the strong suffer in silence
silently willing the weight
to come loose from their shoulders
Atlas's back is breaking
somebody stepped on the wrong crack
but he stands there
shaking with effort
knowing it's coming
yet still he stands vigil
The strong suffer in silence
knuckles white from pressure
as blood makes its way out of clenched fists
white hot with rage
The strong suffer in silence
but they never forget
the ones who wronged them

greatness once stood here
drinking the spilled blood
of the winos and dope fiends
as they crashed
wings useless
from voyaging too close
to Apollo's fury
this vast wasteland
endless concrete
and stores which stay in business
for months
before being replaced
with the next Mongolian themed restaurant
the streetlights flicker
before burning out
like the candles of so many
extinguished too soon
this wasteland is all encompassing
be wary of the passer-by
they have a grin where their mouth should be
and a purse with a hole in the bottom
they salivate greed
and scream
at anybody who will listen
These are my beliefs,
they may not be right,
but **** it you'd better follow them
the wolves are hungry
out to get you in every drunken
way too high dark alley
that runs rank with beer ****
the elders feed on the young
spiders on their world wide web
******* the life out of the youth
until they themselves
are free of this
free of anger and drive
determination
but best of all
free from the endless torment
of untouched dreams
lock your mind, heart, and soul
in a cage made of razor blades
and swallow they key
because times are hard
in the wasteland
and if you want to make it
you're in for a hell of a journey

once all the leaves have dropped
we stand eternal
like the dead
falling from withered branches
which once carried so much life
time has a way of taking these things from us
life
love
passion
hate
anger
Time is the great thief
time is relative
making everybody relatively
scared shitless
time is the relative
that the family merely tolerates
always on
and on
tick tock
tick tock
with two broken hands
wrapped in a ***** kitchen towel
I'd like to throttle
father time

Angry young kid
Angry young ideas
Who gets to claim heaven?
When heaven means hell?
We split words in half
To measure the value
Only to find
We know nothing
In a world
Made of
Fragmented ideas
We are the blind men
Circling the drain

find beauty in the ugly
when times get hard
and skies darken
billowing thunder
night time harshness
you'll need it
don't let the mind
become too dark to see
that from the rubble of malice
you can build a new greatness
rising and falling and rising and falling
like the ocean front
wave after wave after wave
every sentence has an ending.
but don't let them break you
to stop you from writing the next
find beauty in ugly
for the times
when all you see in the mirror
is hideous tricks of light
assaulting the senses
do it for the times
when you are so high
you kiss the sun
for the times when you fall
for the times when you get up
and for the times when you take off

We tight rope walk
down our double edged sword
we wage war like the Gods
atop Olympus
We cultivate life
like the farmer tends to his crops
We are that of
flesh
blood
heart
emotion
strength
weakness
grit
and steel
We crack the earth
with our footsteps
and call it industry
A species of slaves
who enslave each other
because it is all we know
dark times pass above us
like thunder clouds
but in moments
we produce unthinkable greatness
like forks of lightning
across the black canvas
of the night sky

dear son
how you doing
hopefully fine
I don't know you yet
but in case we never meet
I just wanted to say
whatever you do
in your life
just know
that you will be my proudest achievement
no matter what
I love you
from the past

Dear Tim
how you doing
I know we grew apart
you were the best
and only Dad I ever had
I never quite forgave you
for the whole Mum thing
but I know why you did it
and I understand
and I didn't turn out like you
I know I made you proud
maybe for that reason alone
but I love you
and we'll talk more
and soon
until then
love,
your son

Dear Harry
what's there to complain about today?
Me most likely
but listen up
for every **** up I gave you
that's another thing
which nobody cares about
it's your life
do what you want with it
and any failure
or any success
is on you
so stop hating yourself
and the rest of the world
and do what I know you can
forget making me proud
make you proud
Love,
your father

Do you know how lucky you are
I know that it is sometimes ****** to hear
to hear that your problems aren't the problems
you think they are
trust me
I had the worst year of my life
and today
I knew it had to change
so I changed it
the only thing you need to know
you are capable
of making the whole world stop in its tracks
so the next time
the annoying voice in your head
tells you you aren't good enough
or some other *******
remind yourself
Harry says we are all ******* awesome
with unlimited potential
the world is a ball of clay in your hands
do us all a favor
and make it something
absolutely ******* awesome

this had been it
the big showdown
a test of gamble
and wit
and *****
and steel
the test which separates the men from the boys
which separates the fight from the flight
so what's it going to be?

Tim called me to let me know he was outside
Tim being my Dad
my Dad who I see so much of myself in
My Dad who I haven't always said the kindest things about
he came upstairs
I let him in
I had just cleaned the apartment
he said
let's see why the school hasn't sent me a bill
I said
there is no bill to send
and there never will be
now brace yourself
the bomb will go off in 3...
2...
1....
then nothing
just acceptance
acceptance which took me aback
because I hadn't expected it
or the side of support it came with
half of a year
I spent
no
wasted
fretting over this moment
and that's all it was
a moment
nothing too special
but the weight which fell from me
made all the difference to my disposition
the time of lies is over
the time to be
the real
Harry J Baxter is here

the smell of a cold breeze
reminded me of school
the fall leaves
colored by academia
fall on the grass
of Monroe Park
when football season has started
and jeans and flannels
dot the horizon
like buoys
and fast paced walks
against the racing clock
cigarette after cigarette
to make it to world cinema
201
or something
and doing homework in starbucks
and eating bad dining hall food
and getting drunk on the weekends
weekdays too
and high enough
to warrant eating
that bad dining hall food
but the memories aren't the same
something amiss
like memories of Christmas
before the folks split
or the dog died
or grandma
or whatever else
must have happened
it's school time again
but I'm not sure if I'm ready to learn

The children are all going back to school
glum looks on their glum faces
and the days are slowly
becoming more and more
gray
Summer sings her swan song
as the sun sets for what seems like the last time
Summer's end feels like a funeral
for the death of childhood nostalgia innocence
as the sky makes way for fall
and biting winds
blue skin
and *** hoodies and cigarette butts
and you'll see those friends again at thanksgiving
maybe
but they won't be the same person
and neither will you
so take one more night this Summer
to spend with those you love
before we are all thrown back to the lions

I feel it bubbling up inside of me
like bad Mexican food
like that feeling you get
when some unfortunate soul
****** you off
like that feeling you get
when you have a full tank of gas
and an open road ahead of you
spike my veins
and see the beauty which is pumped out
see the filth and **** and hate and love and life and death and desperation and hope
and they boil over
singing the kitchen counter tops
and put the liquid in pill form
to feed to people
who are sure they've lost their minds
let me whisper
what mind?
from the city rooftops
until everybody
runs out into the street
naked
their faces raised to God
looking to be kissed
or cried upon
words can ****
and words can bring life
words are the building blocks of every sky scraper
and every genocide
and every person
and for brief lightning flash moments
I come close to being able to control them
but just for a moment
a moment of control

Chivalry is dead
and it was killed by the fairer ***
lipstick red cigarette butts
and wine glasses
squeezing the trigger
to complacency
and if romance is dead
then I guess I'm a necrophiliac
because I still believe in the chase
and the grand gestures
and don't tell my male friends
but I cling to the stories of true love
like a kid too stubborn to believe
that Santa is really just old ma and pops
blown out in a haze of smoke
the dust cleared to clarify
that crazy chaotic chances
won't always land on snake eyes
but I keep throwing the die anyway
and one day I'll die
and then I'll die a second time
when my words die
and maybe I'll be proven wrong
and be alone
but I won't stop
I can't be an atheist
because I understand all too well
the depth of the well of faith
so I'll keep on walking like a blind man
carrying my romances around with me in a hobo sack
until I find what I'm looking for

somebody at work
said who'd want to be normal
her eyes glinting behind
her ray band sunglasses
and her car wash uniform
and her Toms shoes
but she was right to a point
who would
when normal means being the middle six?
**** that I want to be all three of them
an angel of bad taste and baggy clothes
and the best people I've ever met
never met normal
going home on the last bus
with his briefcase
and suit
and his dial tone voice
no the best people I've met
took normal out back
and Old Yeller'd the *******
they are the people who would fly into the sun
if only their wings weren't held together with wax
Me?
I'm the subterranean rodent
taking para-scope Polaroids
hoping to get a glimpse of the good life

Where are you going
walking down the street
as the sun struggles
to find a reason to rise
and trash skitters along the asphalt
being blown by the winds of wonder
I wonder when you will realize
realize that the second hand
is spinning too fast
and that one day
the clocks will all break
and one night
the bottle will run empty
and the mirrors won't break
and the knife won't cut
the gun won't ****
hammer
pull
so where are you going
we all say the road less traveled
but truth be told
that road doesn't exist anymore
and truth be told
we're too lazy to raise a fist anymore
and truth be told
I don't tell the truth
I just make you believe lies
but isn't that the same thing?

my younger brother is getting older
and as life unfurls before him
like a long day at work
on a cold winter morning
I hope he has it easy
and fun
I hope he has it the way he wants
as for me
don't think of me as a person
naw
think of me
as the childhood memory
you repress
and don't know why
think of me as all the advice you never took
the sheep which you sacrificed for crop cycles
the facebook pictures
you'd never show your parents
the *** you're ashamed to say you like
the drugs you're ashamed to say you need
martial law is in place
and the revolution starts in your gut
so **** the fire to your forehead
and shoot rainbow shots in the faces
of all of the wrinkled suits
behind storefront windows
pull out your teeth out
and plant the speaking tree
mocking birds die beautifully
and I'm in the mood for a funeral
one day
we can all explode

I thought about you last night
And it's not what you're thinking
I mean more like day dreaming
More like a storyline
Playing out in my head
With ups and downs
And it was so perfect
I wrote it down
And realized
I might love my fictionalized version of you
More than the real you
I guess that's always the case
But it made me realise
What I love so much
About writing
It's the closest I've ever felt
To god

you wait
and seconds become years
which haven't happened yet
but you feel like you've already lost them
you wait
like the good little boy
or girl
you wait
like you've been told your whole life
good things come to those who take them
so why wait
why wait for what you want to be passed down
hand to hand
like a Chinese whisper
until what you get
isn't "strawberry ice cream"
but "very sore need *** cream"
you wait
hoping the time will come
but that train already left the station
and somebody else is conducting

got my bags packed,
about to hit the road
looking for different pastures
the less green
the better
give me gray
and thrashing black
explosions of red
like heart attacks
not a quiet moment
for the man who never sleeps
we have the city nights
so walk down dreamer alley
and find the ***** kids
smoking funny stuff
and throwing back fire
you can buy any type of shot
down at the gun shop
and for five dollars
you can buy a kick in the head
in wine form
so let's get
even more lost than we already are
and wait to be judged

Boy meets girl
girl acts coy
boy acts distant
they dance around each other
playing their games
playing their songs
their music
she would sing the songs
he would write the words
boy and girl become friends
they hang out
acting always as if they don't want
anything more from the other
to want another is viewed as weakness
and they both want to appear strong
so they don't worry anybody
so they don't attract the predators
like moths with faces on their wings
they just want protection
until they can take flight

Years pass
they're fairly close
years pass and they're still on the same level
alcohol is introduced
and they have brief moments
flaring out in the mess of time
where they catch a glimpse of what they want
a long hug
walking back with his arm around her shoulders
dancing in a dark basement
He's a coward at heart
hidden beneath steel plated armor
she's a cocoon
waiting to become a butterfly
maybe one day they'll get it together
maybe one day

It's a nice day
Cool enough to wear jeans
Warm enough to wear a shirt
Mid sixties to low seventies
Even the Mosquitos don't bother me

Last Friday we were ******
Walking through the art district,
Looking at all the galleries
Listening to the music
And the street preachers
I got stopped by sister Michelle
She was a Mormon on a mission
Or something like that
She asked how religious I am
I said debate doesn't matter
I'll live my life the way I want
If somebody is watching,
So be it

We drifted off
Drinking their cup of free lemonade
As they looked disappointed
But the air tasted good,
**** good
And the energy was right,
One hundred percent
A+
And I went to sleep
Dreaming of broad street
All lit up and full of life
And I figured
Everything was going to be
Alright

the first thing you notice,
is the smell
all of the water just gets recycled
and it gets so *****
you can't see through it
the tunnel smells the worst
where the cars come through
and the laundry station is
I either get told to punch in
or that they don't need me
go to the break room

then maybe a car comes
probably not if it's a Monday
or if it's raining
but suppose one comes anyway
you get told to jump on it
pull it into the tunnel
then run down to the other end to catch it
pulling it onto the lot
you check what kind of a wash it is
if you're lucky
it's just an exterior
but let's be honest
it's probably going to be an ultimate
upholstery coated in dog hair
that the over privileged
WASP
stay at home mother
pesters you to get out
no matter how many times you explain
it isn't store policy
we don't cover dog hair ma'am
maybe her toddler spilled an entire happy meal
into one of the side pockets
you do a ****** job
she'll probably stiff you anyway

you're out on the lot
for hours
just making the same clockwise motions with your hands
over and over again
this can last for hours
then it's back to the break room
where the bosses cut lines of coke
off of the managers table
the place reeks of something
the IRS wouldn't like
you're there from 8 to 7
and you're lucky to get 5 hours on the clock

You get home
and the smell doesn't leave
and the first thing you want
is a drink
or a smoke
preferably both
and you want to sleep
for hours
sleep away the lesser moments
and the bigger one
but you know
you have to wake up at 6:45
to drive back over
and do it all again

so you've graduated high school
you got into that university you wanted
or maybe the one you didn't
still,
you're going somewhere in the fall
then you'll live the easy life for four or so years
gain some weight
lose it
change your fashion sense
discover who you are
all the while
you'll be doing dumb ****
making friends
losing friends
and even learning a few things along the way
then you graduate again
hooray for you
what's next?
a job?
a year of looking?
you could always go back for your masters
you know with the dilution of a BA/BS degree today
you'll probably need it
if you don't want to flip burgers
so now it's been 6 or 7 years
just in higher education
more like a decade
if you pursue that pesky PHD
so you can make the big bucks
then what?
pick up a nice girl somewhere
you'll both grow together
fall in what you think is love
compromise after compromise
for some romantic ideal
which you chase but never catch fully
maybe the poor broad
will churn out a couple of kids for you
a son to carry on your name
a daughter to protect
and they become teenagers
and you're old now
you don't understand them
and they resent you
and all of those dollars
you worked so hard for
disappear
like there's a hole in your back pocket
and then the kids go to college
just like you did
and you and the missus have to fight
to act like you aren't dead in the water
and then one morning
you wake up
your skin hangs off of you
in all the wrong places
it looks like you are wearing a costume
which doesn't fit
and you get winded walking up the stairs
to your study
where you sit and drink the night away
before you crawl back in bed with the shack job
where even the slightest touch
is no longer tantalizing,
but irritating
you wake up and realize
you did everything expected of you
you wake up and realize
you did it all wrong

I put a baby tooth in a half empty 2 liter of coke
it was gone in a month
now I put much worse stuff than coke into my body
but I'm still here
how can something which makes me feel so good
be so very bad for me?
I guess the human is nothing
if not adaptable
or maybe I'm just so much of a *******
I mean maybe I hate myself that much
that I'm not happy
unless I am well
and truly
******* myself over

allow me to get real
If I may
the car wash where I work *****
money is great
because I love to blow it
but work is soul crushing
sometimes I fantasize
about going to sleep
and never waking up
not suicide
just an infinite nothing
in one small **** I could be gone
and not have to worry
about letting down my crazy alcoholic mother
who I love more than I would've thought possible
or my absentee father
who has been a wallet whom I've grown a surprising attachment to
and you all read my poems
I scoff at even calling them that
but you read them
and maybe think,
I can relate
or I like his style
well lemme tell you something
my style is self destruction
***** stained sofas
and ****** faces
and there is no glamour to it
and I'll be the first to tell you
there's no glory
I'm in a hole
and I'm addicted to digging
but if I may
let me say this
don't worry about me
worry about you
worry about what will happen when we all wake up
and ask ourselves
what the **** have I been doing with my life
where did all of this time go
all I can say is this
if you aren't living
on your own terms
working towards whatever it is you SOB's love
then you might as well die now
because if you aren't living for passion
are you really living at all?

We're all sick
just trying to find some medicine
and it comes in all forms
and they are all demons
drink
smoke
pills
powder
*****
violence
pain
God,
if you buy into that sort of jargon
I think God left us
about the time we started talking about profit margins
and gains and losses
and bonuses
and bail outs
but we take these drugs
in an attempt to get high enough
to catch a solitary glimpse of heaven
before we plunge back into hell
The devil,
He's laughing
because he knows we won't escape
we've been given up to damnation
and that's **** fine with me
let the world burn
the people massacred
and all the while
I'll stand on the brink
of the end of all things
laughing
because the only thing I truly know
is that the only way to survive hell
is to out devil the devils
So you go on complaining
and the world will go on not listening
because the world doesn't understand *******
only brute force and steel

Natural light pours in from open windows
and my room turns gold
until the sun passes behind the clouds
and my room is a mess
and my head aint too clean either
everything smells like cigarette smoke
and stale beer
like homeless sweat
I only sweat the small stuff
and wade carelessly through the big
like a child playing in the ocean
My tongue gets tied
when I try to scream
help is charity
and who wants to be a charity case?
I'd rather just drink a case of beer
and let drunk Harry play with the reins for a few hours

Shotgun **** its
Shut up and listen
If you can't take the heat
You know how it goes
I have to go to work today
And I haven't been home yet
So that *****
I guess
Above all else
What I want
Is to just
Get the hell out of here
Away from everything

If there were ever a problem
worth ******* about
I don't think think we know what it is
so selfish,
so selfishly selfless
and we have no clue
as to what it is we are doing
so we all end up doing nothing
as nothing
as everything falls as sand through hour glasses
so that now all I write
is gibberish,
but sometimes gibberish just makes more sense
other times,
it's complete gibberish

"So what is it"
"It's the chemical dreams are made of"
"it comes in waves:
the first hit you feel awesome,
the second hit you feel awful
the third hit makes you forget everything"
three hits
lightly cooking the bowl
1
this feels great
2
my heart is going to explode
3
the color drains from the world into black and white
sepia
and purple stars
the spirit molecule
and my body feels like a thousand pounds
"just close your eyes and ride it out"
fractal light patterns
and flashes of eyes
the eye of ra?
the eye of horus?
no
the Goddess Seshat
I had no idea who she was
but she was talking to me
her voice breaking through the tentacles and sound wave mesh
she said
God is weeping
and I said but why?
is it because I was bad?
and she said
no,
it's because you think you are
and his face flashed before
drenched in tears
only to be replaced by a scorpion
but I'm a Taurus and not a Scorpio
the silhouette of a bull blowing smoke
and she told me many things
she told me about me
about wisdom
about the world
then a phone ringer sounded
it was a text
and the cloud of cosmic dust particles slowly settled
It was the real world again
only this time
more peaceful
"Guess how long it's been?"
"five minutes?"
"twenty."
and I could already feel it fading away
all that's left are flashes of images and conversation
and the feeling that there was an important message

Filtered cigarettes
Drawing smoke fibers
If I can't be free
I sure as hell can be numb
Free from dreams of freedom
Free from life
Free from you
Free from me
Doesn't everybody just want to be so ******* free?
Life is a movie
And I'm an off screen extra
Silently wandering
Corridors of thought
Looking for answers
In the wrong textbooks
Aren't I so free

If my life is like a tightrope
and I'm toeing down the the line
then the world is my audience
they're all waiting for different things
to see me fall
fail
take the big nose dive of suspense
others are just curious
as to the nature of the whole spectacle
and an odd couple hundred of people
want to see me make to the other side
smiling and laughing
ecstatic in the ecstasy of my success
and the way I see it
that makes my Dad
a safety net made out of green backs
and my Mum
the harness I use to get back up
when i inevitably fall off

Write a poem
To keep from
Throwing in the old towel
The towel of easy life
Not full of strife
Or exams, homework, and tests
You're not the best yet
Just on the way
Shrugging off layers of grey
And hopeless
Knock knock jokes
Drowning without a hope
In the fields of grain
Too numb to actually feel the pain
The pain of consistency
Complacency
Ad agencies
And bone shattering realizations
It's an odd sensation
Bouncing off the walls
Smoking water falls
Like we're sitting in the sin bin
This poem is ending
Henned in a caged pen
Traveling salesmen
Drop safety pins of fraternity logic
Don't get sick
We could be gone tomorrow
But hasn't that always been the case?

It rained today
The sky was blue
The sun was out
And it was sickly humid
I mean ****,
It was raining sideways
Soap opera tears coming from seemingly nowhere
It just makes you think
Maybe god didn't want me to go outside and get anything done today
If I am made in god's image
Maybe he's as lazy as me

Prom night
Hoping for limelight
No fight towards the
Alcohol fueled lust
We just want what's just
To break off some rust
To end the night wrapped in her/his arms
Waking up to a cheesy love story
But nothing gory no glory
Just the generic songs
Playing through the generic throng
Of people looking for more
Maybe the unknown
Possibly the gold throne
But in the end
Teenagers aren't hard to get
So we danced young
Like we'd live forever
And at the end of the night
We made our own stories

Lost out in the summer rain
Lost in a haze of summer gazes
All the fences razed to the ground
Inescapable sounds
Of oh isn't he smart
He will go places
Yeah but not your places
Places full of plastic faces
Hiding behind glass window display cases
Going to the moon
The scent of mediocre doom
Filling the room
Like whiskey *****
Fined for misconduct
Of a conduit into a cliche artist
Talking like tongues twisted off of
Mouth numbing shots of grey goose and jäger
Talking like slick Rick spitters
Who don't long for quick fillers
Of life experiences poured in a pitcher
And I'm talking *******
Pbr bellied fool ****
But rest assured
My inhibitions cured
I talk true ****

The day fades away
Black and grey
And black and grey
Until all that is left
Is cerebral thoughts
Bouncing against the shattered window pane
Which shows the way
To everything we are too scared to know
The sacred truths of our flaws
Too beautifully ugly to be recognized
Too perfectly imperfect to fit the leftover jigsaw pieces
Jesus pieces ring with fibs of green backs
And crack was distributed to poor neighborhoods
So a lot of the time a welfare check or food stamp
Ends up more like "my bad"
And no news crews roll through
Unless the person who died
Shares my skin color
White guilt making me feel less stable
In my bitchings and moanings
Like my bad feelings couldn't possibly land heavy
Like haymakers
Growing up we used to jump from hay bails
Landing in loose straw
Running away from farmers and their
Combine harvesters
Now I run from life
Too afraid to jump from the ground floor
Into the clouds
Life is hard
Living it the way you want is harder

the morning after
the sun sneaking through the blinds
naked and hungover
but not caring
because you were naked too
I know this because
while you were sleeping
I took a cheeky peek under the covers
I sleep with a body pillow
but waking up,
my arm around the real thing,
kicks the hell out of any pillow
and your hair was messy
i liked that, but knew you wouldn't
so I tucked it behind your ear
you letting out a breathy sigh
and I could tell you were smiling
by how your cheek bones raised
you playing footsie with me
and smiling
and ******* on my thumb
was an ego boost
because sober you
wasn't freaking the hell out
trying to find a way out of that stranger's attic bedroom
and we kissed
made out
and other stuff
which gentlemen don't talk about
and you got up to get dressed
standing naked trying to find your *******
me in bed saying
"stay in bed for a while longer
that plane to California
ain't going nowhere"
and you said
"yes it it,
it's going to California"
I knew that
but your *** looked great
pulling on those cut off denim shorts
but you had to go
and so did I
and I know *** is supposed to be for the mature
but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't
singing that entire ride home
"I GOT LAID LAST NIGHT!"
like a kid hyped up and hopped up on Halloween candy
It's nice being called "Good Morning"

Now I hear a lot things
things like you can't be too blue
too white to live a blue life
well I'm hungry
and I'm black and blue
Now listen sweet cheeks
you keep flapping those gums
and I'm going to get the hell out of here
because you are a place called last
and I'm a town called over the horizon
causing riots by talking about which flavor
of starburst is the best
and ******* if you don't think pink
my blues are more like baby blues
I get jealous real easy
so maybe they're turquoise
who the hell cares
all I know now
is I wander from bus stop to bus stop
with a harmonica I can't play
singing at the top of my lungs
"BLUE?!'
"**** sunshine,
all I see
is red"

The half man half mattress
My Mum always got down
"You're so smart, Why don't you just study and do homework?"
I'm working from home and studying my craft
putting in more hours than I ever put in Geometry class
because proofs and circular dimensions
never made anybody else smile
and I hope these words have
so sorry Mum
but this half mattress lifestyle
is too appealing
and I know that granny never went to college
but she never lived to see the ink flow through me
so I promise that one day
I won't need to hit up mom n' pops
for some of that evil green paper
one day this half man half mattress
is going to be so huge
like a household name
so don't worry Mum
I'm skinny right now
but in no time
I'm going to be living a three square meals a day life
and today I don't have a job
and one day I won't need one
So don't worry Mum
It may look hard right now
but I'm having the time of my life

we stopped running sprints a while ago
each 100 yards traded for a pack of smokes
our sweat smells more like gin and *****
than it does hard work
Gave up ball control so we could get higher
Agility for hangovers
the only things we stretch are our wallets

Running with the forward
in a last ditch effort
I fall to the ground
They call it a slide tackle
It's more like an "I give up tackle"
and it hurts more now that you got that drunk tattoo
right on your *** this past 4th
taking shots from the halfway line
because we've taken too many shots to run any farther
and each goal means more
like we fought harder for it
and endurance is all but forgotten when I ran up to my brother
picking him up in the air as our team cheers and pats his back
the final whistle blows
and we are victorious
despite the fact our muscles are so knotted they feel like stone
high on an endorphin rush we shake the losing team's hands
not trying to hide our winners only smile
just because we are no longer athletic
doesn't mean that we forgot about our inner athlete

If I were humble
I'd never make it out the apartment
sitting in dank basements
like that creepy guy in your building
good for me I'm not humble
if I were I wouldn't heat up reading Hemingway
I mean if I were humble
then your grand kids wouldn't be reading my poison in the 9th grade
If I were then my name would drop off
but Harry J Baxter is too good of a name to go unheard
so even if it take twenty years
I'll stay on my 10,000 ft soap box
obnoxiously screaming in your ears
from computer screens
paper pages
street corners
and bathroom stalls
you can't spell arrogant
without **go

what's good?
no not what's up
the ceiling hardyfuckinghar
what's bad?
Me?
but not bad like fat with a p h a t
i mean bad like blowing out six candles
on a six year old's birthday cake
or telling kids that santa died in their chimney
maybe if they'd been good they wouldn't have all that coal
where were we?
what's good?
like cops throwing the drunk black guys in the paddy wagon right?
like *** with a hot stranger?
like kids going to college and getting jobs
I'm all good like a summer day
with good ****
and liquor which isn't cheap
riding in a top down jeep
like long conversations through the night
with that pretty wild girl whose wildly pretty
I'm good like a mind lost in the clouds
just wisps of cirrus clouds like smoke
mind in technicolor
no 60's blackn'white
and camel billboards blowing smoke rings
it's 2000 and technological conformity
and my windows are all stained glass portraits
of kids on corners talking mad game
take a microscope to the skin
and find the smiling similes chasing meaty metaphors
dead on dialogue and diction
**** syntax sent sideways from silly slick talkers' sentences
words which mean nothing
usually mean the most

little poet man
like Robin Williams you can hear them calling
"O Captain my Captain"
but I'm not dead yet
sweating buckets off iced coffee
hiding from this hot American weather
otherwise I'd be nothing but an alcoholic
with a terrible case of sun burn
and a twisted tongue
unwrapping itself slowly
until the winter
when it gets stuck to street lights
curiosity killed the cat
but I introduced the two
all I want for Christmas is to knock out these two front teeth
so maybe then I could whistle at the pretty girls
who don't own designer jeans
or the greatest genes
i have fun with this junk
smiling pitcher with a blown out arm
my eyes open up
and life rushes in all directions
I'm standing still
under the sun
and my personal rain cloud
trying to find the *** of gold chocolate coins
at the end of my streaking color rainbow

shattering walls with great
say it from your chest waves
of vocal vibrations
vibrating down the handle
of aluminum baseball bats
which bounce uselessly off the brick wall
walled in the school building
building up little Timmy's confidence
confident that he will do what they want
wanting to see what's over the hill
hills which rocks only make half way up
downtown a young girl does a wheelie on a bicycle
riding around in circles
"Mommy You're not watching"
so mommy's not watching
the box cutters
and matches
and we make one **** of a mess
messed up on the couch
holding barely to consciousness
conscious of the fact
that it's the combination
of **** and alcohol
that's making the room spin like this
swallow a cup of fire
fire the demons from out the mouth
for each stream of *****
forgotten about
and we'll be happy
when you're happy
to let us be
something but happy

like a preacher he talks of God
to a lost flock
around the clock
find him stuck between
a hard place and a rock
throwing upper cuts,
like rock em sock em robots
he was thrown off
his train of thought
by hobo figments of his imagination
imagination of a figment
that's a web of thoughts
more like the downward spiral
he's drowning in a tide pool of fear
of too much beer
and "let's get the **** out of here's"
and he'll be at it for years
like a text message from an ex
reading "want to get together?"
He's someone you'd rather forget
but for all his flaws
and lack of applause
he's up at night
underneath a flickering light
sitting at that desk
pen in hand
head in the clouds
trying to breakthrough

Duck beach
Drinking on the the sand
Fleeing corolla
With 30 beers
Finished before we made it back to duck
Thrown in cop cars
Blowing over a .2
Not getting arrested
Living like champions
Tattoos on the 4th
Which will last forever
Experiences with strangers
Nothing better

hello honey
it's been a while has it not
how have you been?
me?
oh,
I've been crazy
starving
drunk
and drunk
and higher than a choir boys voice
I'm so broke I've been smoking Pall Malls
but don't worry darling,
I'm not dead yet
oh please do tell me about
the hundreds of other guys
and girls
that you've been seeing
they sound great
I know I've been trying this for years
but why don't we take us out for a spin?
oh not yet
don't worry I'll keep trying
Listen baby
I was thinking about you while you were gone
it was all I was thinking about
and I've got a feeling I'll see you soon
I know it
deep in the pit of my gut
but until then,
take care
with equal parts love
and hate
your future lover

Powerless power
We compete for the entire world
And end up splintered
Like fragments of matches
Burnt out shells
Of everything we thought we could be

What am I feeling?
What is this
I've always been a sucker for women
Yet I've always played
Close to the chest
Cheating the chest organs
Out of any hope
Of a future life
But I could marry you
One of my best friends
One of my best victims
I've always felt attached to
Women who are afraid of attachment
It's my curse
It's my gift
It's my all too shiny
Genie lamp
Just a rub away from
Complete dominance