I am
A swan
Swimming in a ***** pond
I'll never fly free
Past the plushly leaved trees
Just watch a beautiful reflection
Die with a murky deception

It rained on my birthday
You would have known if you came
Such a grim day
But i couldn't complain
The clouds in the sky looked especially gray
So, i decided to run away
And dispose of all of my pain on the way

It's been a long time.
You still look good.
The house is still the same.
The carpet still has that one juice stain
And the picture frame still tilts at that weird angle

I feel old.
But i'm really just a part of the stupid youth
Looking for something that is never found.
How have you been?
I really did miss you.
I just had some growing up to do.

The night is young
But I'll sleep it's loneliness away
Because tomorrow will really only be just another day
Although for the first time in a while
You'll be here so i'll wake with a smile.

Have you ever wondered why birds fly away?
They take off in a hurry when i come near
But today i care not for their cowardly ways
I'll pursue the cat instead

He's a heartbreak
A death that lives on
And replays, still stabbing me
Right in that same spot

He's reality yet a dream
A dream that slips and fades
Even before my fingers tickle it's tangled up secrets
And my heart gets ****** in by his imaginary love

The way everything he is,
Makes me go "What if?"
What if he... What if that...
But What If's are impossible
They're just wishes
That can never be granted

And us
We will never be
Because he's a heartbreaker
And he has broken me

I want to let beautiful words
Escape my lips
And stick with your heart
So you know my love
Because to me it's quite clear
And i know my heart beats for you
But you can't hear it
Although it's quite hard not to

I've made myself now paper thin
To match my heart
Which is being torn apart
So won't you take it
And fill the spaces
Maybe then ours will both beat
At similar paces

We are the weak ones
Kicked around, misunderstood
I'm just the girl
With desperate written all over her
And you're the boy
With your heart pinned to your sleeve
Collecting wishes for your jar of remorse and looking for self-esteem

Every day it's getting harder to keep fitting in
I'm looking into the house i'm supposedly living in
Being shut out
Kept out
Do you really not want me?
What if i disappeared, then you'd truly be sorry

And i could cry
Yeah, but what would that do?
That's just for suckers with broken dreams that won't ever come true

I'll always be to blame
Please, oh please, don't ever change
My life is hard but you're the one thing that always keeps me sane

Every heart has a path
One on which it will get lost
And very confused
It'll get scratched by the thorns
And cold from the strong wind
But if you're one in a million
And there are 7 million here
There are 6 others like you
And they're all lost too

What is love?
What's it about?
Is it about security?
Lust?
Pity?
Desire?
I think it's something you don't know
Until it finds you
And then you still won't understand
Because you'll be too busy being consumed by it
And the lovely feelings will engulf your soul

There's gotta be one person out there
Who truly cares for me
Even if they don't know just yet
Because i can feel them weep when i'm hurt
And laugh at my jokes that are never funny
He holds me when i need someone strong
And keeps me warm when i'm cold
When the world turns it's back on me
He grabs my hand
And makes me touch the sky
Just for a little
So i can see the bright side

He's not looking for me
Nor am i for him
But i see him in the twinkling of the distant city
Just outside my nighttime window
We'll live there together one day
With beautiful babies
That have beautiful smiles
And eyes of diamond

That's what love is
To me.

Do you remember tomorrow?
We've lived this before.
Above the earth
Beyond the stars.
The ****** scars and burning tears.
The pain that controlled my heart and the lust that took over yours.
Destroying the atmosphere and breaking all boundaries.
Do you not recall the day we haven't lived?
This experience we've been through several times.
The tingle from your touch and the heartache from when i feel it no longer.
Your voice and my laugh.
Your smile that makes me blush.
The feeling of your heat and being able to hear you despite all the noise.
Tomorrow, its not today or yesterday.
Do you remember?
You have to. I do.

He is a beautiful day
Bottled in a beautiful soul

With a smile that makes the gray sky blue
And deep hazel eyes that feel like sunshine on my cloudiest days

When i'm around him, i just feel like rain
Pessimistic and forever in his way

Out of all the people i know
I've known you for the shortest time
3 years, i believe
But i have no friend closer to my heart
And i tell you everything
We used to be the tightest knot
On your navy blue high-tops

Then you got a boyfriend
Which is cool, i've got one too
But i think our shoelace came untied
Because i barely see you anymore
Plus theres always a clique of girls
Following you nonstop, everywhere
They never let me talk to you
And glare at me when i get near

We've only got 6 more months here
If we don't move on together,
They could be our last forever
We're not even sure to be separated
Yet i feel like the shoe is already off
And you see it, laying on the black top
Then turn and keep going

Basically
What i'm trying to say
Is that i just really want you to stay

Lets take some time, just you and me
Sit under our broken tree
To breathe the air that was poisoned
And pick flowers that have wilted
Our muffled words still go unspoken

I am the pale rose
I am rebellious
I shall not wilt during winter
But i'll nap all through spring

I am in no mood to be upset
No, not the time
I've got far too much crap on my mind

There are the tests and the troubles
My best friend is becoming distant
My thesis essays are stacked in mountains

My mother is a horrible woman
Better than my father
Dead, i'm glad

The view from my window is getting old
I like how it looks in the twinkling city
Distant and blurry
But i know its there

The world is an annoyance
I think i'll leave mine
Maybe find a better one
Far the f*ck away from here

Where do we go?
What do we do?
Sometimes were pink
Others times are blue
Sorry if this poem gives you a bore
But of course my intentions were to make you snore

I'm blind
Metaphorically speaking
I can feel but i can't see
Well, what do you see?
You say it many times
Theres something ahead of me
Something great, something grand
I, I alone in this world
I fell from so high
And now i don't know if i can see
Or if this is all just an allusion
You see, i hit my head
Rather ******* something i couldn't make out
Probably reality
It ****** me back in
Keeping the blood i'd lost and leaving me lightheaded
Now everything is blurry
Yesterday and tomorrow are the same
Today never even happened
And i can't see your face
Those eyes, that smile, those lips
I'm blind

Sarah grew up alone.
With no siblings
Distant parents
And no one to call her own

So she birthed a baby
A beautiful baby
With blue eyes
And no regret to her name

She grew up
And despised her mother
When she spoke
"I hate you"
Were the few words she choked out

Sarah laughed
A sad, self deprecating laugh
And said, with a smile and half,

"I had no one
I was on my own
So i decided to have you
And raise you ti'll you were grown
But you've come to resent me
And i don't know why
The child i birthed for love
Was a waste of my time"

I don't have a beginning
But i know the next part isn't it
So listen to my words
It'll only take a bit

Now, i'll admit my life isn't that great
Sometimes i gotta shake the Magic 8 Ball ti'll i get my ideal fate

The future is blurry
Misfortune waiting at the gate
I just don't know how long it's gonna take

For my life to tip off balance
Because my perch is extremely precarious
I'm at the penultimate stage and it's getting pretty dangerous

Our lives have changed
I won't say i'm still the same
But please don't ever feel like you're the only one to blame

Gray clouds slithering
Chasing away my blue skies
My sunny day gone

Collect your tears
Prayers, i laugh
A flash of a shadow
No one is there
Wide eyes grow narrow
Peer through the darkness
Set yourself up for disaster
When the monsters lurk in your soul
Destroying all hope
What god will save you?
None that exist, thats for sure
Staring in wonder at those fools
Not caring enough to crack a smile
Who cares at all?
Why am i writting this?
I don't know

I'd write a love poem
But i don't have anything to say
Because love left home
And died during it's escape

With no way of revival
It never really felt safe
In this house of games
And frivolous ways

You say i broke your heart in two
Well, you shattered mine
And refused to come help pick up the pieces
Now, who needs more help?
Me or you?

Failure is my motivation
But success is my greatest fear
And the lies that are whispered
Will always land in my ear

So the pen shall rest silent
And the paper will be blank
You'll probably cry bitter tears
I'll just laugh through my pain

I had nothing to say when i flew away.
Above the clouds,
beyond the trees.
Whisper no secrets to wandering clouds
and spray tears like the stars
across heavens and homelands.

Your face.
The look on your face
Is as if you bear the weight of the world
On your dainty shoulders.
What's wrong?

This is me.
Eternal bystander.
I don't think anyone notices
That i don't fit in
Because the puzzle is solved
And my piece was never attempted to be added.

I feel it.
But pain isn't a foreign concept to me.
It's a lifestyle
That dulls to indifference
Because you start realize
Why should i care
When no one else does?

Superficial beauty
Stunning on the outside
Hideous truth lies behind those eyeliner-framed eyes

The words will rhyme, sometimes
Lined up one by one
Stanza after stanza
Ti'll they feel like they have meaning
When they're just fancy words
Chewed up and spat out randomly on the page
It sounds beautiful, doesn't it?
I hardly even tried

I have nothing to say
No ideas
No words
My mind has no thoughts
And you'll click off
"Stupid Harumi! That Aussie has nothing to say"
I'll weep, but not really
More like chortle
Because tomorrow i will have something good to say

I walked in, foolish me, to this nightmare
Of a crimson blood that coated my skin
With the mirror shattered and conveying no reflection
It was i, forgetful me, who'd been insane
Down fell the blade that had killed me
Cold was the touch of your hand, dear
But lets not revisit that part
Then, naive moi, i cried out
The ***** and the sensation of bleeding
Metal poison to pure flesh, devour me
Oh, foolish me

I've been around  a short while
But I've learned a few things
That stupidity is stronger than love
And anger will fuel said stupidity
When i feel like breaking the glass that separates our worlds
I stop myself just in time
I'm on the cusp of going  insane and i still don't know why
Because i want to cry my eyes out
Not because no one cares
I don't even care
Though its never come up
Its always about you
Although were both clearly losing the game
Reality is breaking free
The glass remains intact
And my ****** fingers graze the window pane
Mucking up my view of your reflection

Searching aimlessly
Through blood
For the reflection of a rose
And in finding it
I will find love
But ****** roses have thorns
And those cause ****** fingers

If i were a little girl
And you were my balloon,
Would you float away from me?
Carried off in the breeze when i let you go.
I would stare in heavyhearted awe,
Not saying a word
While my balloon drifted away
And i wouldn't move from my spot.
Planted there until you were a small dot i could barely see
I might cry but you weren't meant stay
If so, you wouldn't have floated away.

The happy
Have no power
And they are blind
Nonetheless by their stupidity
Close-minded and foolish
I'll be nothing like them
I laugh and judge
Thats just how i am

You grip the fate
You toss, you tear
Unaware of your power.
You dream, you're free, you fly away
Upon the floating clouds.
You drift, you fall, you rise again
You cry, its alright

Its been some time
Looking back on myself
In the mirror, past my eyes
Where the monsters live
The worst of them all, scratching to get
Her messy frizz of black hair stained with blood
Her clothes, shredded and worn
The remains of her sanity gone with her freedom
I watch her pace around, scream and bang about
Searching for an easy exit
All my other demons fear her
Her evil is far greater than theirs
She lurks in the darkest shadows of my psyche
Feasting on my sins and spewing out new ones
Her demonic red eyes staring into oblivion
She pants heavily, haunched over
While her devious smile glows in the dim light of my dreams
I shut her away, i remind myself
I put her out of my life
So then, why do i see her everywhere?

The rose petals fell
Then froze in midair
Eyes glowing blue
Cheeks flushed
Hair so soft
Skin so pale
She was lovely
Above the bore
She was withering away
Along with her misery

Its raining outside
Theres nothing to do
So, i hastily try and put on my boots
I grab an umbrella and head for the door
I'll sneak out so i don't wake that old man who snores
It pours and falls, drenching my hair
After a bit, i begin not to care
I sit in my raincoat, watching passersby
They're all covered in rain drops that resemble tears from when they cried
The lighting strikes and all are scared
Except for me, despite the way it shines and glares
The thunder roars and animals scurry out of sight
I smile a bit, their frantic ways give me some delight
I should be heading home before im completely soaked
Instead, i'll poke around my rain covered city in which i dote

This is the beginning
Where the words would go
Where you'd realize this isn't half bad
And start to pay attention
To the words
That were just filler before

This is part is next
Where it all starts to tie together
A reference to the tittle
Would be thrown in right now

I don't know what to write
As i'm typing this now
Nothing comes
This is the end.

She thought she was one step ahead
But life was passing her by

She believed in the fairy tales
Thinking she was the princess
But someone else was sporting the crown

She said she never cried
But here she is
In front of him
Sobbing violently

Because now she knows
The truth
And it's ugly as ever

And then i died
Not in the cliché sense of death
In old age, ******, disease or idiocy
But in a way that i won't understand
My heart just broke
And i could feel the pieces stabbing my insides
Their sharp, ragged edges scrapping against my bones
If i were to cry, nothing would change
And if he were to come back
I'd die
But out of disgust

I met a boy some time ago.
With blue eyes
Oh, how they were blue!
Like a pond
With fish that i had never seen

And right away he stole my heart
Stole it right off my sleeve

I didn't mind,
I offered to trade
He laughed
and ever so simply stated
I took his quite a while ago.

Her story would only make sense
If we knew the beginning
Maybe thats why im confused
Where did it start?

I know somewhere near the middle
I saw a broken girl
Then a little after
She'd look into the mirror
Stare at the girl with big brown eyes
Sigh and shut her out
She didn't like her very much

Then
What i believe was more of the rising action
There was a death
That same girl was standing in a black dress
Dark, wavy hair dancing in the wind
A giant black bow topping her off
A single tear escaped her eye
She never cried, why now?

I think we're nearing the end
Right now, its nothing but screaming
Tortured by memories
Countless tears that stroll along soft cheeks
Tearing pictures, deleting videos, erasing smiles

Her heart bleeding through her skin
Then sinking further down her chest
Exploding at the bottom
Charring her soul
The end.

Look at me
Take one good, hard look
I look fine
In reality, i'm dying

Dying so slowly, i can barely feel it
Yet every breath i take
I know i'm getting closer to my end

And i hear so many stories
Terrible tales
About people who never did amount to anything
And they never did smile
When they passed, it was seen as a blessing

I don't want you to cry when i leave
But i want you to know
With astounding certainty
That i left the happiest i could ever be
And i did everything i wanted

So, i promise i will
And you'll be proud of me
And you'll smile at my memory
Because i'd frown if you cried

You are
The most tormented soul
I'll ever know
I care not for your good times
Let me see you cry
I want your pain
Its more beautiful than your smile
The twinkle in your eyes when your sad
I want to breathe your sorrow
Let me burn down your house
Let the tears roll down your cheeks
Everyone around you will die
I'll make it so
Just to see you unhappy
Not because i detest you
But because i want you to need me
A shoulder to cry on
Someone to depend on
You're so beautiful
Come, let's cry

Im no good
My words mean nothing
They ring in my ears
They do nothing
But they touch you
And thats the beauty of it

I need to tell you this
But im not going to
I refuse to let it slip
I'll never say that i love you
Or confess that i think of you all the time
My lips are sealed on how i stare at you
And im not going to spill on how i see you do it too