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How many times will you,
   rip apart my body,
and tear apart my soul,
  Shattering my spirit,
only to let go,
   Leaving me in brokenness,
leaving me in pain,
    leaving me to drown alone,
in all my guilt and shame!
dissect me into pieces
mathematical
manic
make me
make sense
solve the pieces
like a puzzle
break me
then make me
intact
but I'm not built
of numbers and facts
when you filed my edges
you created gaps
Somedays
I don't
Eat,
Because
Society likes
Me better
Skinnier.
And
I guess
I would
Like me better too
If I looked
Like the
Girl
In the magazine.
She's not
Even a
Size
2.
suppose
Life is an old man carrying flowers on his head.

young death sits in a café
smiling,a piece of money held between
his thumb and first finger

(i say “will he buy flowers” to you
and “Death is young
life wears velour trousers
life totters,life has a beard” i

say to you who are silent.—”Do you see
Life?he is there and here,
or that, or this
or nothing or an old man 3 thirds
asleep,on his head
flowers,always crying
to nobody something about les
roses les bluets
                    yes,
                              will He buy?
Les belles bottes—oh hear
,pas chères”)

and my love slowly answered I think so.  But
I think I see someone else

there is a lady,whose name is Afterwards
she is sitting beside young death,is slender;
likes flowers.
Calm confidence hides
Frantic insecurities
Smile, they're looking at you
Don't slouch
Shoulders back
Are they looking?
Do they care?
Of course
Act like you don't
You are your own world
But does that come off as arrogant?
Don't seem rude
Nose to the middle
Too high is pompous
Too low is timid
You're slouching again
Stretch
Make it look natural and ****
Sit straight
Or lean back
look relaxed
Pay attention
Check your surroundings
No one is here
desperately
attempt an escape
from cliché
and doing so
live another

midnight musings
jotted down in
cluttered notebooks

they never seem as grand
as they did
with heavy eyelids
I am the girl
in the shadows
and if you had
stopped just for a
second
you'd see me
hiding and rotting away,
starving for my time
to feel the sun
and the breeze caress my skin.
Me,
getting thinner and thinner
everyday
trying to get to the invisible
the no body weight,
feel the heat on my pale
ashen skin.
Feel comfortable
relaxed
walking around.
Just to feel nothing
but beauty
starving in my corner
waiting till it's my turn
to step into
the spot light
to be thin and air like
to feel pure,
but for now
I'll crawl into the corner
of my mind and pretend
I don't see the monsters
of hunger.
I'll crawl
into those satin sheets
and cry of aches and pains
I'll ignore the fact
it's not getting better
but worse.
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