For the past 19 years
My heart has been dormant.
The cobwebs of loneliness and longing
Make intricate patterns around its bruised and beaten frame.

It runs on little,
With inconsistent beats that continue my breathing.
This heart is rather cold
From endless nights and dragging days
I fear for my heart
For it is hungry.

And it will take any opportunity it can get
At the first sight of affection
To feel something, anything at all.

I am a flower
That is dying with every passing minute
I've been stepped on repeadidly
And many of my petals have been plucked
I don't have much to give anymore
And these thorns I've grown let you know that
No one pays attention to wilting flowers
They might as well be invisible
But I promise
If I could just get some water
And a little ray of sunshine
I can shine brighter than a million stars
And I can love you like you deserve
(Please) be patient with me

Here’s to the girls who have so much to give and no one to give it to.
The ones who spent their freshmen homecoming crying under a table.
The ones who take pills everyday praying it will take the pain away.

The girls who went through high school invisible
and the ones that are still trying to heal from that.
Here’s to the girls that have scars on their skin and even deeper ones on their heart.
Here’s to the tears that have become all too familiar.
Here’s to the endless nights, ragged breathing, and bloodshot eyes.

Here’s to the girls who know pain,
who have been through it all yet still choose to have a soft heart.
The girls that still chose to fill their lungs with air.

Here’s to the girls who haven’t given up.
The girls who have hope that burns in their souls and shines in even the darkest of nights.

Here’s to you. Here’s to me.

And I’m scared because I don’t want depression to win.
I don’t want it to be the end of my story.
Hope shatters at my fingertips at the thought of no way out.
One impulsive decision that is irreversible

And I’m scared because your story is much like mine.
Parallel almost.
Although you are gone, I will keep fighting.
In the moments where no hope is left-I will remain still until it passes,
because purpose flows through my veins solely from the one who gave me life.

today I am happy.
But I am also sad.
I guess you can say I am craving a simple touch I have never felt.
Or words I have never heard.
That eases the longing in my heart.
I just want to snuggle into the embrace of your arms and be still.
Comforted and warm.
Listening to the rhythm of your beating heart.

I miss someone I’ve never met.

This is the time of night when all of the skeletons in your closet come out to play
The time where your sleepy eyes
Don't have the strength to resist temptation
Where your brokenness is revealed
And the demons in your head are released
The time of night when we finally say
"Tomorrow's a new day, time for some changes"
Only to fall back into the pattern of 12:43 AM again