What if God decided like any other manufacturer 
to put a stamp on each of us and let us know our fate

Like the date the milk turns bad is no mystery
So will be the date a person will be history. 

Will you date a person with short shelf life
or even  make that person your wife?

And will you make most of a bond that you cherish
if you know for sure when its going to perish?

WIll you love one kid more than the other
if you know who is going farther?

And above all how will you live your life, if you already have a hint
   whether your time on earth is a marathon or a short sprint?

i swear, i'm not a thief,
but if given the opportunity
i would take your
heart and run to the edge
of the universe and
back, just to have you chase me
(it may be my only way
to leave you breathless, the same
way you leave me)

I am watching people slip through my fingers
Like beads of sand on a beach.

I am watching memories wash away
Like waves roll in and out, leaving no remains.

I am watching common ground disappear
Like the sun sets over the sea.

I am watching things I love float away
Like a beach ball blown away, out of my reach.

I am watching passions I pursued subside
Like the sunshine at the end of the day wanes.

I am watching everything we had drown in an ocean of confusion and cowardice,
It all drowns until there is nothing left to see.

The ocean swallowed me whole,
And sent me back to shore,
Empty handed and empty inside,
Hollow to my core.

The ocean entangled me in seaweed
And entrapped me in love.
I panicked, cut myself free
And resurfaced above.

The ocean's salt burnt my wounds,
Reminded me that they were there.
The reminder that you're gone now,
And none of it is fair.

A silence with you
Is not
a silence

But a moment rich
with peace

I spent an hour in bed
Cuddled up, thoughts of you in my head
I spent an hour pondering about you
And realized that you haven't a clue

I spent an hour in bed
Feeling sleepy and heavy as lead
Because sometimes I let myself emulate my feelings
And lay around, staring at the ceiling

I spent an hour in bed
As quiet as if I were dead
Because my thoughts are swimming
Therefore, my demons are winning

It was the time of summer where every kid had silently realized that it was ending,
No longer halfway through, no longer half full
Leaking and spilling out,
like the gas in my twenty two year old car
We couldn’t stop it,
And the moments of high school summertime
The moments that supposedly turn into stories we tell forever
Hadn’t seemed to have happened.

Both of us on the swing lazily swung
Dizzily from side to side.
Climbing forward, falling in reverse
Our combined bodyweight shifting back and forth
Tanned legs kicking up in an attempt at unison on every backwards glide.
Gravity hung us there,
Pulling the swing toward the ground no matter the rotation.

I sat on top.
I wore bleached shorts and bleached hair.
I worried that gravity or more so my value to it
would crush him.


At the same time, I felt unbelievably small.


The air pressed in on me from all angles,
it touched my bare legs
it easily waffled my shirt.

“Mel, if you were squishing me, I would let you know”,
he assured with a cocky tone of his very own that somehow made me feel special.
I couldn’t help but think he was only trying to be tough
Attempting to let sheer willpower overweigh my well earned quads,
My six foot frame.
The awkward body I never quite grew into
Never knew how to masterfully control
Never knew how to fill.
Though I secretly (wanted to) truly believe him

On this humid night I felt like the ball was in my court,
Like I could do anything and everything.
That nothing could go wrong
That the boy that I was sitting on was genuine
And that I could simply drive off to wherever.

(I had a full tank of gas and enough money to get me to Alabama).

I felt small in this,
in this infinity of possibility all around me.
Like a weight was pushing into me
Putting on pressure that couldn’t be ignored
That shrunk me just enough.
I felt powerless to fate
Powerless to this planet
To this grand, glorified hunk of earth which was so much greater than me
(and surely my insignificant weight anxieties).

I felt like the gas was leaking out faster than I could use it.
I felt like my infinity was disappearing as I swung within it.


Just like that, I let the ball drop and the gas leak out.
We just kept swinging.
Laughing,
Wasting,
Talking,

Dying.