Choking, i spat out a piece of my lung,
Into the white porcelain sink,
Then after brief pause, I lit up another one.
And used the black tar as ink.

I can't cry
Not because I don't care
but because I would know
That everything was real

I can feel my slimy beet colored heart pulsing
beating at its height through my perfect left ******
My left your right as we are chest against chest
Nothing tastes as good as the leftover heartbreak on my lips
Or as bitter as the bad decisions left upon your own
No one can predict the bottomless mess of human emotions
But we are ever too fluid to care
More like fire than fluid
Mindless flames burn everyone equally without pity; ever-changing and depthless
Beautifully tragic, unpredictable at best and has a violent fluidity all it's own
The beat travels up my shoulder and down my spine unto the very center of my womanhood
I feel a craving for you and it is border-lining madness
I am teetering on a edge of hysteria that I thought I could ne'er again succumb to
I am being driven wild with an unasked-for passion
Alas - it all must remain internal for there are proper politics to be remembered
That of a taken man and secret so deadly that it entitles me to feel a certain power of having a precious life in my hands
I may be a forebearer of evilness - but at least I am the only one BEING HONEST

Do you see? With your light brown eyes;
That I want YOU and not your bashful disguise.
For every hair, that blows in this November wind,
Kissing the smile you try so hard to hold in,
And I hope that my actions tell you, what I should’ve said.
I think I might just love you-
                 But you’re probably better off dead.

As I lie awake at night I can’t help, but think
Think of all the things that person said to me
Think of all the ways I’ve embarrassed myself
Think of all the things I said to that boy
While he wasn’t giving me a second of his time

I didn’t ask for this
I didn’t ask for these thoughts to run through my head
All these ‘What if’s and ‘No, not that’s
I didn’t ask to get chocked up every time I talk to someone because I’m afraid I might say something I might regret.
And yet, that seems to be every word that tumbles from my mouth
Like a faucet full of remorse that can not be shut off

Watching other people I can only seem to hate them as I pray to some sort of all-powering being that I will be able to over-come this
That one day I will be able to freely roll words off of my tongue without wishing I could gobble them back up.
And yet everyone else is able to do it
They are all able to say what they want
To express their opinions with no second thoughts
With no worries that someone might disagree

Every morning is a struggle just to pry myself from my sheets
To face every day with a smile
Because lately even picking out a outfit I find exceptable seems torturous
And then half way through first period I decide I shouldn’t have worn it

And there’s no escape
I always have this weight on my shoulder that is weighed down with nasty words my brain has formed
Picking at the slivers of self-confidence I have left.
Like a hungry Vulture cleaning up scraps on the side of the road

And some people have to power to fix it
They become stronger
And learn how to be better
And I? I lie awake at night. And I can’t help but think