I loved the silliness
the secrets
and the penny paid thoughts

but all I dream about when sleep comes
is the thirsty selfishness
and I'm caught
between nightmares
and daydreams
in between
brutal introversion
and broken seams

tired of your consistent inconsistencies
and your forgetful debt
to false threats
of answered prayers

your stories are poetry
and my tired eyes
want your lullaby

you have the power
to allow yourself
to ask for help
to take for granted
to take some time
to take the healing pains off your mind.

Sparkling cracks
in the seam of things
yet things still seem to lack
your beautiful imperfection.
aren't there some questions
still unanswered?
taunting you to fill
those gaps with dependence
on chemicals
on fallen giants
on silly lullabies
like this one that echoes
when you dance through my mind
the absence of light
couldn't be darker
than hurtful intentions
of making me believe
in anything you can give to me
things leave us
blind to the truth.
the truth
that change is constant.

Mindless chatter
seems much less shallow
when you can shout out insecurity
and they refuse to hear
"I'll jump"
"come on, just do it, you won't fall."
you couldn't take a moment to listen?
I'll jump
I don't trust my feet
stealing my life
that I'm still reaching to regain
leaping into deep
blue
like my lips
many moments
after I tried to tell you
I'll jump
yet you won't hear what you cannot understand
please learn to respect
and accept
that I'm allowed to feel pain
your ignorance
won't fix
a situation that you're blind to
(I just though't I'd remind you)

I was awake
for 49 hours
and I told him
that I was the sun

I'm getting worse at asking for help, it happens gradually but I'm learning to see the beauty in healing. Growing pains have shown me the strength in scar tissue. I've been inside my head all too often, being isolated and isolating (two very different things, mind you).
There's some fear now, there's no denying. I do my best to not let go of hope, as to never lose it.
I grew up fast, pulling up against gravity and history. I'm learning now how to stand up straight.
Thank you, S, for granting me a safe space, and for letting me be honest with myself.
I crave meaningful goodbyes, though I don't count this as a goodbye at all.
For once I feel I can finally say "hello."
Thank you for letting me feel, and never asking me to.
I've tasted the power of my voice; you've saved and changed my life.
The only way I will repay you is to live my life with even half as much kindness and beauty as I have seen in you. You inspire me, and for that I am forever grateful.

Thank you for giving me the courage to heal.

half hearted apologies
200mg of sertraline
grapefruit (too bitter like acidic nostalgia)
concealed lust
that endings are so final
that they can still lack closure

cherry stem knots
lonely hearts
imperfect truths
melting ice (to cool my nerves)
misunderstood temptations and thoughts