Remember your name

Blinded by the night
I know how alcohol lies
But I’m saddened because
I can’t for the life of me remember the colour of his eyes,
Oh the ties
I’m tied down by the events
Of last night
And now you are nowhere in sight

I wish so much that I knew your name
This hopeless longing to turn back time
And alter the hands of fate,
I would go back to that date
Of New Year’s Eve
Knowing I’ll never see you again is driving me insane
I wish I’d never let you leave

Falling out of line
I’m losing my focus, I used to be good
Now I’m not even a fraction of what I used to be
Something is badly wrong with me
It needs to come out, but it’s sealed and buried within

Losing my touch
I can’t feel, all the good is gone
I’m a mess, without the ability to know what’s wrong
I can’t define it, I don’t know
All I want to do is break down
All I want to do is hurt myself

Things are bad now, I feel numb
When things were worse, I was better
I knew that which was hurting me
I want to go back to then; I knew who I was
I feel nothing; I want to make me worse
Hurt me more, make me know what I feel
I want to bleed

A simple cry for help;
Unheard
Tears falling in silence,
Before my eyes, years flashed by
You know, I thought you went away
And yet here you stand,
On the doorstep of my mind

Perhaps you are fictitious,
I could will you away,
Except I already tried, you remained
Still able to strike me down,
After five hundred times down this road
You'd think I've learnt my lesson,
But I keep ending up here

I can't say where this is coming from,
I don't know what it is I'm trying to portray
A writer with no point of view,
Only trying to put the same emotion,
Into a thousand different words,
Was that fictitous enough to **** you away?

I lay down with a heavy heart
My skin stretching across my hip
My right hip, cut up and bloodied
Scratches and scars reminiscent of the pain I felt
My skin stretches across my hip as I lay down with a heavy heart
I sigh and realize this is the price to pay
The price I pay to still be alive
But barely living
You know, whatever that can be done to get through the day
Even if that means laying down with a heavy heart at the end of the day
With bright red cuts on my pale white skin.
Anything to get through the day

I can feel you inside me
Over me, around me
Beside me
My body isn’t mine anymore
I can feel you inside me
Over me, around me
Beside me
Your touch left traces
I remember it all
My body isn’t mine anymore
It’s yours
I can feel you inside me
Over me, around me
Beside me
Can you carry the weight of my soul?
Can I carry the weight of yours?

Pain, Pain, Pain
You left me
All alone
To fight for myself
And everyday I miss you
You built up
Another life for yourself
Taking the easy, coward's way out
Without a single thought abnout what you left behind
You just threw it all away
Controlled by your fear

Hurt, Hurt, Hurt
So much *******
And I have to pretend that I'm
Happy
Because I love you
I secretely hate your new life
And I just wish I could turn back time
To fix your mistake
This isn't how things should have gone
So I compose myself, put a fake smile on my face
And quietly listen to her BS
And I don't have the courage to get mad at you
I don't have the strength to tell you the truth

I love you so much
But I'm a stranger to you
Give me a silent hug
But ignore the screaming wall between us
I love you
But you no longer know me
Maybe you never did


[Please daddy heal the aching pain inside my heart before it's too late, before everything is lost forever]

Liar
I remember that day as if it were yesterday
Pretending I was broken
When in fact I was doing okay
Writing childish wishes on blank ****** paper
Tempting fate
Something I would come to regret later

Months flew by fast
Before I knew it my wish had slowly became true
It progressed and got worse; the dark hole I was digging grew
I realized then this was not what I wanted
How long is it going to last?

Taking this pent up feeling out on my self
It was going to take it all away
Memories becoming foggy
There goes my old self left to decay
Mistakes imprinted on my body

Don’t tell me that you care
You know as well as I it’s my own fault that I’m here
A dream turned into a nightmare
I’m living a lie
Erase the fear
Please just let this broken soul die

Am I supposed to get a little bit braver
A little bit deeper
A little bit closer
Each time
So that in the end
I’ll find a shard of my soul
In you
A little piece I never knew was there
You don’t even know
How much you scare me
But the thought of you leaving me
Scares me infinitely more

A soul I used to know has left this earth
Left is a void
An empty spot in the universe, someone who was
Life, vivid energy, laughter and expression
All gone; with the dying of this soul

Life was hard, life was rough
It was filled with complication
But she was tough
I never knew her, it was just
A shock; death in close proximity

So let’s not let the memory evanesce
I will remember the shock of death
And I will simply keep in mind; the memory of her existence
Someone who used to be
I just feel the need, to not let it evanesce
So this goes out to you;
Ode to her

I wake up to thoughts of you
Fragments of our last encounter
Replays over and over in my mind
So distant as if it were a dream
The things you said
The things I failed to say
I need to know you
But I don’t know where to begin
I fall asleep to thoughts of you

He wants my body, he wants my soul
I can’t stand to lose control
Maybe he will crush me and leave me to bleed
I can’t stand to be deceived
Won’t believe the words he has spoken
I’m not strong enough to be broken
Can I trust you?
Can I trust you in this?

I saw Death yesterday
He stared me right in the eyes, tightening his grip around his soul
Tearing it from his body,
He couldn’t breathe, his wheezing still etched in my mind
His frail, broken down body; the very last thing to give out
I clutched his hand, but he couldn’t respond, his skin was so soft
Death was laughing in our faces and wrenching our hearts
And tears filled our eyes, he uttered sounds and struggled with his arms
As if trying to fight back, as if trying to see us one last time;
Before death drained him dry and claimed him
And the pain, he hurt, and we hurt
And I remember wishing I could heal him, fix him somehow
But Death had already been there to sedate him, maybe he was allowed one last dream
Before he slipped away, we took his hand, and I whispered Goodbye,
Through my tears, and I hurt so bad, for them
Those left behind,  
Death came and took him seconds after we left him,
We turned pale and sad, and an empty spread through me
Like an intravenous frost in my veins, I couldn’t feel
Anything but the sadness, Death did his deed,
And I said Goodbye,
Goodbye my friend