The paint
Black
Purple
Blue
Red
Scatters my pale
Frail
Delicate arm
Tonight
I am the canvas
I am the mess
I am the tortured

Headphone wires are now our veins
Music the blood pumping through
Our heart is the battery
Leaving our faces to be the screen
The memory card from our phones are now our brains
The camera now the eyes, the only way of truly comprehending the world
The power button is our body awakening from a slumber
But a dead battery is our body crashing, and going to sleep
Our voices are made up of the shrill ring from a notification
Our tears are now formed from cracked shards of glass that drop to the ground after being shattered

I drove you around
For miles and miles
When you arrived
At the shack by the old church
You only offered a
Minuscule
"Thanks"
Before I drove off
And never ever
Seen my
Distracted
Unaware of the world
Sister
Again

My dreams, oh my dreams.
They are filled with elements from the world surrounding me
only I could notice
The gently torn spine of my bible
The hole in my deep sea blue overalls
The delicacy used to wind up my singing dolly
The faint, white scars tracing my arms and hands ever so gently
Out of all the dreams within this world
Flying visits me the most during my deep slumbers
The wind gliding like water pushing past my fingertips
The time slowing down
Slower and slower
Until I’m left to float
The peacefulness and serenity engulfing me
Knowledge held in my mind coming to an absolute halt
Allowing me to rest
Allowing me to experience my own
Personal
Beautiful
Haven

Hiding my problems as a child was something I did not do
Anything and everything I felt or thought was out in the open
Now
Nothing has changed, but to an extent I leave my heart ajar.
Acquiring the knowledge to realize that doing this, closing my true self off a little bit was okay
Had its ups and downs and it’s karma in the end.

Every moment was spent questioning if doing this and or that was an okay thing to do
Like second guessing if rehab was the best option for a lethal addiction
It felt like the action of making a big decision like so was an everyday occurrence.
Zoning out in class, zoning out at home, zoning out anywhere
Accompanied my second guessing, they paired well together
Baffling my mind that two would mesh so well together in the slightest.
Eventually, after years of playing hide and seek with my true self in the dark
The realization that I had morphed myself into someone I was truly not came quicker than I had ever dreamt
Hiding the real me fully in the big chamber I created in the back of my mind was never my intention

Keeping the key in case of emergencies though was
Embarking on the journey back to this chamber, raking through thoughts, wonders, questions whirling around in my skull
Everything you could think of, happens everyday, and will happen everyday
For the day I finally reach my destination I longed for for so many years
Everything will feel at peace, and I will finally have the confidence to be myself.

Laying in a freshly made bed at night
raking over thoughts and ideas that pop into my skull
as time every so slowly elapses
The smell of the barn I ever so much missed
the sound of the kittens mewling about

Sweet hot chocolate on a cold night
the hot liquid providing an internal blanket for my cold body
The foggy, dark, rainy days
providing an aura suitable for me to pour out ideas
and mark my feelings down in black ink to reflect on in later days

Music from a new CD flowing through the speakers
the feeling of the bass radiating through your body like obtaining an electric shock
Getting a haircut after waiting and waiting for months since the last appointment
the crisp, sound of the scissors breaking through your hair
tingles running up your neck

Coconut, vanilla, and floral radiating from the burning flame
the candle melting ever so slowly
wax overflowing, oozing over the sides
Forming a warm cocoon of blankets and pillows
swallowing your body as a whole
pulling out a new book, embarking on the journey of someone else's life