I want to
Be
Like Switzerland

Establish
A treaty
With the
World
And myself,
I'd like to stay
Inside my
Shell

Or eliminate it
Completely

Could it be simple?
Or does it have
To be
Complex?
It's a matter of
Perspective,
I guess

I'm an elk
In the water
Avoiding the current
Undertow
I've never been
Good
At going with
The flow

Blaming it
On someone
Else
Won't make it
Go away
I've learned that
The hard way

But I still
Keep trying to
Stay afloat
On tidal waves

In an ideal
position
I'd spend more
Time
Talking to
Strangers

I'd agree
That saying
"Hell"
Is easier
Than  
"Hello"

I'd accept
My indecisive
Nature
And Balance
It all
Out
Eliminate
Self doubt

I'd know
That sometimes
Shot gun weddings
Are okay
I'd runaway
I'd leave
I'd stay

I'd finally
Consider
The prize
Of my own
Perspective
With the limited
Connections
Even keeping
Me going

I'd sit up
Lay down
Walk around
Give enough
Of a ****
I would never
Think to
Quit

I'd make everyone
Happy
Even myself
But instead
...

Hell

We're both provoked
By boredom
Same age
Still shakin'
Our childish ways
Bad at listening
Unless the times
Are right,
Especially at night

Our parents care,
I swear
Bad at raising
Good at naming

All the funny
Coincidences
To take you to
The moon
And back

"C'est la vie"

I wish it'd never end

Remind me tomorrow
I'll tell you again

The shape of the body
Laying in the sheets
The note you left
Before you had to leave
Who knew all the times
Our lips met
We were giving
Our genetics a test
  
Just like a couple
Of spit swapping

Maniacs

I know you know what I'm thinking:

Virgins
Trashbag intentions
Looking through
Under your gaze,
Everything's changed

Night terrors
Angsty, sappy
Charades

All of the synonymous truths

The ****** counterparts
That have always been
Somewhat in conjunction

But generally speaking
I have my self doubt
I'm afraid I'll miss out

Or maybe fool myself forever

I've been drawing
A blank
Dwelling in this
So called
Conundrum

Only giving
Half hearted gestures,
Forsaking all others

I've deliberately
Out smarted
All the details
Lost in time

Jittery
On every
Steamy day

The remedy
Never lies
In the score book,
Or with
Criminal instincts,
Not even
The crooked
Cab drivers

So I'll wander
In these
Unvarnished
Chocolate covered
Nightmares

I'll hide
Under the
Stairs
Where spiritualistic,
Speakeasy
Behavior
Only leaves
You
Killed or injured

A whirl
Of such discovery
And you
Will finally
See

It's mostly people
Who cause
This kind of
Unease

You're fast
And brainy
The same age

You seem preoccupied
And don't respond
To question

Now and then
You'll swing
A cat

Trudging along
A line of scrimmage
Some kind of astonishment

Old fashioned
And furious
You come out
Of that line
Charging
In all directions

A shift glance
To get some sense
And controversy
A dash of wit

Is there such thing
As a curve ball?

Would you lose
Interest
If I told you,
No?

If I thought these dreams
Of things
Unattainable
Were things meant
To glide easy
And tread upon
The arcs
Where
All the clouds
And doubts
Of every
Enigmatic
Tragic
Thing
Stopped
There'd be thought
Persuaded
Lost
Leather men
Thoughts
Of some avoidable
And some
Unexplainable
All of them trickle
With smiles
Growing deeply
Into space
That is submission
Dismissing
Nothing
Sleeping and dreaming
On my
Hard wood floor
Anywhere
Just to be
Close
To something
Grow
Into nothing
The break
Of snapping lead
The twists
And winding sockets
In all
The empty pockets
I've wanted
Masquerading
Patterns
Entertaining
Anything
I'd take anything
For a real night
Maybe,
A truth fight
That emerald ice
Where I create
Some illusion
When all things
Fade
No longer missing
The attainable
But creating
Elusive paths
Where I am
No longer trapped

dangling,
trickling
stuck
in the sheets
you turned,
and spoke
as you looked
into me

"stop"

"it's too late"

"don't forget to close the gate"

So,

I'm trying to
Understand you
Even though
I don't really
Want to
Smooth tricks
All the mental
Ticks
And tocks
Of the brain

Your penchant
For spending
Time alone
And also not
Deep in thought
Guzzling on
The distinguished
Stigma
Of holding
All the
Cosmic grudges

Finding depth
In cantankerous
Plot twists
Keep on adding them
To your
"*******" list
Just see
What you'll get
Keep having
Your fits

Each one
Of your
Personalities
Will double
And you'll
No longer know
Which one caused
You the trouble
You'll fall
When you wake up
And ill-starred
Unaware
Blundering
Through the dark
It's sad to say

You'll forget
Who you are

I pack my bags
Inside my mind
Line my things
And count the times
Dripping clocks
And suitcase thoughts
It's all a puddle
Splash of loss
Broken fevers
Sweating meters
Quarters drop
Heads get tossed
From skipping
In crosswalks
Humming
During long talks
Hiding
In a freight box
And stopping








With the
Blank thoughts

Broken chairs
Stoves on hot
Cheerios
With milk
On top
Pairs of shoes
Two of kind
Malt and shake
Wrong and right
Wise and smart
All alike
Birds and planes
Both of flight
Children fall
I grow up
Sometimes life's
Just not

Enough

My timing is off
The bricks are laid
A fallen trail
Of pretty little
Puzzle pieces
Substitutions
That print and press
All the sickness left
I'm tired
Of making it less
Euphemism
Never did the trick
It sugar coats
It tastes too thick
Rain will hit
And quick tossed
Trail crossed
Will melt away
That imaginary
*******
That you
Always create

I can hear that hacking noise
Off in the corner
Of the room
Where nothing comes up
Hacking for hours
Days
Maybe weeks
Nothing slips out
Nothing crawls in
Just a sick
Sad
Empty sack
Of nothing

Explosions
All the pretty little
Colorful pieces
I've ever espoused
Pink bows burning
All the little plastics
Melting off
Sticking to
My fingertips
I can hear you
Driving by
I can hear everything
Every word
That you are saying
You inadequate idiot
I'm now
Equipped for this
To rub you out
And swing you
All around the room
Dancing, prancing
Catching tunes
Moods of maybe marvels
Egg shells crackle
Under our feet
Bleeding tears
And shiny tires
Where all
I think about
All I dream about
Is forgetting
Who I am

Pretend
If I was accompanied
In this shallow moment
Where time shattered
And maybe surfed
Across my skin
I'd be lonely,
But not alone
I'd see a day where
The unavoidable reality
Was my own
Fortress of my heels
Something I'd never escape
*******
And unattainable dreams
Where you could
Touch all the little details
Pick them up and
Dust them
Call them
Yours
Take them home and
Shred them
Salad toppings
Ingest
And be full
Forever

It comes like clockwork
Fixated rock body
Down face in
That empty warm
Cold ditch
Bottomless pit

Stitching quilt less
Flip the pillow
Cold side up
Empty spot

Usual thinking
Of massless
Mornings
No lumps left

In between

Bent hangers
Lemon peels
Quite the company

Chains rattling
The empty beckoning  

Throbbing of
Rare skin

The place
Where your body
Should collect
My errors

In between
Twirling,
Trickling

Destroying every
Cloudy  fist

Sweeping over
Nothing

But broken
Dreams



Of you.

The
Caffeine crumbles
All my sober realities
All the ******
Sematic  
Symbiotic
Claims
We all have
Made
At some
Point
Shaking
Sweaty palms
Leasing time
And hoping
On the reels
Of tape
That hang
From your
VHS
Piling
Ten high
Crawling
All over
The
Fake realities
I've created
It all
Changes
When
The genetics
Leave you
24 hours
Slap you
Sharp into
Place
Right in
The face
That first
Got
You
Here

I'm
So
****
Disoriented
In between
Lines
And irretrievable
Touching

Paroxysm
Creaking
Me awake
For hours
On end

I'm
Tight - lipped
Tongue - tied
Dumb struck

Still

Ever since
Your slam
Of the
Door
That point
Of entry
That
Could
Have
Lead
Us

Nothing
Never

Now it's
Nowhere

And
You're
Never
No where
Now you're

Nothing

At all

I was moving
Seeing double
Two of her
Maybe three
Dogs crossing
Almost dying
Wine trying
To unhinge
Me
The loneliness
Corrodes me
Equivocates
And I see
Straight
Again
One of me
One of her
Face
To
Face
Both of us
In this
Seclusion
Alone
Misrepresentation
A lie
We both
Go home
Alone
And cry
The same
Cry
Six hundred
And thirty
Six
Times

Now
That I've
Forgotten
Off
The table
Out of
The
Market
Out of
The basket
And woke
Up
To see
You
In
A million
Different
Shades
And
I know
You now
And that's
Just
Too much
To take
It comes
In lakes
A fathom
To high
To reach
To low
To see
I'm sick
Even though
I'm free
And it's
Always
Been
Always
Will
Be
Be
Be
Because
I can't
Have
You

There is nothing
Like the wind
When it sweeps
You
Off your feet
The way
The walls
Stand purple
Filled
With dancing
Indians
The prickles
Of the pines
That walk
Across
Your back
Then
They tell
You
To go
Back
And start
Over

This zipper
Stays
Unzipped
It's stuck
I'm unequipped
For what
You
Are
Bound
To know
How low
Can
A person
Go?
I know
Because
That is
Where
I've been
Laying
Lying
How long
Has it
Been?
Months
Weeks
No one
Gets
In
Not because
I can't
But only
Because
I can
A man
A place
A time
A plan
It's not
Even worth
It
Anymore

It's purple
And red
Bed
Made
Head
Laid
I think
I
Found
What
I
Wanted?

Have you ever had a dog
Lookin you right in the eye
Rabid teeth and crooked smile
When your turn your back he'll bite
Have you ever seen a man
Livin such a sour life
Do you seek more solace in
In The day or in the night

I don't know the difference
I don't know the difference
Between the two (x2)

Have you ever met a man
Devils Fire blazing in his eyes
Burning bright he'll burn you right
Would you trust him with your life
Have you ever shed a tear
At a lost lover's grave stone
Does your heart beat swift for fear
Or keep a steady beat for love

Now you've got Jesus, the supposed savior
And then there's vampires.
Demons in the darkness.
I don't know the difference.
They're both just working for themselves

I don't know the difference.
I don't know the difference between the two.

Have you ever had a man lookin you right in the eye.
Rabid teeth and crooked smile.
When you turn your back he'll bite.
Have you ever seen a monster,
In the shadows of your soul.
Do you seek more solace in a sheath or in the coals?

I thought
It was
Terminal
Uniqueness
Leperacy
Feeling
Nothing
At all
So addicting
The purple
Trillium
The hum
Of home
Feeling
10,000
Years
Old
To many
Directions
No
Ease
Missing
Love
Bees
Knees
Nothing
Near
Just
Mem­ories

I think
I'll
Ingest
Some
Insecticide
Rid myself
Of the
Pests
Inside

I'm drunk
There is nothing more
Condescending
Than drunk
Nothing more
Aggravating
Then reaching
The bottom
Of your
Glass
That empty
Full feeling
Pink cheeks
Trying to
Make
Someone
Think
You're
Sober

You're blaming
Disrepair
On the moonlight
Carving
At your
Own eyes
Any connection
To the truth
Or open eyes
Silent
But screaming
Cries
The pain
That comes
With slicing
Open
Knots
The cloud
Around
Your brain
It's just
A game
That you
Have to
Play
All the
Clouded
Clarity
Leaves you
In the night
Tucks you
Into bed
And lays
Your
Ink filled head
To rest
You wake up
Inside out
I don't doubt
Your purpose
You really think
You're born
For this?
Dipping pens
In expired
Time
Seasons
Already
Gone by
Leads you
In a circle
When you
Draw
What you've
Already
Lost

Transgression
The sick feeling
Of knowing
You have gone
To far
Running into
Bed frames
Non existent card games
And
Alcohol
Spilling
Out words
That taught you
How to yearn
For something
That isn't even there
Broken pieces
Of deleted
Keys
Finger prints
That study
Every move
Tainted
Brain waves
Elaborate
Sun gaze
Stings
Stares
And melts
My heart
Again

Guilt is melting off my face
Everything
It's all in place
The pace I'm moving
Places I'm going
I'm stuck
In pause
What have I done?

I did what had to be done
To make me forgive
And now
I'm just like you
Again

I am a waste
A quitter
At everything
Except
The smokes
In my pocket
Stick a fork
In my socket
And restart
Me

The mattress sheets
They feel like ****
They aren't soft
The aren't rough
They are slick
And I'll slip on
My face
When I wake up
Then my day
Will be great

Scratches
At my door
Awakened
By the teenage
Angst
A *****
Savaged
Feeling
Of them
Walking
Through the door
Smacks
Me
In the face
The carpet
Stained
With
All the kissing
All the missing
Pieces
Slaughtered shadows
Broken windows
The glass
It's in my feet
It's moving
Crawling up
Dancing
On my spine
All the time
Now
It's
Leaving
I can feel it
Waving goodbye
Dying
Inside me
Trying
To find
Me

Red blotches
On my arm
All this harm
It's in my veins
I'm too deep
For you
This will end
Bad
Unless
You prove me
Wrong?

Stupid sticks
And pokes
On your hands
Street writes
Pen types
Ball point
It stuck into
The dots
On my hand

The out line
Of my fingers
Crept together
In the light
That tip toed
Through the darkness
No condolences
We're offered
Except for mine
And from that sympathy
Came something
I cannot explain
I still can't
Speak your name
This game
Is slowly ending
But it winds
And turns me
In your corner
You aren't
My owner
Never will
Be
It's safe to say
I love you
Or loved
Because the meaning
Of that thing
Has slowly dissipated
With all my emotion
Corrosion
I can feel it
In my face
I still love
I still hate
Just please
Get out
Of my head
It's ruining
Everything I've said
This beginning
When I wake up
And even though
I miss the ruins
That I lived in
All my life
I finally see
They aren't for me
I love your ruining
But I'm through
Running
From what's
Meant to be

I hate this love
That's locked away
It's staring at me
Right now
In this very second
It's spitting on me
I can feel it
All around me
It's in my bubble
It's breaking my space
Crossing my line
And I can see it
In my mind
One hundred
And fifty one times
Flashing
This red color
Of love
That'***** me
One to many times
I still taste
The busted blood
On my lips
I can feel the lumps
In my throat
And on the back of my head
Oh and ****
I taste whiskey
The cheap ancient
Whiskey
On my breath
And when we kiss
I see the explosions
Of a **** show
The blood
The cheats
The puke
The violence
This is love
For me
That's how
It will
Always be
From now
Until
I die

I'm imagining
Myself falling
Through
The floor
Leaving behind
Everything
But the pebbles
That I'd hit
When I quit
On myself
Floating
Was an option
Once
When things
Weren't
So
Brick walked
Shut
Everything
Must take a
Turn
In the end
Just to win
Back
Where
I started
Thick oblivion
Sickness
Caving in
It's nothing
But some
Nails
Hammered in
The difference
Is
The garbage
Is caving
In
The walls
Are taken
Down
And I am
No longer
Drowning

I am not compliant
I'm moody
I'm messy
My shadow is crooked
When it hits
The brick road
The mail man
Nods
Knowing
I'm nothing special
The neighbors
Stare
In curiosity
Of
Who I might be
Become
But really
I'm the outside
I'm the dark night
Nothing special

I want to write
Poems
In my dreams
I want to
Dream poems
Onto the tip
Of my pen
Leak them
Onto my paper
I dream
Of writing poems
Of dreams
Where I write poems
And as I dream
Of dreamless
Poems
Of thoughtless
Bubbles
It comes in a
Wave
The dreams
Of poems
While
I'm awake

I think about
The things that don't
Involve me
Like science
And problematic equations
Missing pieces
To acient artifacts
Long poles
Connecting electromagnetic frequencies
So he, or she, or them
Can hear the low whispers
Of the man on tv
Telling you
About the woman
Who died
Because
The man
And the man
Knew to much
He was crazy
We are all crazy
Including me
So I'm involved

I have this new beginning
To this end
I've been writing
To this wall
I've been fighting
To hold up
And now all
The biting
All the loose pen
Writing
Is holding up
Some lighting
In my mind
I see that the backboard
Has always been
A closed door
Waiting for something
Waiting for more
And it's strange
I've known you
All along
And you've never
Really gone
And now
You're hear
Slowly cracking
Down the door
That I only
Knew before
As a dark space
A bad place
That hid
Behind my head
Now your lying
In my bed
And instead
Of deceit
And picking off
My meat
You tuck
Me soft
To sleep
And kiss
My broken
Feet
I finally have realized
That you are full
Of no lies
No disguise
And now I'm glad to say
You are all mine

Jealousy and me
Ain't no happy cup of tea
Momma told me
Nothing good
Could come from that
Kissin in the rain
It only brings on rainy days
And love sick colds
Are cured
By jealousy tea
I never liked that taste
Honestly
It was always way to *******
Bittersweet.

When you sit still
For a moment in time
You see things
You wouldn't
Normally find
I didn't know
The bees were out
I had no clue
The sun felt warm
Moving fast
Just does
You harm
The air
It smells
Of burning dreams
No one knows
What's in between
The sidewalk air
The hammers loud
I remember
Everything
I've found

I had a purpose
To let you sit on me
Let you bleed on me
And walk away
Untouched
No you can go
Unfucked
And love someone
With your
Fake aesthetic
I hope you know
You are
Faker than foe
You're a pretty little ***
That stands
On the corner
Down the street
You fed
Off my meat
Deceit
Was all
You gave me

Orchestrating music
Inside my ears
Italian cuisine
Inside my mouth
Panics, paranoia
Inside my head
The American dream
Filled with fireworks
And potholes
Covered by band aids
In God we trust
Police
Sitting and smoking
At the saloon
Being available
For nothing
Losing goodwill
Every second
Every moment
Laying around
As fat house cats
What flawless
Behavior
We all rent
A fake life
And pretend
We aren't
Crashing
Their cars
Into a concrete lady

I watch you.                                

Twitch and turn
In your own confusion
Seeping out your pores

It hits me.

It shows me who you are.

You are beautiful.

If only I could show you
Show you how I see
Show you how the light
Hits the pools of water
That I store away
In the lakes
Of my dreams

My hopes.

That now hope
For you
And me

Together.

I see the stubs
Of shaven hair
That grow
So slow
Like the love
I think we share
The way the breeze
Brushes across

This bed of silence
Has never said so much

Speaking nothing.

Has never done so much
But make me see
How you see
How you feel

You are,

Imperfectly perfect.

I miss you,
Your red bandana rants
Your bare feet foot prints
And your big brown eyes
That grow trees
As tall as mountains
That you climb
To new expectations
That I'll never reach
But one day
I'll reach you
I'll hold your dirt covered hand
I'll see the trails
You've been traveling
I'll know what's real
What's fake
And
It will all be
Because of you