I don't know man. It just has been different lately, you know?

No not really. What do you mean? Like, explain it.

Okay so you know how you do it and you feel everything dissolve? You know? And that warm fuzzy light fills you up and the back of your head sags all the way to the floor? You know how you can't stop smiling? How nothing matters because everything is going to be chill in the end? You know?

Yeah? So what's the issue?

Well recently, and I mean very recently, I just got this feeling. This ******* feeling for two hours and all I want is for it all to be over.
The thing is - I know that everything is fine. That it's all chill and that I'm just geeking out, but still, the way it makes me feel. I can't do that anymore.

How the hell does it make you feel dude? Jesus can we get to the point sometime soon?

Right, my bad. It's my heart first. I feel my heart going at a thousand ******* miles a minute but when I check my pulse or heart beat - everything is normal. But still I feel it in my chest yapping like a dog at the front door and I can't convince myself that this is chill. Then it's my chest. You know how Jesus died of suffocation on the cross?

I thought they stabbed him before they suffocated?

Whatever, you know what I mean, how people on crosses couldn't breathe because of their arms and lungs and chest or whatever? Well I get this feeling that my chest is thinner than a sheet of printer paper. That every single time that I inhale it's never enough. Then I get this electricity in the back of my head. It creeps up from my sternum, through my throat and then to my brain stem. Like an itch you can't ******* scratch no matter how many layers of skin you go through?

Jesus dude.

Then I convince myself that I can't move my right hand. Convince myself I'm partially paralyzed. Only I'm watching my right hand move. But I feel like it has to be an illusion, because how the hell am I moving a paralyzed hand? It's all gotten so ******* twisted that I don't know which sense I can trust.

Well are you sure that that's the reason? Why don't you take a small geeb or something? For the sake of the scientific method?

Listen to me you fool. There is no method to this. Just madness. But I suppose, in the name of fairness, I should do some more research. Maybe just this one last time. Just to be sure.

Exactly... So you wanna smoke some ****?

Yes. I want to smoke some ****. Just for science and all that. I kinda have to. It'd be unamerican to not smoke, right?

Right.

"No.
No you absolutely can not go to the store to buy some beer
you! you are too young
just stay inside and watch some TV
beer is for losers
no go and make your dad another G&T;
during the commercial break"

Feeling thirsty?
Want to be liked and respected?
want to be fun?
life of the party?
want to be swarmed by a slew of half naked vaginas with legs?
then get yourself a Bud

"Why can't you be happy with what you have?
you know we never had much growing up
and look at us now
a pair of reasonably comfortable adults
don't you want to be reasonably comfortable?
can't you just be yourself?"

Hey you! Yeah you!
what the hell are you just sitting there for?
It's a Friday night why aren't you out partying?
no invitation. ****. Wait I know why -
What's that you are wearing?
you don't know!?
you need some Polo
and some Nike, just do it
throw in some brooks brothers
don't you want people to think better of you
don't be THAT guy in cargo shorts
unless you like ******* alone at night
and here's some Beats by Dre headphones
so you can hear us better
Now I no it's pricey, but don't you want to be happy?
we've got your happiness right here
and it will only cost you
your parents' credit card

"We just don't know what's wrong with you
why are you in such a rut?
get out of bed, go and do something
we got you what you asked for
why can't you be satisfied?
a lenovo 2 in 1?
what the hell is a Lenovo 2 in 1?
A laptop and a tablet?
Why?
Oh, you just have to have one
well I'm sorry, but money has been tight
maybe you should get a job
your birthday is right around the corner..."

Look at this cool guy
Look at how great his life is
you want this. We know you do
what you'll need is some more swag
just a little bit
and some cough syrup, expensive liquor and some ***
plus you'll want some *******
how else can you party this hard?
Maybe get a gun, or a knife
no. Definitely get a gun. A big one
that way nobody will say anything to **** your buzz
carry that big stick and walk tall cool dude
oh yeah, here's a secret for you
keep it to yourself alright?
women really like being treated like ****
we told them to

"What's that?
a gun? For what?
oh so now you're going to **** yourself?
well I'm sorry but we don't do that in this family
you'll just have to be ground into submission like everybody else
what makes you so special, huh?
why do you get to punch out early
shut up, keep your head down, do your job, buy some ****, have a family
then get your kids started with all the **** you buy.
brand name baby clothes and such.
now be a good boy
and pay your taxes
but shush, the TV is on"

It's appealing to steal treasure from right under the dragon's snout
a taste of ambrosia so sweet
but the thing they never tell you about
mythical dragon treasure
is that it doesn't last forever
dragon treasure don't pay no bills
but it gives courage
and a taste for more
take another chest
more and more frequently
that dragon always sleeping
snoring in billowing rings of acrid blackness
the smell of bonfires and gasoline
people go mad
raving naked in the streets
for that **** wooden chest filled with it's ****** gold trinkets
and once the child is grown
the treasure only becomes heavier
no more impish laughter following the daring theft
just a sore back, a head ache, a lot of burnt bridges, and an empty apartment
The only company the calls from collection agencies
and the funniest part is
we thought the dragon was sleeping the whole time
only to find that dragons don't sleep
they wait - hungry and patient
another soul swallowed whole
by the sleeping dragon
that ******* dragon and that ******* treasure
a temptation suspended in a moment of twinkling light

It's rare you'll find me in my home town
straw in mouth
**** on shoes
i'm a country boy loving this acid washed city life of "Ima get what's mine"
but don't call me bumpkin
while I'm sitting out on a back porch
jameson and RJ Reynolds
I have a tendency to spout off words like an unattended hydrant on a ghetto summer day
not all of them make sense
not all of them are in good taste
or right
but whether it be suburban Midlothian
farming village Drax
or downtown Richmond
I find my home on page
beneath the low chattering of keys
scratching of pens
Each word you never had the heart to say
is my place of residence

Get drunk
Or high
Work out
Apathy
Hypersensitivity
Violence
Witty
Fathoms deep
Feel the swell of a universe
So full of life
It all repeats
Make the canvas
Something beautiful

And if the man from on high casts his eye upon you
you shall cower when faced with the reflection
A bird sits on a car side mirror
not alarmed by overwhelming footfalls
keeping rhythm with feet beneath desks to the universal drum track
white rabbit is peaking in the next room
while a scene of horror plays out
to be gossiped over intermission
you stand alone
in a small, dimly lit room
candle flame flickering against cream wall
ritual
your neighbors won't stop screaming into sofa cushions
as you laugh til it hurts on rerun avenue
go out and get after it kid
by this time tomorrow it'll be gone
whatever it is

It comes and goes in lunar waves
flying above the mountain top
then the nosedive
we suggest the cabin prepare for impact in ten. nine eight seven....
it's a water landing

If it was sixty outside today in December -
then maybe I won't feel so ******
at least until the night comes forth
alone with a head full of thoughts
stumbling through a strangers dark living room
trying to find a light switch

It's all fun and games riding a wave back to shore
but the wave recedes and leaves you with a back covered in sea shell scratches
swim out a little further
ride a little longer, a little bigger, lively, dangerous.
keep swimming further out
shoot for the sand bar
or the reef
but you might find yourself lost
helpless in the clutches of some foul riptide

Victims pay the price eventually
a role clad in escape
store windows full of things
that were never your fault
but you have a pocket full of change
hands shake
stomach growls
skin itches
tell yourself no
and cave in just like always
tomorrow's better for me anyway

No Mom, No Dad
everything is fine
oh yeah and merry Christmas
cheers and blessings
quality time with the people you love
in that costume you don so often that
it's hard to tell one side of the cracked mirror from the other
pound fist into open palm open palm onto flushed face
sweating and clammy and growling at the waist
shake it off champ,
the next round starts now

Now picture a small stretch of city
on that beautiful sixty degree December afternoon
maybe it's uptown or the arts district
you are with friends
conversations -
easy and honest. Organic.
talk of dreams and goals
bask in the sunlight. leisure.
sit outside at the cafe with an iced coffee
in the most-hipstery jar you've ever seen
who cares?
drink it down
enjoy it
days like this don't come around often
unless you make them