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You cannot see who I am,
the girl inside
who doesn't, who won't
run and hide.
Isn't weak, meek
or too afraid to speak.
Who won't let people get her down,
the only girl who wouldn't let you push her around.

You cannot be who I am,
for I am above your immaturity
a place you've never known....
or will ever know!
But will search for so you can at least
catch a glimpse of where I am.
Life goes up and down,
and all around.
But you?
You'll stay the same...
with only your hopeless self to blame.

You cannot love who I am,**
the artistic young poet who breaths life into words,
or the object meant for looks and never to be heard?
I am not yours to hold,
to mold.
to ultimately destroy
I will NOT be someones mute toy.
Fight back I will...
until the end of my days,
for I already know,
you'll never change your ungodly ways.

You cannot hold who I am.
You cannot see who I am
You cannot touch who I am
You cannot love who I am
You cannot be who I am
AND you cannot TAKE who I am!

For I am me...
and you don't even know *who she is.
The other day, I accidentally
spilled moonlight on the shadows
where you used to sleep.
I almost cleaned it up
until I realized it didn’t matter anymore.

I told the clouds they were not
welcome to shed tears
over your side of the bed,
that the rain had to drown me too.

I asked the sunset if
it ever missed the sun,
if vermillion meant farewell,
if the dusky purples hurt
when they were pressed,
if the coming darkness
felt as natural and as effortless
as it looked.

And when the night finally fell
in black oblivion
I found the light you left
in the corners of the room,
under the pillow,
in the spaces between my fingers.
I found it everywhere in the darkness
and nowhere in the daylight
and I hate you for that –

Which is why I started
making room for the moon in my bed
even though he bleaches the sheets.
And I let the clouds lay down their burden
gently, gently over your pillow
in place of my own.
I stopped asking the sunset questions
that I couldn’t answer
and started digging my hands
into the gracefulness of the sky and the ocean and
everything in between.
 Oct 2013 Hannah Adair
krista
do not fall for a boy with a pirate heart, even if he will
cross five thousand miles of sand and ocean to be with you,
carrying nothing more than loneliness and longing in his cargo hold.
those things will bond you both together like an oath, but
blood is thicker than water and soon, the promises will weigh you down
like rocks in your pocket, keeping your lungs and heart empty.
he will not stay, something will always call him away in the morning,
even after you've spent the night wrapped in his strong arms,
counting the stars from the undersides of the highest sail.
you will listen to his stories, for they will stretch beyond the decks
of his ship and make you feel both empty and full at once,
but you cannot rely on a tattooed smile to forge you a key to the world.
eventually, he will leave you on stranger shores, soaking and breathless,
wondering when the next tide will bring him close to you again.
but you are not a ***** he found bar-side, never call yourself that.
you must be unpredictable and wild as the sea itself, bottling storms
into your heartbeat and braiding a barrier reef into your hair.
you are calypso, dangerous and beautiful and unyielding,
and if he comes back ten years from now to set foot on the shore,
you will not be waiting. you cannot always be waiting.
he might tell you he loves you. but even then, he is only speaking
about the seventy percent he is familiar with, the part that is pulled into
rises and falls by the moon, a dna sequence patterned by the earth itself.
do not answer him. steal his ship by sunrise instead and plan to follow
the treasure map that you've long since forgotten. never come back.
leave him with a seashell at his side and he will remember at last
that the reason he loved the ocean was because it sounded like you.
// for kd
Side Effects Include Hallucinations,
in the way your words make me believe
that we will get that apartment on the 22nd floor with the designer kitchen and the giant windows and two dogs sleeping at the foot of the bed
when we're All-Grown-Up
but i try to hold your hand and it isn't always there
sometimes i reach and all that squeezes through my fingers is a wisp of green dark smoke
and you are suddenly 500 miles away

Nausea, Sickness, Vomiting, and Pain,
like when i wake up with tears already carving scars into my face
and the walk to the front door seems like the farthest walk i've ever taken
and invisible shackles as ancient as the roots growing underneath my head bind me to my nest
(kind of like when you tie me up)
the thorns crawl up the rusty metal and twist into my stomach
wrap themselves around my molten core
spreading shoots through bursting veins
knees buckle, hit the bathroom floor

And May Include Death
you are the perfect drug
an addictive pro-zac that makes me convulse from withdrawals
if i ever dare to skip a day
i have to have more
an self-refilling pill box and all it costs is every last inch of my heart and soul and energy

that's all you ask
No one will ever know,
what we have done today.
No one will ever see,
that I let you treat me that way.
I won't show anyone
the bruises, the scars, the blood or pain.
Time will heal and the scars shall fade
The imprint on my soul, however,
will always be the same.
The burning of the flesh,
the blood oozing from my thighs or wrists,
and how you healed me with a simple kiss.
The marks you left on my neck, back, and ***
healed the ugly inside;
the monster I could not bare to face.
It came and went and as I left you
I realized what I knew already to be true...
The monster inside of me was you.
 Sep 2013 Hannah Adair
J Lohr
You...
 Sep 2013 Hannah Adair
J Lohr
These hands ache
Raw from a punching bag
Every thud a wince
Every beat a tear
Move faster, hit harder, get better...
...stay pathetic...
All for her,

"Men blame their exes for their misfortunes,  and those are usually lies."
"They were all ******* and *****!"

And they were, but I think of you and my heart aches
You weren't
You
Someone I've worked so hard for,
Fought so long for,
And yet now, I'm just pathetic...

****, do I always think back to that day.
Four months, eight days, six hours.
You just wanted to talk, those eyes said differently.
And I couldnt resist...
You had every man, and now had told me every lie.
And I just craved you all the same.

You ruined me.
Everyone I meet is put against you.
Everyone.

Shes sweet and nice, childish at times, like me.
But shes not you, I think of her, and then of you.
All while you sleep your way through the adult industries.

...you'll never be a ***** to me...

...

You know I can't watch Moulin Rouge because of you?!
Staying up late, watching that stupid film.
Now I'd rather mangle my own flesh then watch it again...

...

God I'm sorry...
I'd take you back but it wouldn't work...
I would be strange in your perfect world.

Your eyes are wine
Your lips, nicotine
Your skin, acidic
Your love, a cancer

I wish I could hate you...
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