When you don't say good night
I lie next to you
aching for the sound of your voice

You feel so far away
yet in this moment
my skin is touching yours

It's tuesday afternoon
I've been lying in bed
held here
by the thought
of you

The thing about us—
Not a lot has to be said
For a lot to be felt

You used to make me dizzy
pulling me along like a sticky tide
I would dream of you holding me
whispering little secrets
back and forth
I'd cross my fingers
humming affirmations to myself
Praying I'd get the chance
to be your girl

Foolish to suggest forever
when things are just
getting started

a mere flicker

my time with you
may be limited

but your touch
will be softly eetched
in my mind
as long as I'll remember

i'm learning what
it means
to enact good karma

noticing the
cycles beginning
instead of ending

and with it
i'm understanding
the power of my
thoughts

and my actions

Suddenly, I find myself collecting my past in fist-fulls
wondering why it was all so easy to forget;
how all these memories
managed to burrow beneath
my clumpy brain and remain there,
unharmed yet harmful.
I envy you
silly boy, and your consistent emptiness--
How is it that you are free from your past
while mine begs for forgiveness?

i hope you're happy

though i can't imagine you are
with a heart like that

you are a brilliant display
of the human condition

and the way i love you will
continue to evolve

the opal that embraces
my finger is coupled
by the delicate softness
of your lilac skin
and as i press into you
and pick your silky brain
i manage to uncover more
about myself—
how is it that you
connect my insecurities
and create constellations
out of them
displaying maps across
a milky twilight

I can remember the
shape of your  hand writing
like I remember the
feeling of your finger tips

allow me to
void myself of your traces
and remain as I was—

before I could remember

your eyes fall upon me
as if I am somehow
familiar yet
undoubtedly unknown

I can't help but
look back and wonder
why the universe
bumped us together

You
are this
remarkable
thing that
I am
not;

level headed.

Our dining room table
was too fragile to handle
the force of your fists
you slammed
them down in anger

You shook as you asked
what the **** is wrong with you
I couldn't answer
I didn't know

You made me coffee
you made me cry

Both were bitter
both woke me up

You were the first
to touch my pale skin
I pushed, and begged
and now, you say
my name fast
so that you won't taste
the poison
it brings with it

You sat criss cross
on the floor, naked
at the foot
of a coffee tabel
I thought I could
have loved you
But you could only
love the blow

The nights between
are stained with
wine and ***
I can lick my lips now
and taste the
forgetfulness
I wanted you off
my mind and
out of my heart

The way he sat
strumming gently
on four strings
with a light softly
touching his cheeks
I couldn't help but be
wrapped entirely
in his existence
falling hopelessly
into that sweet song

We have completed
the lunar cycle
the phasing of the moon
with each day revealing
more of our bare selfs
you have become a sticky tide
that tugs at my bare feet
begging me to become
one with the water and
learn to fight the land

I am a work in progress
And each day I chip away
at who I was
and begin to reveal
who I am
I have started a
revolution within my
bones that has pushed
me to my limits
I have shaken the foundation
of my beliefs and have
shouted in the face of my
insecurities
Though I will never
be perfect
I will be
true to my nature

I close my eyes
pikit mata
and except my reality
I want a clear head
and the ability to
forgive and forget

I want coastal drives
and earl grey tea
at 8 a.m. on a
wednesday morning

I want to be free
from past mistakes
and escape my
lapse of judgement
I want you
in every way
but somehow
I have to
want myself

What I wouldn't give to
roll over and walk my fingers
across the sheets
to be met by the softness
of your skin
I would take your chin
between both of my palms
and feel your eye lashes
with mine
I'd kiss your lips and
I would linger

It gives me goosebumps
when you bite my neck
and pull my hair
I fight myself
attempting to keep
my breathing soft
and to keep you
pressed against
my fingertips

I'll make you breakfast for dinner
I'll kiss your lips when you walk
through the door
I'll hang our photos on the walls
so neither of us are ever alone
I'll wake you up when your alarm doesn't
I'll dance around the kitchen in your boxers
laughing and singing
I'll plant a blackberry bush in our garden
I'll love you
I will

Ten hours ago
You held my face within
Your palms and
Uttered the words
I love you
As I looked back at you
I saw you
Your bliss
Your anxiety
Your past heart ache
And I loved you
Fiercely

I want to write poetry
On your hips and
Pull the words against me
Rocking and twisting
With each other
I want to make art

Together we'll tackle
Everything from
Breakfast to mountains
And we'll face decisions
Like blueberry or maple
Like climb or trek
And we'll handle it all
With yes dear or
No sweetheart
you're drunk

1:37 a.m. and your voice
In my ear is distant
Like you're somewhere else

And I grow fearful that
Loving things so simple and
Thinking so plainly
Will bore you

That maybe I'm too little
And too fragile

And soon
you too
will grow tired

I tell myself
take it slow

3:47 a.m. I inhale
The curling cannabis sinking
deep into my lungs
funny how the taste
reminds me of the softness of
your lips

You tell me
"this one's different"
but baby
I've been sipping death
for years and
you've kissed me twice

Tell me again how this is different
because
oh how I want it to be
but **** how it isn't

I want to connect the dots;
To create constellations
across my skin
in the places you've left
blurred bruises with your lips

You've made a map
guiding me away from who I was
and towards
who I will be

But really
fighting for peace
is like
******* for virginity

I miss you
there's nothing
else I could say
I just miss you

I undress slowly tonight
in front of a slanted mirror
and as my clothes drop
slowly with grace to the
carpeted floor
tears begin to slide across
the darker skin under my eyes
What I see in this mirror
is someone not worth remembering
and even I've forgotten

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time. Carrying our hopes for love, joy, and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning, and that laughter is life's greatest creation.

Dirt roads and green rivers
Separate our friendship
But no amount of
Hitch hiking is too much
To keep me from
Falling asleep holding
Your hand
I will cross through fields
And over mountains
Just to have your company
On these Saturday afternoons
When I'm left alone
And missing you

Thank you
For the goodnight kisses and
Bedtime stories
For the mall money and
Car pools
For the advice on heartbreak and
Midnight study sessions
For the years of shelter and
Unconditional love
For being my mother and
My bestfriend
I love you

I've become uncomfortably
Familiar with the
Sensation of pretending
To be something
I'm not

It's been two years
Twenty seven days since
You left and
I forgot for a moment
Just how much I missed you
But suddenly
It all came crashing back
And I can't breathe
Curled up on the floor
Gripping your sweatshirt
I cry into it
You aren't coming back
And I think deep down we
Both know
You never were

Her                   Her
Mind often      Demons laughed
Wanders to     And chased her
Places that       To quests she
Railroads         Could not defeat.
Could not            
Reach.

This sickness is
The catalyst for
Either death
Or greatness

I want to buy a ***, a cute little flower ***
And paint it with beautiful blues and violets,
Cover it with deep reds and soft yellows.
Place a cactus in the loose soil careful of
The roots, and then, I'll name it after you;
Because you're a ******* *****.

Sometimes I wish your
Heart stopped every time
I touched you and that
The only way for you to
Restart was to fold
Your eyelashes around mine
Like origami birds
Fluttering in the wind
And softly dig your fingernails
Into my waist like a shovel
Much overdue for the aching earth
Because then I could at least
Pretend that I am the
Only thing in this world
You need to stay unfrozen.

I have a traveler friend
a gypsy of some sorts
a bit of a wandering man
with big dreams
of far away places

Dancing on rooftops
in the early hours
making his way to
somewhere he's finally
sitting back
watching time pass
in a wardrobe mirror
surrounded by trinkets
and memories of
his travels

These stories
I hope to hear
sitting criss-cross
on a rug from Egypt

Good luck
my traveler friend